Christianity Can Be Cultish Part 3

 Language, Attire, & Othering

"It all goes down to language; you just have to know what to listen for."

-Cultish by Amanda Montell

Every group has a unique way of communicating. We echo each other inside a chamber. From language to symbols, art to dress we create mini versions of those we idolize. Groups provide the community, stability, and protection our species needs. Montell repeats what numerous sociologists have said before her: we are social beings; we are wired for community. 

It takes a brave and wonderous mind to step outside of their box to ask: But does this all make sense? Does it matter? What is truth?

Recently I have been listening to the call-in show The Line or The Atheist Experience on YouTube. The Theist callers remind me of myself. The show has made me more aware of how a belief system, such as Evangelical Christianity, can be illogical. 

It makes sense that humans gravitate towards groups, but the group can not be the end-all-be-all. We can not lose our self of individualism if we only have one life to live. We can deconstruct this "cultish by nature" or fear of alienation, as the author notes, by examining the language used.

"With words, we breathe reality into being."

Montell highlights three ways cults use language: 

1. omission
2. distortion
3. lies

Callers and I claimed that faith is greater or "in a different realm" than logic. However, faith defined by the Holy Bible is "confidence in what we hope for and assurance in what we do not see." (Heb.11:1). We willing accept, praise, admire, and preach blind faith. Faith is nothing more than a wish. It lacks evidence and clings to smoke. 

I was drowning in Theism and wanted everyone along with me. Here is just a small example of how our language was different: Pouring It Out Like Salt. Terms like, "in my heart," "in the Word," and "tempted" were also common. In my experience, Evangelical Christianity flips the script and is proud of it. They are proud to see the world in a "different light"-we'd even sing songs about being "in the Light" (i.e. Jesus). 

But like a lot of religions, they omit the fact that faith is not logic, distort the importance of it, and lie that it will save you from eternal punishment. 

Faith was my everything; here's another post to explain how important it is in Christianity -Faith Culture. Faith is the foundation built on the sand, not the rock.

It is because of faith that we believed that we were to be holy as God is holy. We revealed this in dress as well. The language from Purity Culture stings just as much as its practices and principles. Clothing couldn't be flashy, revealing, short, or tight. No bra straps, cleavage, upper thigh, and god, forbid any ass to show! I once came to a crux with this doctrine when my doctor told me I needed to start letting my breasts breathe due to a rash buildup. How are people with big boobs supposed to fit into this box? 

Dress is meant for you to stand out just as much as it is made to make you fit in. Depending on the sect of Christianity one is from you can find attire that is as strict as the Amish to the casual, hip youth leaders with ripped jeans. Special clothing and designs can be seen from the roots of Judaism to seasonal garbs of the Pegan holidays. In my Lutheran Church, we had to wear long white robes with tassels. In Baptist churches, I had to make sure I wore the best of the best because we were taught that's what God deserved, especially in His house. When I volunteered at churches in Kentucky, we had to wear long skirts and shirts with sleeves.

Clothing brands you. Language controls you. Faith can harm you.

After the language and clothing are in place, it becomes much easier to "other" the rest of the world. I'm clean. You're not. I'm worthy. You're not. I'm saved. You're not. We are swept away from reality into a world we're made to believe is the Truth. We exchange our questions for unjustifiable answers and our individuality for a chance at Heaven.

My Mom despised the fact that I acted like I was better than everyone else because I didn't swear, gossip, curse, or get into trouble. Classmates outside my circle saw my church for what is was-just another cult. Inside the church I thought I was "trading my sorrows, trading my shame." Instead, I was laying myself down to die. Christianity boasts about crucifying the self because the flesh is corrupt and the soul is broken, but people need to know that this is just their language and is not reality.

I was a Christian for almost thirty years. It's hard to deconstruct your identity after so long, but it is so worth it. I believe in free speech, but tact. I believe in wearing what we want to wear but with respect to the occasion. If there is anything to take away from Christianity let it be: treat others how you wanna be treated, not brainwash them into your control. 

Petty

Has anyone ever called you petty?

Have you ever called anyone petty?

Like most people, it's easier for me to "dish it out" instead of "taking it." It's easier to point out someone else's pettiness than to look at our own. But if we're going to make the world a better place, we must always begin with as Michael Jackson once sang, "The Man in the Mirror" and not Tom Petty's "I Won't Back Down" right? But what if we are both? We might know that one person who's always complaining, but have we ever been the one who's been more "concerned with trivial things than what's important?"

I remember the first time my close friend called me petty..."It's been 84 years" since anyone's seen them now...jk jk 

Call it stubbornness or Hedonism, but I started pondering: What's wrong with being petty? Why is it even called that? What's its history? When did it start and why? 

Did you know that it means something totally different in the military? A Petty Officer in the Navy are comparable to a sergeant in the Army according to Google AI Overview.

From what I gathered from online dictionaries, it doesn't sound like a negative trait to have. Why wouldn't you want someone who cares so much about the little details when everyone else just sees the bigger picture? 

I discussed this with my friend this morning; in trying to come up with an example I had to laugh at how subjective the word even is! The same friend who had called me out for being petty over a work policy situation had taught me that words are descriptive, not prescriptive-they change because they are based on the culture and context. 

Culture and context is always key!

You see I always considered my Mom petty. She'd see that the dishes were dried with the wrong towel and thus, had to be rewashed; she'd see you got a C in P.E (from the P.E teacher being petty about the shirt you wore not being the perfect uniform) when every other class was an A. I hated these traits at the moment, but I hate (love) to say it...I thank her for some of that "pettiness" now. She knew that the wrong dish towel had germs. She knew I could do better. She knew I was smart. 

There is no doubt that I'm a spinning image of my mother regardless of how much I try to run away from it. Sometimes pettiness isn't just making a "mountain out of a mole hill;" it's paying closer attention.

I may be biased... But I think we need more petty people. 

Similar in relationships, I would say boundaries are key. Pick your battles. Examine yourself first, why is this (insert "petty" thing) such a big deal to me? What are the pros and cons to pursuing this conflict? 

Psychology courses have taught me to be less reactive to other's actions and more curious about their brain chemistry shaped by their surroundings. I think we should take this to heart before we call someone "petty." 

So...

• When was the last time you asked the person you call "petty" the reasons behind their actions?

Perhaps there needs to be dialogue instead of demonization, hmm? But where is the line drawn between being facetious and childish?

I had ripped down the "Hairnets & Gloves Are Required" paper sign from the office that faced my station. It had been an on and off again war with staff (me) and other managers (mainly just one of four kitchen managers). He was an ass in my (and others) opinion...But his enforcement had now been picked up by our department's new manager and despite not working with open food, here we were (in my opinion) wasting hairnets & gloves by having to wear them. I took out my frustration by dancing upon the now floor-bound signage only to be tormented by it again a few weeks later. But my mistake was telling my friend only my actions and not what lead up to it. Does that dismiss my actions? I don't think it was a big deal, but it depends who you ask.

My employer wanted to enforce hairnet and gloves rule regardless if we worked with open food all because we worked with vulnerable cliental. Our passive aggressiveness towards one another could have ended, I believe, if we all just sat down and talked it out. 

Before you point out the petty people, look at some of those fingers pointing back at you. Perhaps learning more about their point of view could be exactly what you needed to hear. And maybe, just maybe, you'll thank them for seeing something you hadn't! 

*image taken from Facebook repost

Christianity Can Be Cultish Part 2

"You know how much harm you have to cause to heal someone." -Forrest, The Atheist Experience 

Cults like to draw people in by appealing to their deepest desires-belonging, peace, confidence, love and so on. They offer a solution that has 'never been thought of before.' This is why no matter who you are, anyone can be fooled by a cult. A cult is defined not only by its beliefs being seperate from the current popular or large ones, but also by its isolation and new ways of thinking/living. It provides answers to our forever questions that can't be backed scientifically or logically. The purpose is to perpetuate the leader(s) ideology regardless of outside sources. 

This is in high contrast to science. Those who practice science are not the same as those who practice a religion-of which cults can sometimes fall under. Science involves multiple testing, peer review work, and is always open to criticisms and adjustments. Science is a continuation of learning, whereas, cults have a tendency to shut that down. Because of the culture cults create are so intertwined with an individual's identity it can seem like Plato's Allegory of the Cave is being performed before our very eyes. Science can alter lives for sure, both in negative (i.e bombs) and positive (i.e vaccines) ways. Science never claims to hold the meaning to life, but our knowledge in the fields of philosophy, psychology, and sociology can help us achieve a healthier future. 

Like in other tight knit groups, individuals in cults build deep bonds with the leader(s) and whom the leader(s) cherish. Emotional intimacy and in some cases, physical intimacy is established. The leader(s) is/are the  source of the group's joy and stability. The leader(s) know what say, when to say it, and how to say it (in some cases, their silence may speak for them). Followers are convinced to place boundaries against those whom they perhaps once trusted (i.e family and friends). This gives the leader(s) full access to control what their followers say, wear, and even act. The manipulation has brought the impressible brain to one of its lowest points in my opinion, and that is to forsake or be trained to hate one's individualism/humanity.

It's important to note that religions are not cults, but in extreme cases they can become one. Extremism in anything can have higher consequences than benefits. To the outside world religious fanatics are just that-extreme. But to those on the inside, it can feel like you're the only one who's found the lifeboat in this sinking ocean called life. When I was a Christian, I was taught:

1 Corinthians 1:18 (NIV)

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." 

And

Hebrew 6:4

"It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age and who have fallen away, to be brought back to repentance. To their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace." 

In addition to:

Matthew 4:7

"Jesus answered him (the devil), “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test." 

John 20:29b

"...blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

And last but not last, 

Hebrews 11:1

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." 

God-forbid (joke) someone read these verses out of context and apply them to their modern day doctrine.

Did you catch the language being used here? Do you see the conclusions that someone could draw?= Only we (the insiders) are wise/have the truth, only those who are/were truly "saved" remain faithful, and believe no matter what.

Cults teach the same thing. If you are more afraid of the consequences for asking questions and/or ever leaving your "faith," then that this a red flag. It's also a sign of an abusive relationship. 

In the extreme branch of Christianity I was in, with my own spin on the religion, and mixed with influencal people, I can now see how it taught me to stay in an unhealthy relationship. Not only are some Christian churches in the wrong for denying divorce and worse, blaming the victim and normalizing domestic violence/sexual assault situations, but their sermons, music, and studies can exhibit signs of emotionally abuse. Many Christians try but are unsuccessful in answering, "Why, if there is a god(s) does he/they allow bad things to happen." Shall we be reminded of Epicurus' quote? If the god I was taught exists, then as The Atheist Experience show likes to say, "He's an asshole." Even if somehow this "god" is stripped of their supernatural powers and still wanted to be my BFF (best friend forever), I'd be cautious. Instead the Christian god is all-powerful, all-knowing, all-present and we still have children with cancer. "But God loves you! Jesus died for you! He resurrected for you!" Is it wrong for me to ask prove it? 

Rather than just being a moral booster and mythological stories with lessons mixed with history, my (cultish) religion became my whole life. I literally went to an all girls retreat as a teenager called The Revolve Tour where we were challenged with: are our lives truly revolving around God?! Instead of honing in on math or science, which I enjoyed, I believed there was no greater job I could do than to tell others about Jesus. Jesus is the way, the truth, the life, the great Shepard, the wonderful counsel, the King of kings, the Lord of lords, my Savior, Lover, Best Friend, Husband, brother, teacher, mentor, idol... If I disobey, I recrucify him and cause the Holy Spirit to grieve. What kind of person am I to hurt the one person who did the impossible for me? This shame of wounding him that loved me so much to bear the horrors of the cross led me to self-harm, depression, and suicidal tendencies. I thought since I would never be rid of my sinful nature, it was better to just be with the Lord. Thankfully, like with Job & Jonah, I felt/believed God challenged me to stay alive. I had a mission after all! This is how we/I pleased Him-not by dying physically, but emotionally-and not just once but daily! "He must become greater and greater and I must become less and less." -John 3:30 was our goal, our mission, our identity and essentially our downfall. 

Picking up the pieces after shattering the religious identity is a process. Remember those days of old when you first embarked on the journey that led you into that cult. Your questions about the meaning of life and its value still exist; how are you going to respond to them? Remember how much time it took to be convinced that this cult was worth investing into? It's probably going to take double that amount of time to deprogram it all. Be gracious and patient with yourself. If you need help and community, here are some rad sources below:

Leaving Religion Org & Their Resources

The Atheist Experience

Some other sources based on topics mentioned: 

Handout

Anyone can be in cult

Cult psychology

History about cults

cult leader personalities

cults and religion

the book I'll be reading...

Signs of Emotional abuse

science and religion

science different from faith

example of Christian propaganda