Self-Reflections

Black & White

Who Are We?

Some would think that this would be my easiest semester since it is my last. However, moving into the second week of studies it is proving to be my hardest. Not academically...rather psychologically. All of my classes involve interactions with different cultures, ethnics, religions, philosophies,-people. (Cough, cough says the introverted biracial mid-twenties girl living in America)

Being a Christian, I solely believe that we are supposed to be all inclusive. But what does that look like in my daily life? I am finding that despite my grasp on what some would say "my religion,” that rather the small town in Illinois that I grew up in has more influence on me than I would like to admit. I am undeniably learning how to be humble in ways I did not think where necessary. A.K.A: this is Samantha waking up to the world of Social Work.

It seems like every little thing I do or say can/could be offense to someone. Should I be afraid of this? Why or why not? Doesn't the Bible teach that we should not live to please man (Gal. 1, emp. vrs 10.)But where does God's grace fit in? Doesn't He desire everyone to know Him- Jesus? (2 Peter 3, emp vrs 9) But then where does love...true love that comes with discipline/correction...come in? (Hebrews 12). I am not just facing this conundrum as a student going to a commuter university downtown Denver, but as someone who desires to work in the missionary field…i.e India.

Does anyone have the right ways? The right steps? The right theories and approaches? Is it always just “black & white?” Or it is mainly always “the middle ground?” How does one effectively not just live in “peace”, but minister to someone who is 100% different than themselves and not take away from that other party but respectively add to the other person’s way of life?

Speaking of “black & white”…I have never really spoken of this much but this too may soon change. For those who do not know me I am both black and white. I guess I could say “African-American” and “Caucasian.” Yet, all I really know is the “white” side of life. I have a black father. But for those who also do not know, I have never met my biological father. I have had one man in my life who has been there since day one. I now call him Dad. He is African-American. Despite this inclusion, I do not know…truly know my roots. Thus, I was the “black” kid in my family. I often forget that I am “of color”…but these last few years of living in Denver with an African-American elderly woman, I have been more aware of exactly who I am.

There were times when I was just a child I wished/prayed I was white so I would fit in more, sure…I have always hated my afro-frizzy hair, yes. But as much as tried to fit in with everybody, it seemed that I most excluded from the “black” kids. Even this summer when I did an internship in Raleigh, NC my coworkers (all black or Hispanic) referred to me as “the light-skinned girl.” I have come to understand that this “middle-ground” battle is nothing new for people like me.

Will this tension ever dissolve? Both internally and spiritually? I don’t know. Just like the question that we debated in my Community Change class yesterday, is collaboration the ultimate answer/solution to everything. I don’t know.

… 

The Divinity of Jesus part 2

God's Will is Not Perfect....

Please turn or click to  Mark 1 and grab a sheet of paper. 

• What characteristics do you see from Jesus right off the bat (immediately)?

This is what I saw: Jesus preaching. Jesus healing.  Then, Jesus proceeded to preach and...Jesus continued to heal. Lastly, Jesus preached and...surprise, surprise He did some more healing. 

Can we take a split second

to recognize that the "first exorcism"

took place in a synagogue (Jewish temple).

Although the focus of this post is going to primarily be pertaining to verses 40-45, I want us to keep in mind the setting and posture of Jesus here.

This passage and passages similar to it has always puzzled me. This whole scenario of Jesus warning/advising people He has healed to not tell others. Isn't this contrary to what we "church folks" have been taught? If you are re-reading the Gospels with me or perhaps reading them for the first time and following this blog, didn't we just read in Matthew 10: 27 that Jesus wanted us to proclaim what He has done from the rooftops?!

However, we see a different command from Jesus here. But, like other things in the Holy Bible we must remember that this was a circumstantial command. 

I use The Apologetics Study Bible and they note this for verse 44: 

"If Jesus was the Messiah, why did He not allow

the man with the skin disease to spread the news

about Him? Jesus did not want His program

co-opted  by others (see John 6:15, 7:3-6). He would

reveal Himself on His own terms when

the time was right..."

Does anyone else find it interesting that Jesus has wants? Maybe let me ask you this question after you read Mark 2.

• What characteristic(s) do you see in Jesus now?

I'll let you know what I immediately saw was: mind-reader! (vrs 8) 

Later on we also see Jesus having the capability to know the future in some sense.

So let me point out my previous statement again in light of this new information about Jesus-Jesus has wants. 

How is it possible/conceivable that someone with the intuition and fore-knowledge like Jesus would have wants?

Jesus wanted this man that He just healed to not tell anyone about what happened. Why? Well, as mentioned above it is believed that Jesus basically wanted His ministry to be unhindered. Meaning, He wanted everything to happen in its proper time. He wanted to get the most uninterrupted time with the people. He wanted His preaching to be open, accepted and declared from the rooftops. However, Jesus knew that this could not happen when more and more news of his radical actions reached not just the masses, but the religious leaders. Could His ministry have lasted longer than just three years if the people he healed and told not to tell anyone actually did not tell anyone???

This all made me question God's will. God knew before time began what was going to happen. He holds all things in His hands; nothing is out of His will. 

And yet, I  am puzzled by why He would still have wants. Why tell people not do something when you already know what they are going to do?

I was instantly reminded of Romans 12: 1-2. 

"...His good, pleasing and perfect will."

Jesus wanted something done a certain way. Why? Because it would have been easier for both Him and mankind? Is this what makes His plan/will perfect? When things are easy?

Well, according to the Google dictionary Perfect means:

being free or as free as possible from

all flaws/defects

God's will still happened although this man (and many of us) disobey His commands. But, was/is His will made perfect in that flaw/defect of sin?

I would say no. But this is just a theory. 

I knew I blow some minds by saying "God's Will is Not Perfect" as my subtitle. I left the statement open-ended on purpose though. For the first part in Romans 12 give us our conclusion. 

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

You see I don't think that God's wants and God's will is the same thing. God's will happens regardless of His wants (desire to posses or do something). As the lady I live with commented, "It is six of one, half dozen of another" when it comes to either us choosing the easy or hard road in regards to God's will. But God's wants seems to say, "it's my way or the highway." The highway is not His want for you, but He will accomplish what He set out to do regardless. Just like how Jesus's end goal was to still die on the cross for our sins. The path getting there just may have looked differently if we obeyed  along the way...then again...I guess if we obeyed everything, we wouldn't have needed to Jesus to die for our sins...and thus, this is where some philosophers/"Christians" get into the conundrum of saying everything happens for a reason.

I don't know if I agree..

• Does everything happen for a reason?  

All in all we must ask, what does God want?

Now that ladies and gents is the real age ol' question...not "what is God's will?".

I can not proceed without questioning my new theory. Is saying that God's will is not made perfect unless it is in correspondence with our obedience actual Truth? How can a flaw (a sinful being) ever be put together/ be a part of flawlessness (God)?

The answer is simple. And it is all in the name of this "series". Jesus.

It is important to remember that God does not need me. 

But God wants me. Big difference.

How can a Perfect Being (because He not only wills/wants perfection, but He is perfection) allow imperfection? This answer is a little bit more complicated. For the major flaw is not/would not have been the sin...stay with me now...the major flaw would have been creating humans with robotic love towards Himself.

He has wants and thus, He instilled in us to have wants. For we are His image-bearers says Genesis. However, those wants we have are thought to be satisfied by another other than God. This is where sin enters the picture. 

So again, God sees the bigger picture-a genuine and intimate relationship with Himself and His creations.

• What do you think? Am I boxing God in by saying His will is not perfect unless it is in addition to our obedience/love?
• Can we really limit God?
• Can we change God's plans? If yes, how?

I want to say yes and no based off other stories we read in the Bible. Don't get me wrong, I believe God's wants of perfection are reached regards if the path is straight or curvy/upside down/backwards/bent/ or broken (like our selves). It is that one road incorporates just His sovereignty, while the other adds in grace.

Like I said, the answer is always Jesus.

Click & listen to Robert Frost's "The Road Less Taken"

  

My Church

My church is awesome! My church is amazing! No really!

It meets everyday and everywhere! 24/7. There is no one who is excluded, no one who is shamed, no one who is mistreated! Ever.

My church is superb. It is the church of all churches. It is both big and small.  We meet inside and outside. We meet behind bars, in clubs, in four walls, in a field, in the basement, behind glass doors, on top of a hill...anywhere, you name it! 

You come just as you are, you come because you want to not because someone tells you to, you come with joy and laughter. 

Sometimes you might come with heartache, pain, chaos, troubles, and burdens; guilt, regrets, fear, confusion. But I tell you, you will not leave with these items! Never.

You will not leave the same. You will be given a helping hand always! 100%

No one will look down on you, no one will turn you away! I personally will give you rest, comfort, food & shelter; I will give wisdom & knowledge, relief and strength. Forever.  

I don't just brag about my church, but I take tremendous pride in my church. 

We are from all nations, all ethnics, all groups and tribes. We are all family.  We are all one.

We all embody the very essence of love. Some say we are different, some might say we are extreme. But, we don't fret, we don't judge. 

We pray together, we sing together, we eat together. Everyone speaks their mind because all minds are respected. All are honored. Questions are welcome. Answers flow willingly. Nothing is left unsaid, nothing left to second guessing.

At my church, people serve. People speak, preach and teach. People heal, guide, and create. We are all one. We are made up of many talents and gifts. Some are loud, some are behind the scenes. All are equal. 

We are thankful for one another and we look out for one another. We correct what needs correcting and leave the past in the past. We are the most moral, the most law-abiding, most gracious, most giving. 

My church never locks its doors. My church is not covered in gold and big shiny cars. We share all things. Money does not define us nor does it uphold us.

My church has no leaders, no elders, no governing party...that is of man-kind.

Rather I, alone, am the Cornerstone. I alone hold all things together. I am a Friend to all who call upon my name.

My name is Jesus & my brothers and sisters are the Church. 

I love them. I protect them. My Spirit speaks to them. 

My Father secures them. 

My Church is not of Earth. It is not made, constructed or molded by human hands & philosophies. It is not trapped into the cold chains of religion. 

My church is free and promotes freedom. They are made perfect by abiding in one thing-a relationship with me.

Would you like to join my Church? 

Divinity of Jesus

Ever since Jesus showed up on this earth people have been boggled by who He was. If you have read my The Bad News, you would know that I have been encouraged to reread the Gospels. Well, today I finally finished Matthew. Hooray! 

I am not typically someone who sticks with one book of the Bible and reads it straight through, but this has proven to be a very enlightening experience. Thus, from what I have concluded and continue to pursue, I encourage you to join along with me! Surprise, surprise teehee

I have decide to entitle this study "The Divinity of Jesus" as I/we will be looking distinctly at WHO Jesus exactly was. 

This is my prayer:

"Father,

You are magnificent indeed! Captivate us with your Truth presented in the Gospel of Jesus. Help us see, listen, and live out this Truth. Forgive us of our pride. Humble us and make us new, Holy Spirit. In Jesus's name I ask all these things, Amen."

Now, I'll be upfront with you-I probably will not be going through each chapter like a good devotional writer would be. Rather, I'll just be sharing my thoughts based on whenever the Holy Spirit teaches me something personally. So again, I can not say this enough, read the Bible for yourself!

I will, however, try my best to keep up this theme of summarizing at the end of Gospel accounts about who Jesus was. 

So first let me ask you...who was Jesus? Maybe take this time now to grab a sheet of notebook paper and write down your thoughts. It doesn't matter if it's right or wrong at this point. Nor do you have to back up your statements. That's what this study is about.

Now, answer this...who is Jesus to you in your daily life? Do your answers match? Why or why not?

Looking up the word "Divinity" we see that it comes from the word "Divine." Divine, according to Google, means "of, from, or like God."

From this we then must ask, keeping in mind our answers to our previous questions, how does this all tie into knowing God?

Finishing up Matthew, I have made myself a list on the characteristics I saw presented in Jesus. I will put some passages near each description in which I felt best described that attribute. Please share your thoughts on if you agree or disagree. 

Miraculously born-Matthew 1:18-25

God's favor-Matthew 3:13-4:1-11 

healer-Matthew 9: 18-34

provider-Matthew 15: 29-39 

teacher-Matthew 5-7 

instructor-Matthew 10 

profound-Matthew 13 

forgiver-Matthew 9: 1-8 

son of man and God-Matthew 26: 57-27:1-56

Conqueror-Matthew 28: 1-10 

In rediscovering (or maybe you're discovering for the first time) who Jesus was, we are immediately confronted with something out of this world...something some people might say is no different from any other religion...something that is perhaps just made up. 

But in staying on this topic of focusing on who Jesus was before we apply it to our personal belief system or not, we actually see three divine characters at play: God (the Father), God's son Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

This in other terms is called the Holy Trinity or three in one. To best describe this concept, I use this picture:

 

Each hand has five fingers. The index finger, middle finger, & ring finger are our longest fingers that are also the most closest in similar height. Although they each have different names and can be used for different purposes, they are the part of the same hand. That hand then we will say is God. 

As we continue to read not only the Gospels, but the Holy Bible in its entirety, we see there are two more "divine" characters-you (the individual) and us (the Body of Believers, a.k.a The Church). 

The Jesus we read about in Matthew and will soon read in Mark, Luke & John, is not just an ordinary man from Nazareth. Nor is He just a good person, a prophet, or an  imaginary figure. He was God. Not an incarnation of God like Hinduism teaches. For He is God. Jesus was fully God and fully man. Yet, He was God's "son."  

I know this doesn't make sense. And I also know that I can never fully explain this to you nor make you believe. I do believe, however; that I can point you to the Truth and the Word says that it will NOT return back void. You will choose to have faith or not to have faith. And Jesus taught on what those two choices lead to. There is no third choice. 

I am here if you would like to discuss more, but for now stay tuned for what discoveries lay ahead in Mark!   

"Jesus; He's One Crazy Dude!"

A quote from my beloved friend as we discussed about her life in the Spirit.
I couldn't help but think of that very quote this morning as I read the words of Matthew 26:31-56, but in particular verses 52-56.
This is the night Judas, whom note Jesus still called "friend", betrays him.
Not only does Jesus's "friend" betray Him with a kiss, but all of His other "friends" run away!
It's one messed up night!
What began as a celebrative dinner for the festival Passover called Unleavened Bread, ended now with a man's ear getting chopped off!
Can you imagine?!
The man, Jesus, fully God, the Creator of the universe in flesh, being bound & gagged like a criminal?
When I was home in Illinois this past week my sister saw my new tattoo of a crown of thorns on my wedding finger. We got to talking about what it was & what Jesus went through for our sins. She commented, "It didn't hurt though, right? When they put on the crown of thorns, they didn't hurt him right?"
Ugh, what a cute innocent statement that I had to reject!!!
In this passage of Matthew we find Jesus praying not once, not twice, but THREE times for the Father to "pass this cup from him."
Meaning Jesus was like: "No, I don't want to do this!"
But impressively Jesus continues to pray...we don't know if there was a long pause between the next statement or not...we don't know if he was actually contemplating another way or not...what we do know is that He prayed: "Not my will, but your will."
The most humbling & yet, confusing words to have fallen from our Savior's lips.
"Yet, your will..not mine."
I triple under lined this, I highlighted it, circled it & starred it.
This blows my mind!
How? Why?
Jesus, you're one crazy dude.
That you would know what the future holds, have the emotions to express anguish & yet, the glory to live through a crucifixion!
So what do we the readers do with this?
It's not Easter, so we can put it side for now right?
I can't help but think that what Jesus challenges his friends/disciples to do in verse 41 could be said of us today:
"Stay awake & pray, so that you won't enter into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."
How "awake" have you been spiritually?
Who are you praying to & why?
Are you listening for your answers & expecting a way out of temptations? Why or why not?
What areas in your life is your spirit willing but your flesh is weak?
In answering these questions for yourself, I encourage you to do one more thing.
As custom during their festival dinner, Jesus & his disciples sang Psalms 113-118. Now if you have a voice like me, I don't see you necessarily singing these chapters but rather meditating on them instead.
Life with Jesus is a ride you don't want to miss.
Although, you will find that God's world seems to flip ours upside down.
The power of our Triune God is unexplainably undeniable.

To Remember for Parenthood

Things to remember & hopefully practice when parenthood/family life approaches gathered from my personal observations & conversations:

1) Relationship with God needs to be more present in the household than just in a church service/activity

2) Minimize word usage of: no, don't, shouldn't, & because I said so (that is when no explanation is followed)

3) Read every day

4) Say I love you more & especially after an argument/fight/ or punishment has been carried out

5) Remember you're a sinner in need of God's grace everyday-this ties into preaching the Gospel to yourself first & seeing the "plank in your eye before the sawdust in somebody else's."

6) Apologize sincerely/humble yourself & admit that you can be wrong

7) Realize you may be a parent 24/7 but your child is their own person-respect their individuality/know they are God's

8) Talk to each other about all things

Some anti-cultural but Christ centered "mantras":

You never know until you...PRAY (not try; pray).

Practice makes...BETTER (not perfect; better).

9) Laugh more & have joy! Don't forget what it was like being a child! (Child-like vs. childish)

10) Respect each other & trust God because things will not go according to your plans

Sisters

Sisters.
Ain't nothin got a hold on us except love.
Bonded by friendship, laughter & blood.
I got you & you got me.
In it through thick & thin,
Where else to begin?
We've seen the dark,
We'll see the light.
I enjoy this embrace,
Hold me tight.
Sixteen years apart,
Fifteen hours away.
Don't you fret,
Don't you worry-
I think of you every single day.
Let's play your favorite games,
Let's make our loudest screams,
Because no one can replace you.
Say your silly quotes,
Say your fabulous lines,
Tell me this the best day of your life.
May you know my heart,
May you forever know my smile.
Oh sister of mine.