I'm selling my laptop

Too many times have I mistaken loneliness as failure.
That's what I gathered from the church screen this morning.
You see they messed up and said the lesson was over "failures".
-It was over "loneliness".
I had thought: "OH YES, JUST WHAT I NEED TO HEAR! HOW I SCREWED UP AGAIN & HOW GOD STILL LOVES, LOVES, LOVES ME!"
But, nope.
The teaching pastor spoke about how our biggest fear is loneliness (based on a survey they had conducted weeks prier).
His lesson was centered upon Edenology-the study of the Garden of Eden.
More precisely the first 3 chapters of Genesis-the beginning, the Creation.
"If you don't know the first three chapters of the Bible, you will eventually have a messed up Theology." he claimed .
Why?
Because it is in the beginning we see, hear, and know who God is.
-Who He REALLY is.
One of those characteristics that God has is community.
-Father, Son & Holy Spirit.
So what does He say to man?
"I am not enough."
Yup. Genesis 2: 18
God is not enough.
-Some of you are now like, "I knew it!" & others will be like "That's a lie."
But it is a Truth.
We have a communal God who desires/ has installed the same principle in us.
For more of the sermon check out this link: http://www.redrockschurch.com/media/watch-messages/series/55/

This shook me.

1. because it explained a deeper part of my failures/the picture behind the picture almost
2. explained why I continued to fail because I had no community that I opened to as much as I did with God
3. it assured me that I was not alone/ that what I fail with, is in some regards, something God has installed in me to desire
4. finally it placed a physical pressure in me to change

• Is God really enough for you? Why or why not?
• Do you feel guilty or shame that He is not? Why?
• Do you believe God will give you what you desire the most? Why or why not?
• Is there a deeper problem underneath your failures?
• What do you fail with the most?
• Why are these labeled "failures"?
• Are you seeking God's guidance & healing, as well as from others? Why or why not?

I take for granted these words, "Everyone struggles with that." Because all I hear is "Everyone is doing it, so it okay." As a believer I honestly want to be different and strive for that. But being different does not change all of those desires I once had as a non-follower. And maybe they are not to be changed. Maybe some of those desires are actually a God-installed need.

Is your desire to be known? Maybe under God's right guidance & humility you are to be in the spotlight.
Is your desire to design or create? Maybe through God's blessings of talent you are to create marvelous works of art.
Is your desire to be bring peace? Perhaps, through God's understanding you are to be that one who promotes it.
Is your desire to be held? Perhaps through God's nature will you not only taste & see True love, but also share it with another human being.

Another powerful point the speaker declared was this notion of Christians believing we are to save our deepest, most darkest points of ourselves to God-and God alone. But never does His Word say this. Rather it says "confess to one another your sins." James 5: 16

• What are you not being honest about?
• What are you hiding about yourself (can be pro & con aspects) from those you love?
• Do you believe God wants you to share those secrets? Why or why not?

My friends have jokingly called me a liar. And well, I have given them plenty of reasons to say such an accusation. Except, what "half truths" I have  also said eventually turned to be lies. So sadly, I have lied much, much more than I have let on. This lesson challenged me to stop keeping a portion of me between God & myself. Because I have not only heard but seen how keeping a part of me (especially the parts of me that are being tormented) away from those who I know love me like Christ;our relationships begin to deteriorate.

Not have I only built a gap instead of nurturing a healthy bond & unity, I have forsaken some of my God-given, innate desires. For me, it is better building relationships with strangers online then in real life. For me, I perpetuate my unhealthy and irrational fear of men because I participate in impure activities.  And that desire to be intimately loved has never left, although I have Jesus. In focusing on my failures and not dealing with my fears I have forgotten some truths. These truths being: I can not do this life alone and sometimes I have to do something that hurts before I want it to get better.

    So with that being said. I am selling my computer.

p.s: the pictures really have no sentimental meaning to what I was saying.