Dreams, Hopes, Visions & Calling

I want start a church or work in a church, which ever one is easier-ha! That's like choosing between a rock and a hard place! But the only Rock I need to be resting on is Jesus of Nazareth and working on not setting my heart in a hard place of complacency. So I have a desire to work in ministry. I have a desire to serve, educate, and counsel; on top of that I have a desire to learn, grow and be challenged. I know as a Believer I can do this anywhere and not just in four walls. Thus, let it be so! I also know that the Church is the body of Followers and not necessarily a congregation. You would think from the hurts and hangups I have gotten from church congregations, as well as the warnings I have gotten from those in ministry about how hard it is, that I wouldn't want to pursue it as much as I am. But this is a vision I was given since I was in Junior High believe it or not. Or just perhaps I haven't been "burnt" badly enough to cause me to run as fast as I can in the opposite direction. When, not if, that day comes that I am "burned", may I be again rest upon the only Rock. So this is my desire-to be directly, openly, and unashamedly among the evangelists, pastors, administrators, and counselors of God's kingdom.

The image you see above is a makeshift of an image portrayed through a window and curtains. It is something I saw as a teen in my bedroom while doing devotions. What I saw was what looked like a big cross projecting in the center while to the left and behind the main cross was another. So the image is two crosses. The main one, being the reminder of Jesus's sacrifice & triumph while the other is our's as reminded and or calling portrayed in Luke 9: 23-24. From that symbol and seeking God after what my purpose in life was, I gathered that this would be something I would use in ministry. 

So what exactly was God calling me to do? Nothing more than what He calls all His followers to do-tell the world of His great love for them (Matthew 28:18). I have had so many reminders of this very thing...surprisingly a lot when I have a crush on them...strange how that works. Any who, in addition to this main calling God placed in me specific gifts and talents uniquely placed to glorify Him in my own personal way. Just like He has for each one of you! For me those gifts and talents were not to talk to animals like I thought when I was in Elementary, rather it is teaching His Word. He led me to scripture such as Matthew 10 and Isaiah 42 which is a key in discovering what God desires for you to use what cha got-dive into His Word!

My visions didn't begin when I finally gave my life over to Christ though, they started way back. And the same could possibly be said for you. Since I was a child I remember I adored writing stories, helping my friends learn the material in a proficient way, and leading, even if that meant leading silently or behind someone else (which can still be leading). So what do I want to do today? Funny, around the very same things! I want to be professor who teaches about world religions and philosophy but how Yahwey is the true God of gods. I want to write devotionals and self-help books that share what I have learned through my walk and education through Jesus. I want to travel to India and help rescue the woman who deserve much more.-Can't for sure pinpoint where that passion came from, but I am sure it comes from just being an awesome person (jokes). 

In concordance to those visions as a youngster, I also had this dream that my 6 year crush would ride up on a white horse and deliver me from my second story window (Tyler, I'm still waiting).

But in all seriousness, one Holiday season I started drawing what I wanted my future house to look like:

Funny, it kind of had the landscape of my Grandmother's house in a way.

This house (my dream house) was designed with 3 floors. The first floor, you walk into the living room and if continuing to go straight would walk up stairs. To the right when you first walk in is a rounded doorway (very important...not sure why) into a big kitchen. If you turned to the left in the living room you enter through two glass sliding doors to an elongated cemented area for the dogs (my husband would have the dogs because I hate them). This area will also have a small kids play area with a big laundry room The main hallway has another hallway going right after the kitchen space, this leads to the big wooden porch on the right side of the house. The porch descends down to a worship center that is attached to the home. Behind the church, in the center of the house is my office for counseling. Back inside, the main hallway has a half bathroom and a door proceeding to the basement.

Basement:
has roughly 4-5 bedrooms for the individuals and/or families whom we will help get back on their feet. When you first walk down you enter a huge living room. All the bedrooms are small room surrounding that perimeter. Walking through the living room South ward to your left you'll find a full bathroom and following, a good sized school room. If you turn east in the living room and then North you'll enter the gigantic kitchen used to serve whom ever comes our way.

Upstairs:
(this is where it looks a lot like my Grandmother's) You right away have to turn left or right-to your right is a full bathroom, to your left are the kids room (when I first drew this I made it so they had to share a room...don't think that is going to happen). When going left the hallway turns quickly back South and you'll enter our room with a fireplace (I don't even know if it's possible to have a fireplace on the second floor...) If you follow the hallway East past our bedroom you will enter my husband's office for his pastoral/professor-al duties hahahah.

Why did I have this vision as a child? And way before I even knew Jesus personally? Strange but amazing!

What about you? What are you dreams? Hopes? Visions? What is your calling?

I am praying you discover it and are constantly reassured though your seeking of God.

I can't count how many times I have been reassured and encouraged by others in the regards of these passions. Just today God added to my vision of starting a church or ministry or non-profit organization (He doesn't always give specifics!). One of my main interests is to begin educating those here in America who are either new Christians and/or have misunderstood what it means to be one. God took me to Ezekiel 22. The chapter is about how Israel, God's chosen people, are missing the mark...again. Verse 26 really jumped out at me as it reads: 
  
    "Her priests do violence to my law and profane my holy things; they do not distinguish between the holy and the common; they teach that there is no difference between the unclean and the clean; and they shut their eyes to the keeping of my Sabbaths, so that I am profaned among them."

I was taken to this reading before just a month or so ago. It got me thinking and asking:

• What is holy? What is not?
• What is clean and what is not?
• How are we dishonoring the Sabbath? Is it really that important?

Some toughies, but that's how I roll. God reminded of Matthew 13:13-17 and then gave me a mission statement I believe for whatever ministry He wants me a part of:

 We are to be:

•  distinguished= which is a verb, something you do/ to mark off as different/ to be perceived clearly/ and to make prominent
• teaching differences= God trumps all/ and we are Chosen to be His
• opening eyes=to recognize sin/ realize their brokenness/ and note restoration in Jesus

Why did I share all of this? Not quite sure...but I did WARN you I like to write. I suppose I asking for prayer as well. As we speak (or as you read & I write) I am looking for job opportunities that fit these dreams, hopes, visions and calling of mine. So if you have any leads-HIT ME UP! Ha...so yah. Love yall.

"History Maker" by Hillsong Delirious 

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a time to remember. But to remember what? To remember everything you're thankful for, obviously. But what about God? You think, "of course I remember God! He has given me my family, my friends, and this food! Of course I  praise Him!" But do you really, truly remember Him? You see there will be a day when all that you see in front of you will be gone and everything you desired/wanted will be utterly meaningless. You think, "Well you're being quite a downer now aren't you?" Truth is, I'm not. I'm being for real. Because truth is, everything comes down to God; everything comes down to the Creator of all things-both good and bad. There is going to be an end and there is going to be goodbyes. Question is, how are you going to respond? In Ecclesiastes 12, Solomon says this very thing. The Word also mentions that it's better to mourn at a funeral then it is to celebrate at a party. What does that look like? What does that mean? I think it means we are to be humble and like I mentioned before, we are to remember: who we are, where we are going, who put us here and why. So what does it look like to remember? Remember God, your Creator? Does it mean remembering how He provides? How He is always there? What the preacher says on Sunday morning? Does it mean remembering what He does to broken hearts? How He comforts those who are alone? How He sets the prisoner free? Has He set you free? You see I know my God has set me free, but many times although it's impossible to truly forget, I forget. I go back to the same old ways, my same old habits, & my same old addictions. "Remember me" He says. Remember. Here's the conclusion of all things says Solomon: "fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the duty of every human being. For God will bring every deed into judgement, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil." You will do many things in this life, but a day will come when you will stop and ponder those things. Will you be ashamed? Or will you be proud? What about those who are watching? What about the One who is always watching? Don't buggle your mind with many words and books, says Solomon. Just remember. Because what has been taught, what is being taught, and what will be taught is all the same thing. Fear God and keep His commandments. This Thanksgiving what does that look like in your household?

Secret Thoughts

Watch out when you're with somebody, because everyone else is watching. How you look at her and how she looks back at you. Your embrace will never be hidden even when you would want it to be. We will always guess our best what is happening. Do you think she is something special? Do you treat her like everybody else? What makes her different; what brings that warmth in living? Is this something righteous? Do you know where this is heading? Because we must know, we must find out! Can we celebrate with the living or is it the dead that we are missing? How long can we keep this up, how long till we confess our love? To confess her love? To confess his love? Does it always end in a mutual kiss with someone else looking in?...tell me about truth is. Don't you hate it when they don't love you in the beginning but in the ending they do? Why is it that it never happens to both at the same time? Truth is I love it when you flatter me, when you're near me, when I make you smile. I want to be more than just a name, more than just the same. Come back. You weren't planning on coming back, that is why you said I love you. Love is like going back to kindergarden for me. Fun, exciting and new sites to see. Be careful to not take someone else's seat. Where a child always screams "YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND". No such thing as old love; once loved always loved...even in the mist of pain and forgetfulness. All things giving me more reason to press forward, move on, and shove the present in the past.

I Am Contradictory

As a Christian I am torn in two, but am finally complete.
I am broken down, yet made new.
I am full of sorrows and yet unrelenting joy.

As a Christian I am not perfect, all-knowledgeable or more capable to handle things on my own.
As a Christian I do not know all of the answers, nor will pretend like I do.
As I Christian, I still have trials, ciaos and unexplainable things I must go through.

I am a work in progress, but a saint.
I am forgiven, but still sin.
I may not always do what I say, but God willing may I change my ways.

As a Christian, I may still cheat, steal & lie.
I am human, not alien.
I am a foreigner to this land, but I am familiar.
I can walk by faith, but sometimes still cry out "I need to see the Light!"

As a Christian I have found peace, conquered defeat & overcome past weakness.
As a Christian I stumble, fall and break.
As a Christian, I will ask for continual help and will not abuse this thing called "amazing grace."

I follow a straight and narrow, but the wide can still bring its appeal.
I am a follower, leader, student and teacher.
I can do all things through Christ-I just may not know what that all entails yet.
I try my best, I know my heart is what counts.

As a Christian, I face centuries of backlash and legacies of bad reputations.
But I stand in the same foundation as those who regardless cried for the "Great I AM."
As a Christian, I will restore, rejuvenate & inspire.
However, I get weak, tired and lonely.
Life doesn't change, my prospective has.

As a Christian I don't always go to church or know the latest Christian-eze.
As a Christian I may forget where it says that thing in that one verse in that specific chapter.
But I am a worker.
I am teachable and may I always be humble, or at least brought to my knees.

As a Christian I long for justice, I am eager for correction & in love with mercy.
As a Christian I will be harder on myself than before, as well as those in the same boat.
I am not Jesus himself, but His Spirit is in me.
I am not the point of your destination, rather a compass pointing the way.

I look to only one star, but I may still have other idols.
I pray for God to demolish them.
And as a Christian I will let go of what He says needs to be.
As a Christian, things and times as such will hurt.
As a Christian, I live in security of something greater than in this world.

I do not want to make replicas of me.
I want people to see Jesus.
I don't want to take the credit, I want Jesus to be glorified.
As a Christian I will love as He has loved me; and because He loved me, I will love those who hurt me.

I am not a mat to walked over or a tool to be used.
I am to be sharp, but gentle.
As a Christian, I will not always live by your standards or desires.
I will probably disappoint and aggravate. 
I may even abuse or neglect you.

As a Christian I will not only ask for forgiveness but reveal it with my actions.
I will turn from my errors, but will probably need countless reminders on how.
I will change the pathways of my thoughts, capturing them & making them obedient to Christ.
As a Christian, I will need to put on armor and fight. 

As a Christian, I bear a bigger weight on my shoulders.
As a Christian, I share my yoke with His.
As a Christian, I know I can make it through this.
And, God will walk me through it.

I'm selling my laptop

Too many times have I mistaken loneliness as failure.
That's what I gathered from the church screen this morning.
You see they messed up and said the lesson was over "failures".
-It was over "loneliness".
I had thought: "OH YES, JUST WHAT I NEED TO HEAR! HOW I SCREWED UP AGAIN & HOW GOD STILL LOVES, LOVES, LOVES ME!"
But, nope.
The teaching pastor spoke about how our biggest fear is loneliness (based on a survey they had conducted weeks prier).
His lesson was centered upon Edenology-the study of the Garden of Eden.
More precisely the first 3 chapters of Genesis-the beginning, the Creation.
"If you don't know the first three chapters of the Bible, you will eventually have a messed up Theology." he claimed .
Why?
Because it is in the beginning we see, hear, and know who God is.
-Who He REALLY is.
One of those characteristics that God has is community.
-Father, Son & Holy Spirit.
So what does He say to man?
"I am not enough."
Yup. Genesis 2: 18
God is not enough.
-Some of you are now like, "I knew it!" & others will be like "That's a lie."
But it is a Truth.
We have a communal God who desires/ has installed the same principle in us.
For more of the sermon check out this link: http://www.redrockschurch.com/media/watch-messages/series/55/

This shook me.

1. because it explained a deeper part of my failures/the picture behind the picture almost
2. explained why I continued to fail because I had no community that I opened to as much as I did with God
3. it assured me that I was not alone/ that what I fail with, is in some regards, something God has installed in me to desire
4. finally it placed a physical pressure in me to change

• Is God really enough for you? Why or why not?
• Do you feel guilty or shame that He is not? Why?
• Do you believe God will give you what you desire the most? Why or why not?
• Is there a deeper problem underneath your failures?
• What do you fail with the most?
• Why are these labeled "failures"?
• Are you seeking God's guidance & healing, as well as from others? Why or why not?

I take for granted these words, "Everyone struggles with that." Because all I hear is "Everyone is doing it, so it okay." As a believer I honestly want to be different and strive for that. But being different does not change all of those desires I once had as a non-follower. And maybe they are not to be changed. Maybe some of those desires are actually a God-installed need.

Is your desire to be known? Maybe under God's right guidance & humility you are to be in the spotlight.
Is your desire to design or create? Maybe through God's blessings of talent you are to create marvelous works of art.
Is your desire to be bring peace? Perhaps, through God's understanding you are to be that one who promotes it.
Is your desire to be held? Perhaps through God's nature will you not only taste & see True love, but also share it with another human being.

Another powerful point the speaker declared was this notion of Christians believing we are to save our deepest, most darkest points of ourselves to God-and God alone. But never does His Word say this. Rather it says "confess to one another your sins." James 5: 16

• What are you not being honest about?
• What are you hiding about yourself (can be pro & con aspects) from those you love?
• Do you believe God wants you to share those secrets? Why or why not?

My friends have jokingly called me a liar. And well, I have given them plenty of reasons to say such an accusation. Except, what "half truths" I have  also said eventually turned to be lies. So sadly, I have lied much, much more than I have let on. This lesson challenged me to stop keeping a portion of me between God & myself. Because I have not only heard but seen how keeping a part of me (especially the parts of me that are being tormented) away from those who I know love me like Christ;our relationships begin to deteriorate.

Not have I only built a gap instead of nurturing a healthy bond & unity, I have forsaken some of my God-given, innate desires. For me, it is better building relationships with strangers online then in real life. For me, I perpetuate my unhealthy and irrational fear of men because I participate in impure activities.  And that desire to be intimately loved has never left, although I have Jesus. In focusing on my failures and not dealing with my fears I have forgotten some truths. These truths being: I can not do this life alone and sometimes I have to do something that hurts before I want it to get better.

    So with that being said. I am selling my computer.

p.s: the pictures really have no sentimental meaning to what I was saying.

This is My Priase Song When No Others Work

Come my King
Come rest in me
Come my Life
Come & sanctify

You are the Holy of holies
You are the Everlasting Peace
You are my Founder of Faith, Always

Come, this Joy
Come & set the day
Come & move
Come to draw me close

You are my Only Truth
You are Provider through & through
YOU MAKE A WAY
YOU MAKE A WAY, Always
Your plans are better than mine
I'm close to your heart, never far
You call me child & I cry-
never will anything else satisfy

(repeat 2x)
My King
My Life
My Peace &
My hope

Come & make me see
Come and make me clean
I am here for you
I will serve only you
Always,
      Always

dark vanity

sharp blade, can not bare the pain

heart blurry from a two ton weight

flesh is steady but the Soul is melting

every note and cord tugg'n on once was

making today yesterday and the nights before

love you once, loved you once more
came to take the dignity
tossed fro and far from here
in a big triumphant van

is it everything
is it just half 

disgrace and disgust
whispers in the basement
grabbing that sweeper
the apathy cut much deeper

don't want to stay, never going to go
by your side or to the coast
never felt better when the drugs gone
but you're forcing a payment

is it everything
is it just half 

I'm better, I'm bitter
could have been closer than a sister
looking up, looking in between
this rooms going be so empty when I'm clean

There's a scarlet letter waiting on the guitar
toes ripped and scarred
those strings are just too hard
this Thing is just way too hard

is it everything
is it half

 

 



Worry, Anxiety, and Fear

"...But when she opened that door, she did not see what she expected to see. For this is kind of hard to put into focus for you, the reader. For what used to be her narrow hallway leading to the other rooms of the apartment, was what seemed to be a dark, dark cave. It smelled of rank and torches were lite on the sides in the exact places where the doors used to be standing. Maria, to help contain herself, laughed a sarcastic laugh-"Oh! Might as well play along!" Maria claimed to be still in a daze, not letting the possibility that this could be reality sink in. Of course, she had opened her eyes and everything she could feel, see, and hear was clear. She proceeded to walk through what seemed like dogs drool that went to the top of her ankles, luckily she was wearing sweatpants. She drudged her way to the kitchen.
   Scanning the vast of her new surroundings, what used to be the kitchen was now  just a brittle wooden table with a stone chair. The table held a medium sized rusted pot with an eating utensil placed inside it. Mud now replaced the once tiled floor and gray stone now covered where the ceiling fan once dangled. "My brain is pretty creative to come up with this perception of my ordinary life." the almost adult whispered to herself. Continuing to play along, she proceeded to act like James Bond and took her time sneaking upon the voices she had just started to hear resonating from the living room. 
   "Whawt'ca T'ink'n" growled a dirty, slurred voice.
   "U'll o-ld haaaag uuu." responded another equally as rough and rustic voice.
   "SHUTTTTUP! ARRRRLLLL YA!" continued a third.
  Maria continued to listen to the three voices; all worse in understanding and piercing to the bones.
   "Wazzz I not or wazzz I not, thur wen r Leader triumphed ovz the one thyz cal king?! May r Ledaer ee rriegn on hi; hiz triumph or heee."
   "aRHHHH!"
   "Don't mention that onnnnne, Ssenneknurd!"
   "I ee wasn't. Holds e'z tong whilez u'z hav onnnne. I'z mack'n a pointtt. I'z aaa have a plan."
   Their voices were full of secrecy, lure and brought chills. She imagined the most ugliest of creatures, like those things you see in a horror film. "Oh how fun!" She thought and ran with excitement into their presence. Her first mistake."
             -Penetrated (taken from chapter one)

 Have you ever experienced fear-filled moments? Has anything ever shook you to the core, made your heart fall into your stomach, or made you cringe? Perhaps, it was the new hit thriller that made you crawl into a tiny ball as the murder crept upon an unsuspecting victim. Or maybe it was when your teacher was passing back your finals and this grade could make you or brake you. Was it a time you had to confront a problem with a loved one, or hear that that loved one "just wasn't going to last the night." Did your eyes burn, your body ach? Was it due to anticipation and anxiety as you waited for someone to find you while playing hide-and-go-seek; or was it during the nights you prayed someone to rescue from the hell that waited outside your bedroom door? What ever that moment was (or moments), we can know we have ALL had some experience of worry, anxiety, and fear.

I Know I have certainly had a hand full of them. Fear is certainly something we will all have, all want to get rid off, and all must confront. It's not fun and obviously not enjoyable! And strangely, fear has levels doesn't it?! There's a level for a fear a spiders up to the fear to crashing in an airplane. The fear of dying or the fear of not finding a prom date. Psychology then not only teaches the levels, but then states they can be classified into rational and irrational fears. A rational fear would be something that can actually happen to you-like losing your car keys. An irrational fear is something that of which you have proposed in your head but can not/does not actually pertain to you-like the fear of snakes when you have never even seen a snake.

• What are some of your fears?
• What level would you place them at if 1 being no fear and 10 being outrageously afraid of?
• Are each of those fears rational? What about irrational?

Have you ever seen the movie the Prince of Egypt? It is an animated movie from the 90's that tells about the story of Moses. Check out this trailer:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWs81poMgiM
There is this fantastic scene where Aaron (Moses's brother) is just ramming on the people and Moses. Just calling out the blatantly obvious fact that they are slaves, are worthless, and are under a scrupulous ruler who controls their freedom. Moses takes this into consideration, he knows their pain. As he scans the crowd of dirty, worn-out, fearful faces he is reminded of one Truth however:

 

Aaron: But, Moses, didn't you see what happened? The priests did the same thing. Pharaoh still has the power over our lives.

 

Moses: Yes, Aaron, it's true. Pharaoh has the power. He can take away your food, your home, your freedom. He can take away your sons and daughters. With one word, Pharaoh can take away your very lives. But there is one thing he cannot take away from you: Your faith. Believe, for we will see God's wonders.

I love that right there. Sadly, though this quote is not present in the Bible, that is why I encourage you to read the book of Exodus. Note the fears from all the sides, see if they were rational or not.

"One caught a glimpse of her.
   "OH MY! ARGHHHH! GRA!!" Scrambled one to his feet-or as Maria would describe, flew up.
She wasn't surprised by his reaction, but was more taken back by his appearance.
  "I say inn onez nema, wo iz uu?!"
This breathtaking, extravagant creature spoke. They were not ugly as she would have guessed-not even a smidge of terror dressed them! Instead they were clothed in what appeared as marvelous, dazzling white robes. Huge and magnificent they were. But fear provoking they were not. 
  "SPEAK! ORZ YAH NOT BEEE SPARED!" said another.
Drawing swords and shinning armor, they all three rose in splendor. It penetrated her mind and in a split second she shivered from the glory.
  "Okay. Okay. We can stop with this act, this is my dream and I'm the boss..Let's see...do a change with the whole barf look and put some roses over there.." Marie started pointing to direct scenery in what she believed to be fake.
  "KA! Roses!"
  "Thez onne iz nott of here" Whispered one Maria assumed was Ssenneknurd.
He was somehow the boss of the other two she gathered by the way he orchestrated their display. All that could be seen underneath their sparkling and lavishly white robe's hood was a pitiful, dark mouth. Round, rotten, and black.
  "Are we nnot a beautiful zight fourrr uz?" Said the one on the left.
  "Whatz ar uz anywayz?" Said the one the right.
  "SPEAK." Commanded Ssenneknurd.
  "Arez uz a demon?"
  "No, shez nott, Etah." Answered Ssenneknurd.
  "Demon! Why no I am not a tormenting, defying demon! Wow, this is one abnormal dream...must of bumped my head somewhere..." Maria consciously rubbed her head.
  "DREAM!?" Hysterically questioned the one on the left.
  "SHH, SEIL!" Scowled Etah.
  Ssenneknurd ascended a lil closer, "Dream? Aww....no wez feast onnnz dreams."
She could have sworn she say a glimpse of a human face under his robe, but it was only faintly. 
  "Yeees, I'llz putz ur prec-ious mind aaahts ease."
  As they continued closer, a chilling feeling crawled upon Maria's heart and for some odd reason the thoughts of last night's suicidal thoughts swept back into her memory. But she was still in bed, wasn't she?
  "Strange onnne, youz do nott dream this hour. Annnd yet, uz nottt truly awake-ened."
  "Nevvver thee les, iz nott our job to giva either!" Spit Seil.
After each stroke of their words, it did seem very much to Maria's comprehension that the ground became a little more slimier and the stench a little more fouler. 
  "I don't understand. None of this can be true! You're flying for heaven's sake!"
 "Ahhhz Mak er stop! Mak er stop!" Covered Etah's ears.
 "Shee wantz the Truth." Smirked the middle.
The others immediately started bickering on how this was a bad idea and why, but Ssenneknurd simply held out his hand up and silenced them. His long rob must have covered his hand because Maria only say a wisp.
  "Nottt all whoz haz eyes can cee, not all who has earz can hear."..."

Recently, my coworker presented me with a verse that I would like to share with you over these topics. I encourage you to read the whole chapter.

Psalm 56:4

New International Version (NIV)

⁴     In God, whose word I praise—
in God I trust and am not afraid.
    What can mere mortals do to me?

 

 

• What does that mean/look like to you?

It was encouraging to me to remember this Truth. What can mere mortals do to me? No one can do what God can do. Remember that. People can do some pretty horrific things, and situations can produce outrageous amounts of anxiety, but no one compares to God. Man can destroy body, claims the Word. But only God can destroy the soul. Why do you treble so? Why do you worry? If you are a child of the Creator (which you are), you have NOTHING TO FEAR.

 

Really.

Nothing.

Ever.

Really. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAtVSCFrd7U

The Burning Christian

What to do when the church has lied, abandoned, or mistreated you?
How to confront your brother or sister in Christ who is living in sin?
How to move on from sexual abuse from ministry leaders?
Where to decipher where the Truth begins and the lies end from the pulpit?
How to respectively not talk ill-y of leaders and pastors who have done wrong, but yet hold them respectively responsible?
How to tell a community not to go to a specific church?
How to properly heal from being letdown, even years after the incident or incidents have happened?
How to have faith in God who's followers are despicable?
What to say to your offenders when they greet you like nothing has ever happened?

The list could go one. It is not like I have complete answers to them either.
I hear it everywhere I go. From my family, friends, strangers, and in my head.
And how could you possibly have an answer?
The same could be said for a thousand other things as well, where's the answer?
Rape, murder, abuse, slavery.
Are these crimes worse when committed by a said to be "holy" person?
Why?
Because we have established in our heads that this person is set apart based on what they have said or done?
Oh no, that is not it?
Oh because this person has "an anointing from "god" and a lot of people follow them"?
My pain does not go away no matter who you are.

So what gets me through? What is to get us through?
Too many times have I listened to these anguishes from loved ones & this soul within: "just give up."
And I have watched many give up, give up on churches, give up on pastors and spiritual leaders, and doctrines.
Surprisingly however, not one of those people who have given up on the established church have given up on Jesus.
Who or what is this Jesus?

"I know there is something out there, there has to be." "He has always been there for me." "God is god who outlasts them all" I hear and sing. How's come?

I am not going to post any scripture, I am not going to tell you what to believe or who to believe. I think you already know the truth and you have the choice to seek answers or not.
I think the most harmful thing a person can do who has seen such devastation is just sit there.

Have you seen the movie Bruce Almighty? It is a 3.0 on my 5 point movie scale. But it has some intriguing quotes that I would like to share and leave for you to contemplate. These are from "God" in response to Bruce's final remarks after giving up everything:
"That's your problem, Bruce. That's everybody's problem. You keep looking up."

What if the answers are right in front of you or in you?

Now, some Christians might be mad that I wrote that and honestly, it is slightly against what I believe. But I encountered some pretty low moments for several weeks a month or so ago and the thing that pulled me through was a reminder of something I had, something in me. As a Christian, that is God's Holy Spirit. I had completely forgotten-how silly of me!
That Spirit is something much stronger than my strength, much more powerful than my might, much more wiser than my knowledge.
As a Christ-follower I believe God's Spirit is all around, always working, always speaking to believers and non.

You don't need to go to church to learn that, just a mirror.

 

Your Heart on my Lips

vrs 1
I will dance
I will sing
to my Heavenly King

to the One who reigns
and rescues me-
out of everything

chorus
You are my King
You stand through Eternity
Lifted up & lifted high
how I'll love you
with my life

vrs 2
We are One
& You are True
no more skies that are just blue

You are mine
& I am Yours
now that the veil is torn apart
come speak to me
& resurrect the Light of Truth

refrain

bridge
Love, Love, Love
came down & opened my eyes
Peace on earth & in my life
Love, Love, Love
break the status quo-
You are the Only one-
the Only One I must know

fables?

is it true that you'll love me no matter what I'd do?/is there really a God up in the sky that cares for you & I?/What is it that I am that makes Him a man/a man to die for my needs/and my messed up wants?/are you everything I lack?/everything I wish to have?/somethings missing for sure-no denying that/is it true you whisper in this heart of mine?/telling great & unimaginable things such as everythings fine?-there is peace/is it true that there are arms of grace extended wide?/Despite the fact that I hide?/I can no longer look my self in the eye/is it true that your are the perfect guy?/how to be sure these are not fables?/how to be sure you are not a dream/if I were to really wake-perhaps I'd see the insides/are you something I can feel?/Thomas once had a chance/can you appear to me/please draw near/are we all your children?/are we all truly set free?/what about these chains I bind around what you call righteous-do you still love me?/do you turn your gaze to something more tasteful?/are you close to those who hunger?/for those who are weak and dying/to those who are written in the golden book of yours & still throw dirt in their faces/why do you care?/why do you continue to show such kindness?/before the plea for a savior slid from our tongues you took the guilt/can you take my shame now?/a body lies broken in my arms/and I can't bare to carry the lifeless only Life/turn my unbelief to faith

skyline prospective from the underground

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIzR-1YXcJs

You have no passion, you are defiant
You lament out & I resurrect nothing
You promise the same versed things
no novelty do I see
You whimper, "my hands are exhausted"
My hands proclaim, "You are wretched"
I stand by, I chortle
You're making your home in the wake
 
City full of angels
a saint's last memory nothing but leery.
nothings finite,
nothings more than "reality"-
in the eyes of a man who knows he can't.
Tell me the sweetest song and lets journey along
something you can not define,
the God, the God
of this greatest mind 
 
still writing your story, the grand o'scheme,-
with a pencil full of leaded steam
Like a dim-lighted candle,
a storm with no thunder,
you are not stable, you are not just,
you are just too much to handle
 
City full of angels
a saint's last memory nothing but leery.
nothings finite,
nothings more than "reality"-
in the eyes of a man who knows he can't.
Tell me the sweetest song and lets journey along
something you can not define,
the God, the God
of this greatest mind
 
Soo exaggerating, soo demanding
You lace up your festering wound with prodigality
Locked up in your eyes of hypocrisy
You are not mine
You pillage, but you call out to your brother,
"Everything is fine!"
Inscribe to me, impart your legacy
leave me out of this thing called democracy
Spiral inwards and downwards
to the pit with no prospect
I've got the Digger, I'm never coming back

City full of angels
a saint's last memory nothing but leery.
nothings finite,
nothings more than "reality"-
in the eyes of a man who knows he can't.
Tell me the sweetest song and lets journey along
something you can not define,
the God, the God
of this greatest mind
and so this is me, from the grave
inspecting that thing beyond the skyline
and  what it or he  concedes about
for that of which sprouts from
this cavity, captivity, cascade
is nothing more than a daisy
that I did not formulate

The Lord's (part two)

"My dear Frodo, Hobbits really are amazing

creatures. You can learn all that there

  is to know about their ways in a month,

and yet, after a hundred years, they can

   still surprise you."

-Gandalf/ The Lord of The Rings Fellowship of the Ring

• Have you ever wanted to be someone or something other than yourself?

=Yes. Believe it or not there  was a point in time I actually wanted to be a cat…

• A cat?!

=Yes, a cat. I mean why not, right? hahah. They have nine lives and all! No, but for reals-I thought about it one day as I sat watching my grandma's cats stroll around her big yard. My attention was captivated by this thought:

                   

Why didn't God just make me a cat?Why did God have to make me a human being?Why must I be who I am?

• That is a very profound question-with the exception about the whole cat thing because that is just a tad strange. So how did you end up answering that question?                                                                                      

=Although honestly I still battle today with identity and worth, that particular day I was reminded of something that I was once very ascetic about to other girls who struggled with self-reflection. For some reason I had thought that my self-loathing was different than that of my friend's because their focus seemed to be wrapped up in their image and mine was predominantly about who I was at the core. But God still had the same message for me as that of which I preached to others and it started like this:

In the beginning, God created man in His image. (Genesis 1:27-31). Who was this God that human beings were of His image? He was/is one of absolute splendor & majesty (Job 13:11a, Isaiah 2:10). And why did He create man? (Colossians 1:9-14).

So man and woman show up on the scene, created from perfection to reflect that perfection and enjoy the One who was/is perfect. So what happens? God loved them so much He let them have free will. Their free will leads them to disobey & disconnect (Romans 5:12-21). Then what? God still desires what He created to enjoy what they were meant to be, so He has the now imperfect man replicate numerous items to reflect that splendor & majesty that they/we were to be. Those items being the Arc of the Covenant and the Holy Tabernacle.

Check out some of these INCOMPREHENSIBLE details put into these structures! Really, it is UTTERLY AMAZING! If you have never read about these, please PLEASE spend time now-even if it is just a glance, try to soak in all these INTRICATE & MINUTE details and their SIGNIFICANT WORTH! (Exodus 25:10-40, chap. 26).

God's awesome presence had to dwell in these makeshifts till things were once again right with His people-for men's hearts are evil & there is no such thing as light mixing with the darkness (Ecclesiastes 9:2-3). But His love never faltered. He took our punishment of death-for sin is that serious & He not only made a way back into His embrace but chose to live IN us (John 14:15-31, 15:1-7).

So, in Truth I did not and could not answer that question by myself.

I may not always understand or like the fact that I am here, but one thing I can not deny is that I have a worth-a worth more than all the gold & silver, like that of the Arc or Tabernacle. And I have that priceless & matchless grace bestowed upon me ONLY because Jesus has CHOSEN to dwell IN me instead of just let me be His creation or creature that seeks Him in a box.

How do you answer that age old question of why we are here and who are we?

How are you coming up with your answers?

How do you know that when you find an answer it is worth staking your whole legacy into?

Do you know or understand/can you wrap your brain around an Almighty God not only designing you, but loving you, choosing you, freeing you & adorning you?
Why or why not?

Share you thoughts below.