As I got up this morning with the always consist urge to pee and realization I must have forgotten to set my alarm or slept through it, I was reminded of my previous nights promise: "God, I'll seek you in the morning." (lil side note, I typically do devos in the evening) That is how every night has been for awhile and to be honest, it will prolly be the same again later in life as I get drowned out by the demands of work, school, friends & family. But this morning I simply couldn't just put aside seeking God again. So instead of doing my last minute homework for my 9 o'clock class, I sat in the living room and sought the creator of the universe instead.
These are the accounts of my devotions that brought about a tremendous reminder to me, I hope it does the same for you.
Instead of walking step by step through my thought processes that can be so entangling (because I am a typical complicated woman hahah), I will jump ahead to my summary [bare with me and my poor drawings...for my defense it was only 7 am]
This picture embodies what I was discovering in Hebrews 10:1-14, 20 & Hebrews 11:1-3.
The scripture talks about Jesus being the ultimate sacrifice, how the Law from the Old Testament was not what was going to bring goodness and how God desired a pure body dedicated to Him instead.
I was struck by this one verse:
Hebrews 10:14
New International Version (NIV)
" For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy." (emphasis mine)
I was taken back because if you know anything about me or are anything like me, I have been battling shame and guilt over the weight of my sins (more distinctively that of which pertains to my last blog entry). If you're anything like me, perhaps you have prayed or come to the same conclusion that I did this morning:
"I don't tell anyone about my struggles because I believe that I deserve this shame, when really it's a cope out to facing the punishments. Again I am playing Lord, although I have been branded by you Lord."
When I read this verse instead of feeling that "oh holy fuzzy feeling" (which Idk why I came up with that term, but you get the point), I got more of the "OH GOD HOW DO I KNOW THIS IS REAL?! HOW DO I KNOW THAT YOUR ARE REAL?! HOW DO I KNOW THAT THIS IS THE TRUTH?!" feeling. You ever get that? Because even in philosophy class-of which I could relate to why I would even come up with such questioning (not saying it is bad), I've learned we all ask such questions.
For an unbeliever this might be sightly hard in what I have to say next because it will relate to something you have not yet experienced and yet, can never disprove of. You see I was reminded or remembered a specific date in my life where I can 100% claim I was transformed into a different person. I flashed back to July 2, 2005 to be more exact and the days that led up to it. It was when I took a huge leap out of my comfort zone, went on this wild trip called Creation Fest in PA. with two bus loads of students I barely knew. It was the week that God became real for me. It was the week that His Spirit came alive in me. It was when I heard the voice of my Father and knew I was not alone.
- Have you had an experience of where God became real to you?
- Have you ever heard His voice or felt His presence?
- Can you pinpoint a day or moment where you solely gave your life to Him?
Because I want you to remember that, with every detail.
Were you alone in your room after a painful event asking God to prove Himself?
Where you in room crowded with your peers singing praise songs?
Or perhaps it happened during a lecture, sermon, retreat, in an alley, in a smelly van or broken down home.
Where ever and whenever it was-remember.
>>It was June 29th 2005, the very first day of our adventure of the Creation Festival on Agape Farm. The "mountains" as we called them (because we knew no better coming from northern Illinois) enclosed us from behind. In front of the thousands gathered, rested a metal and wood stage with huge blue and yellow streamers vertically descending to the side grounds. I was hot, sweaty, nervous and excited. Sitting in a used lawn chair that prolly was birthed from the 60's that my grandparents let me borrow. Our first speaker was Greg Laurie (I think that is how you spell it). The bible story came from John 14 and 2 Timothy and probably a lot more too, but I wasn't that concerned. What got me was what had been capturing me for the last few months at the new youth group I was just becoming to be apart of-the fact that these people spoke with passion and clarity on knowing Jesus personally like He desired. In not worrying about the fact that I wouldn't be able to take a shower till I was absolutely caked in dust and dirt, rubbing shoulders with people I barely knew, I grabbed a hold of what my favorite parts of the message and what I was going to do to apply them. Before Greg finished, like what all of the speakers would continue to do that week, he gave the invite for us accept Christ. One of the things that one could do to reveal that we were making such a commitment was to stand up from our seats. Well, after scraping off my sweaty legs from the chair, I rose.I remember a breeze swiped over us...I remember feeling as if time stood just for a quick second, thinking "this is what I was missing." The speaker continued to pray for the crowd, but I choose to concentrate on who this God was instead. I remember looking up in to the bright baby-blue sky, but having to quickly wince back down due to the blaring light. I remember hearing these words in my head, "I am your Father and I have never left you." I smiled and embraced those words as if they were the water that I prolly desperately needed at the moment as well lol!<<
So how does all of this relate to the picture? Well, for one it is an image of the veil being torn (Mark 15: 37-39). The scripture in Hebrews and numerous other places say that it was Jesus body broken/tore for all people (Luke 22:19-20). He was the perfect lamb (1 Peter 1:18-19), fully God (Colossians 2:9) and the only Priest worthy of the job (Hebrews 4:14-16). So the veil represents His body making a way into the Holy of Holies where God deals (used to deal) among His people. Those with the head-coverings are the religious people fleeing the sight because they can not face the Truth (Matthew 23). The rest represent the Gentiles, the once separated from being Chosen to be Holy (Acts 11:1-18). The one kneeling represents me. I am not kneeling due to awe, but disgust with myself that I should be able to have such free access. I know who I am and where I've been. That's where Christ comes into play, again. With His resurrection He is able to come to me where I am, lift me up, dust me off & love me unconditionally (Romans 5:8).
And this is what we are called to remember. Have you remembered recently?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo9-lyyHQmk
is it true that you'll love me no matter what I'd do?/is there really a God up in the sky that cares for you & I?/What is it that I am that makes Him a man/a man to die for my needs/and my messed up wants?/are you everything I lack?/everything I wish to have?/somethings missing for sure-no denying that/is it true you whisper in this heart of mine?/telling great & unimaginable things such as everythings fine?-there is peace/is it true that there are arms of grace extended wide?/Despite the fact that I hide?/I can no longer look my self in the eye/is it true that your are the perfect guy?/how to be sure these are not fables?/how to be sure you are not a dream/if I were to really wake-perhaps I'd see the insides/are you something I can feel?/Thomas once had a chance/can you appear to me/please draw near/are we all your children?/are we all truly set free?/what about these chains I bind around what you call righteous-do you still love me?/do you turn your gaze to something more tasteful?/are you close to those who hunger?/for those who are weak and dying/to those who are written in the golden book of yours & still throw dirt in their faces/why do you care?/why do you continue to show such kindness?/before the plea for a savior slid from our tongues you took the guilt/can you take my shame now?/a body lies broken in my arms/and I can't bare to carry the lifeless only Life/turn my unbelief to faith
