As I sat in traffic this morning, thirty minutes before I had to be at my appointment for the Indian Consultant (in which I don't understand why they make you set up an appointment because you still have to take a number & wait in line), my convo with God went a lil like this:
"Please God move this traffic along...please....please....clear the road....please...God...Come on, God....get these cars moving & make me on time for my appointment."
Ok. I lied. It wasn't a conversation. Just me whining.
Last week before I embarked on this journey to Houston to reapply for my student visa in person, I took a day to fast & meditate. Having the consulate deny my visa was certainly a bump in the road, but my peace in the Lord was stronger. Sure I had my moments where I was like, "Buuuuuuuuuut Gaaaaaaawwwwwddddddd!?" but I wasn't ripping my hair out (actually I've been ripping my jeans more than anything...turns out you gain weight when you eat pizza 24/7).
Well, in the midst of many voices & my own head, God eventually spoke through Ecclesiastes. I believe it was chapter 10. David and his poetic writing had me a little confused, but it's basically a chapter about living life with risks & full of happiness while in the days of your youth.
God was saying to go ahead and dive into the unknown, but remember that He controls & judges everything. That judgement particularly resting upon who I am along the journey.
So as I was panicking about this morning's traffic God took me to Ephesians 2:9. You have to read the surrounding verses to get the context. It is a very well known passage. It talks about God's enormous grace for us & how we are saved through His redemption alone & not by works. I read that verse & had to pray for what God was saying to me & my situation.
He said, "It's not about what has happened to you or what is happening, but how you respond to it...what are you going to do about it?"
I consistently had to pray: God, take this situation. Take this anxiety & the unknowns into your hands. I know you have what is best for me. Take my understanding and my wants. I trust in you. I give it all to you."
As I've said, I do have peace about whatever happens now. Although I wasn't able to get my visa answer right in person like all these miracle stories I heard before I traveled, I did have a miracle of my own. While at the consultant office I met a man who upon hearing about my situation called his friend who works with the consultant to try & speed my documents. Apparently this guy is the CEO of a gas company in India & other countries. And he is also a Christian (then again I'm discovering that "everyone in Texas is Christian").
So that was, needless to say, VERY cool!
Currently, I'm sitting at McDonald's (regretting all the salt I just engulfed) listening to the mix of music playing above & watching the sunset.
Most of my group from the study abroad program are already in India posting pictures from the flight & people & beauty....I was jealous...so I stopped following those people on Facebook lol.
It reminded me of when I was in junior high gym class and asked the p.e. teacher if I could change what locker I had because the girls I were around made me feel bad about myself. They didn't tease me or anything, but with their Barbie shaped bodies bedside mine it didn't make me have a self-esteem boost. That's an example of doing something about the cards that have been dealt to you and why.
I'm not saying run away from everything that makes you feel bad (although I do that....) or the other extreme of fighting everyone/everything to get your way. Know your Father in heaven, for He gives wisdom to His children who ask. He finds favor in you. He holds your tomorrows & is in control-no matter what your circumstances bring. Don't live life in fear or regret. Go & live life to the fullest!
https://youtu.be/KINfQbfZwik
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