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Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Risk Taker- Journey to India?

As I sat in traffic this morning, thirty minutes before I had to be at my appointment for the Indian Consultant (in which I don't understand why they make you set up an appointment because you still have to take a number & wait in line), my convo with God went a lil like this:

"Please God move this traffic along...please....please....clear the road....please...God...Come on, God....get these cars moving & make me on time for my appointment."

Ok. I lied. It wasn't a conversation. Just me whining.

Last week before I embarked on this journey to Houston to reapply for my student visa in person, I took a day to fast & meditate. Having the consulate deny my visa was certainly a bump in the road, but my peace in the Lord was stronger. Sure I had my moments where I was like, "Buuuuuuuuuut Gaaaaaaawwwwwddddddd!?" but I wasn't ripping my hair out (actually I've been ripping my jeans more than anything...turns out you gain weight when you eat pizza 24/7).

Well, in the midst of many voices & my own head, God eventually spoke through Ecclesiastes. I believe it was chapter 10. David and his poetic writing had me a little confused, but it's basically a chapter about living life with risks & full of happiness while in the days of your youth.

God was saying to go ahead and dive into the unknown, but remember that He controls & judges everything. That judgement particularly resting upon who I am along the journey.

So as I was panicking about this morning's traffic God took me to Ephesians 2:9. You have to read the surrounding verses to get the context. It is a very well known passage. It talks about God's enormous grace for us & how we are saved through His redemption alone & not by works. I read that verse & had to pray for what God was saying to me & my situation.

He said, "It's not about what has happened to you or what is happening, but how you respond to it...what are you going to do about it?"

I consistently had to pray: God, take this situation. Take this anxiety & the unknowns into your hands. I know you have what is best for me. Take my understanding and my wants. I trust in you. I give it all to you."

As I've said, I do have peace about whatever happens now. Although I wasn't able to get my visa answer right in person like all these miracle stories I heard before I traveled, I did have a miracle of my own. While at the consultant office I met a man who upon hearing about my situation called his friend who works with the consultant to try & speed my documents. Apparently this guy is the CEO of a gas company in India & other countries. And he is also a Christian (then again I'm discovering that "everyone in Texas is Christian").

So that was, needless to say, VERY cool!

Currently, I'm sitting at McDonald's (regretting all the salt I just engulfed) listening to the mix of music playing above & watching the sunset.

Most of my group from the study abroad program are already in India posting pictures from the flight & people & beauty....I was jealous...so I stopped following those people on Facebook lol.

It reminded me of when I was in junior high gym class and asked the p.e. teacher if I could change what locker I had because the girls I were around made me feel bad about myself. They didn't tease me or anything, but with their Barbie shaped bodies bedside mine it didn't make me have a self-esteem boost. That's an example of doing something about the cards that have been dealt to you and why.

I'm not saying run away from everything that makes you feel bad (although I do that....) or the other extreme of fighting everyone/everything to get your way. Know your Father in heaven, for He gives wisdom to His children who ask. He finds favor in you. He holds your tomorrows & is in control-no matter what your circumstances bring. Don't live life in fear or regret. Go & live life to the fullest!

https://youtu.be/KINfQbfZwik

Monday, January 25, 2016

Eskimo Kisses

Can't this be done & over with?
Microwaved love & left over kisses
Can't spill your guts & smear over the end
Let's speed things up for the sake of the draw

Not getting any younger here,
Your devilish youth pulls the covers over
Waves in the ocean, we wonder
Where the rights will turn left &
What will be next

Trusting in you is like trusting a fall,
I'm stuck in the mystery of something
Or stuck in a hole.
Play your cards just right & toss another net under this heart your about to catch.

Nothing comes from nothing,
It's nothing like I dreamt.
So I'll run & hide everything I really meant.

What I meant to say was I'm scared & a wreck,
The sailors came & went.
I watched the lighthouse burn & collapse,
My house was a wreck.

What I meant to do was take your hand,
Let you take my heart over my head
& we would set sail beyond the end-
Beyond the end all reason,
Beyond the end of all seasons,
Beyond the end of self pity & doubt,
Beyond this dreaded fear & drought,
Beyond these many miles between us
& the ages of time that keep us.

It's you, you I've found
All things happen for a reason,
It's you, you've I've found
A treasure way above ground

Stop this jealousy
Of things of the past.
Put an end of this foolery
Of things we can not change.

Warm up the kindle,
Spice up the cabinet,
A little sprinkle never hurt anyone,
So let's have it!

Patience rests my soul
As this love becomes full.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

It's Something, Somewhere

Do you feel your heart racing in your chest? That moment when you can't get any rest? They're on your mind and you can't feel your body. The fingers go numb...the chest is caving....the throat swells & you don't know where's the ending.

Those lips, those eyes, can you trust a new face?

Those laughs, that tast, can you trust just one embrace?

Stuck in the unknown. Left behind a set of wheels only to be stolen outside. The fires burning, we make up stories off the flames dancing. One moment, late nights, what are we chasing after?

We're in the middle. We're in that zone. You left too soon; this heart it's brittle. Is it just a game we play? Is it all just words we pretend to say? When your hands are on mine...

Wait around the bend. We'll see each other again. The light penetrates all that is new, shedding wisdom on the dew. These tears falling down her face...that uncertainty in his brow.

Tell me how this ends! Tell me where to begin once again!

Love is sweet & love is pure. Love has a sting, that's for sure.

Sweet sweet melody rush over me like honey. Keep reminding me to wait, wait, wait. A rose for the lost, a toast for the year. Pain has brought you & I here.

Bring peace & bring serenity. Relationships better be built on a firm foundation. My lover, let's build a firm foundation.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

To My One and Only

I'm not looking for a man who buys me flowers, in fact I hate flowers. You have to constantly water them, make sure they're in the sunlight, make sure they have the proper soil... And for what? They die after like a week! If you want to get me chocolates that's okay. But I'll probably complain about how fat I'm getting; and although you'll politely say,  "no", we both know the truth.

However, Doritos would be always welcomed.

A teddy bear would be nice too, but not those big gigantic teddy bears. I mean come on, do you really think I have somewhere to put that thing?! I would prefer something small, something I can hold onto, and grab while I'm sleeping. And just to let you know, Winnie the Pooh is my favorite.

If you're looking to "wow" me don't do it by quoting a cheesy pick up phrase or commenting about my body. Instead just sing, "Electric Feel" by MGMT. Or just have a conversation with me. Pick my brain! I love asking a million & one questions, so do the same!

I'm not a huge romantic. You don't have to hold my hand all the time, or kiss me before you leave. A simple hug here and there will do, but the type of hugs that let me know that you never want to let me go.

The perfect date would be just walking around, playing video games, fishing, moshing at a concert, or ridding the Top Thrill Dragster.... I'm simple, can't you tell?  But I'm also complicated & can't make hasty desicions, so don't ask me where I want to eat. I'll prolly say, "Something with beef or chicken & cheese."

Side note, I'm bad with directions. Also, I'm bad at spelling.

Technology isn't my strong suite either.

More importantly, I need someone to be silly and goofy along side me. Don't stare at me while I'm talking to myself or act like you don't know me while I bust out a air guitar solo in the car while in traffic. Yeah sure I want to lock arms sometimes and dress fancy, perhaps put on some red lipstick. But let's have fun & be crazy!
Not like the world gets crazy. We'll be a world of our own.

Let's make up games, have contests, dress up in customs & go to Comic Con. Let's watch Walking Dead & A Walk to Remember...what?-They play my favorite band.

We won't get drunk on alcohol or wine, rather we will get drunk off the Holy Spirit & each others company. We won't get high or buzzed off narcotics, or caught up in gossip & drama.

You'll be strong & brillant, cunning & sharp...and have amazingly awesome hair....hahah
All in all, you'll be found in the Lord.

I'll be gentle & wise, sweet & kind. Only ever because of our Savior.

We'll be two peas in pod. We'll stick together through thick & thin.

However, keeping in mind perfection never wins.

We are broken people trying to make things work. We'll fight & bicker. And I won't always be right.

We'll let pride & selfishness creep in, we'll let it steal our sunshine & bring about storms we wish wouldn't abide.

I wish I could be your Proverbs 31 girl. Someone who's excellant at cooking, cleans without complaining, cheers the same football team as you & even lets you go out with the guys on our anniversary.

But that would be a joke. I've done some things I'm not proud off. I'm not all glimmer and gold. However, I still have a heart & you're the one I want to hold.

Let me be your forever friend. Let me bless you, nourish you, help you...but never change you. Relationships are for growing together.

For the same God who corrects me needs to be present in your life.

Let's walk this narrow road together. When the one trips, stumbles & falls, the other is there to pick them up.

I want to love you like Jesus does, but I can't even come close.

I know you want to love me like Jesus does, but we both know the ending. And forgive me when I don't accept you're love, but instead allow fear & shame to block it off.

We'll pray together for guidance, abundance of grace, & a love that's unwavering.

Praying, "Father, teach me to listen & not criticize. Teach me to be humble & put myself aside. Teach me to be the man/woman they need at this moment. Praising you for a companship predestined from the beginning. Thanking you for your timing of things & most importantly, being a strong fortress in our time of need."

We all need someone that's more than a hot body to lay next too. Someone more than a one night stand. Someone who cares more about endurance & character than a momentarily fix.

My love, you are my one & only. Don't forget it.

So tell me what makes you happy & about your dreams. I'll cheer you on & pray you win. You bring me joy just being who you are, wherever you are...my one & only.

Wishing I knew you today or could meet you tomorrow. Until then, happy new year & God bless.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Angry, Offended & Unfairness

Although none of us wants to admit it…we all shop at Walmart for something or another. I used to be so adamant about not shopping there due to their international relations, running local businesses to the ground, and abusing their workforce labor.
But then again, those prices are so darn good and when you’re not a millionaire sometimes you’re forced to shop at such stores.
Well, at my local Walmart they contracted with the local police to better enforce anti-theft regulations. Thus, when you go in or leave, you are greeted by this police guy who we all know, just like the employees, don’t want to be there. (I apologize to anyone who does work there…this is just my experience and obviously doesn’t reflect upon every Walmart…maybe like 99.9% but you could be that 1% that’s not included….)
So my friends and I are about to leave with a cart full of stuff, but since there is now this police guy at the doorway we cannot leave unless we prove that we bought the things we have in our carts. Because being the store for two flip’n hours isn’t accurate enough proof, we have to pull out our receipts we stuffed in our wallets on the bottom of our purses. Why am I making such a big deal out this? It would be different if this was like Sam’s Club, where you don’t have bags covering all your items and don’t have thousands of people trying to leave at once. So being the young adult I am (I say that in a mockery way of myself), I voice my ‘sophisticated opinion’: “This is so dumb. Checking receipts at Walmart doesn’t make sense!”
I’m realizing that some thoughts are better left unsaid.
The officer, who was a woman, then proceeds to say, “You know what? It is a little bit, but it’s a job and when it’s a job that puts food on the table it’s worth it.” She proceeded to say other things too and as I felt a little bit salty (for you older folks, that means “bad”) I thought about how she took my comment as directed to her. She was obviously offended when I targeting my misunderstanding towards Walmart’s conduct.
Oh Walmart stories. Got to love them, don’t chay?
But how many of us have been in that lady’s shoes? (hypothetical question, don’t raise your hands)
I’m currently reading these books that were recommended for the interns traveling with Global Hope India. One of those books being, The Bait of Satan by John Bevere. It’s a book about taking offense or being offended, however you put it. I’ve gotten through the first chapter moving from “oh this book doesn’t apply to me” to “oh God I’m offended at every little thang ain’t I?!”
It’s a good book; you should go read it and not get offended that I told you that you should do go read it ;)
All in all, this brings us to our scripture of course. If you would turn with me or go on BibleGateway.com to Matthew 11, we gots some learn’ns to do.
In the first few passages we are immediately thrown into John the Baptist’s (no not the Baptist you think of) mindset: “Are you the one we are to expect or is there somebody else we should be looking for?” he asks.
The context of this scene is that John has been in jail for a while now due to the government officials not liking his preaching of “the kingdom of God being near” and gathering such a huge crowd of followers.  So John sends out his buddies, his disciples, to Jesus who has been ministering to these surrounding towns and performing miracles. They repeat John’s question, “Are you the one we have waited for or are we to keep on waiting?”
Now why do think John would even for a split second think this? After all he was the one who baptized Jesus! And on that same day the Holy Spirit descended upon Jesus and the heavens parted as God, the Father spoke!
Why would any of us ask such a question?
I’m going to take some liberty here and guess that the reason he would even for a second wrestle with this question while in his jail cell is that he felt offended. He was hurt. He felt mistreated. This wasn’t fair! He was being locked up for telling people the Good News! How absurd right! He should be receiving thanks and praises! After all he was saving people from hell by instructing them to repent! He was baptizing them and teaching them how to be “new creations”! This wasn’t right…this wasn’t how his life was suppose to end…
I don’t know if you have ever heard of The Voice of the Martyrs before, but it is an amazing ministry. I am subscribed to their newsletter and receive a magazine that informs me about our brothers and sisters around the world facing persecution for the sake of Christ. Houses are burned, churches are raided, families torn apart, people are even killed for the preaching the Good News. VOM comes in and tries to restore what has been broken, provided money, food, shelter or whatever is needed to encourage these missionaries.
There are so many times I read or hear people ask, “Is it worth it? Is believing in Jesus really worth dying for?”
Later in the Gospels we read that John the Baptist is beheaded all for the sake of entertainment by the officials.
Here in America, as you have heard me say before, I don’t believe we even come close to a centimeter of persecution as our brothers and sisters do in Christ around the world.
I don’t have the full justification or could even come close to suppling you a satisfying answer as to why there is such persecution towards Christians in the world.
But let’s keep reading Matthew 11 to see what Jesus response is. So disciples come and ask their question, “Are you the One or not?”
Jesus says, “Well, of course I’m the One idiots.”
No. He doesn’t say that. What He does say is this, “Look around you-the deaf can hear, the lame can walk, and the dead are raised. Go then and report what you have seen and heard.”
Can we take a minute here and thank our friends in our lives who are willing to not only hear our deepest darkest thoughts but take them to the Lord for us?!
The scripture then reads that as John’s disciples are leaving, Jesus begins speaking to the crowds saying: “Who did you go in the wilderness to see? Was some famous person? No. It certainly was not Billy Graham. Was it is some good look’n person? No. No, it was no Ryan Gosling. Rather it was a man set to prepare the way of Lord. Truly I tell you no one has ever or will ever be born that is greater than he. Yet, the least in heaven will be greater than he.” (some things were added in this recollection)
Why was Jesus saying all this? It’s because Jesus knew what John’s real question was. The questions wasn’t just, “Are you the awaited Messiah” but: Jesus, we did all these things for you why didn’t you…..
You fill in the blank.
Jesus, I gave up my career, my house, my security for you…Why didn’t you……
Jesus, I gave up my friends, and my family for you…Why didn’t you…..
Jesus, I gave up my engagement, my future, my identity for you…Why didn’t you….
In verse 6 of Matthew 11, Jesus states, “And if anyone is not offended because of Me, he is blessed.”
Jesus has also mentioned this similar statement in other Gospels; saying “Blessed are those who don’t stumble on account of me.”
I’ve come to the conclusion by realizing this process that leads to being offended. It all begins with misunderstanding: “I don’t get it, God.”
Which leads to being resentful: “This is unfair!”
Which when further entertained can turn into, “I don’t deserve this!”
And when we become offended, we stumble, and we stumble, we no longer just question our circumstances but our positions, our identities, and our God.
“This isn’t right. This wasn’t suppose to happen. It wasn’t suppose to go out like this! Why didn’t it work out?! Why were the results that way? Why am here right now? I should be over there! Where is God? Doesn’t He see what’s going on? Doesn’t He care? Why am I still alive? What is my purpose? Why is there so much suffering and pain? I bet those stories were all made up. There is no one who cares. There is no God….”
Sound like you at all?
Have you ever been there?
I looked up the official definition of “offended” and found that this is what it means: resentful, annoyed, as a result of a perceived insult.
Did you catch that? Read it again. “A perceived insult.”
Meaning, you took it like this and it was suppose to be taken this way.
Jesus responded to John’s disciples, “Testify to what you have seen and what you have heard.”
Continuing in Matthew 11, Jesus paints this analogy for the town people. “Who am I to compare this generation to? They are like children sitting by the market place who said, “We played the flute for you but you did not dance. We sang a lament (a sad song) for you but you did not cry.””
Basically Jesus is saying, “Y’all become offended too easily.”
Scripture tells us there will be pain and suffering in this world; there will be tribulation.  However, scripture also tells us that God has never forsaken us. He hears our every thought even before we speak it! In James and 1 Peter we are reminded that the testing of our faith produces endurance. That when we with stand the test, we will receive the crown of life. Paul reminds us that our battle isn’t against flesh and blood, but the spiritual realm and that Satan prowls around seeking to destroy us. Through the Holy Spirit and the Holy Bible we are given our armor to fight and in Revelation we are reminded that nothing will overcome the power of our testimony in Jesus Christ!!!!!!!
And Jesus replied to John’s disciples, “Testify to what you have seen and what you have heard.”
Let Jesus remind you on what you have seen-
I have seen sinners repent, the old become new, blessings appear out of nowhere.
Let Jesus remind you on what you have heard-
You say my faith can move mountains and that with you I can anything.
Let Jesus remind about who you are-
You are His most prized possession, the sparkle of His eye, His Beloved.
Let Jesus remind you about who He is-
You are the One True God.
You think, “Well, yes Samantha that sounds great and all. But what if what I see and hear is more of the problem than it is the answer?”
Than let me remind you what scripture says
“What no eye has seen and no ear has heard, what has never come into a man’s heart, is what God has prepared for those who love Him.”- 1 Cor. 2:9
In Philosophy class we discuss how man develops this mentality of either the “higher-ups” don’t know what’s going on down here or that they don’t care.
God is not our governments. He is not ‘The Man upstairs.
He knows and He cares. You may not understand His ways, but I assure you they higher than our ways and His thoughts higher than our thoughts.
Don’t fall into that never ending hole of offense. Take heart and rest in this faith, for as Jesus concludes in Matthew 11 I conclude with you:
“Come to Me (Jesus), all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. All of you, take up My yoke and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

-verse28 through 30