Let's throw everything out of the window because we just can

8/24/11

My heart was broken today. Why? Because my sister in Christ has given into the "hollow & deceptive philosophy "(Colossians 2:8) that the world has to offer other than the Truth.-Even there one would argue "How can you be so narrow minded to say what you believe is "the Truth"?!" However, this note is not for the skeptics, but for those who have set aside Christ being the only reality (Colossians 2:17) and not fpr those who have "exchanged the glory of God" (Romans 1:21-32) for something offered from their own hands or heads. It is sad that 86% of Americans claim to be Christian and 60% are not even serious. Worse yet, only 25% are committed Christians. So what happened? A country founded on the essentials of following Christ-which is simply knowing, loving and following Him, flushed down the drain perhaps?This is not like the old religions of the past where we HAD to worship, HAD to give up our stuff or suffer the wrath of the "almighty". A lie I heard today was that truth is found in religion. Truth is you can never do anything right, never. Thus, religion is out of the window.

Was it perhaps sufferings came and you gave up? Check out 1 Peter 4:12-19, James 1:12

Did a fallout of the church occur, were you hurt by other believer's thus have rejected the whole thing? (For this one I deeply apologize and say it will never be easy to have fellowship with sinners. But it does not mean that we retire the concept of unity.) 1 John 4:1-3, Acts 5:1-11, 19:13-20 *these are just examples of what we can imagine major disappointment from those who were to be "godly". I know this issue (if it is you) will take a long line of steps and hopefully we could engage in some of those together.

Or is it that you'd rather relay on your own feelings now?John 15:1-8, Jeremiah 17:5-10. The biggest notion here is that you have forgotten the "elementary teachings" (Hebrews 6) that our faith is not based on emotion but fact. I mean look at what happened to those who trusted in emotions-Exodus 32.

"What if you just surrender?" "Surrender everything I'm looking for?" "Yes, your ideas, your understandings, your identity..." "I would just like to know who I am and why I am here." "Well, I could tell you but I don't think you would believe me." "Tell me." "I believe that you are a beautifully and fearfully made creature of God. I believe you are made for something more, made for someone to never leave not forsake you. I believe you are priceless, precious and unique. You are loved beyond your imagination by God. Loved so much to die for, and rise from the dead for." "That's very nice." "It will only ever be nice if you never let it be the truth."

I love and miss you my sister in Christ, our Lord, Father & Lover.

"تنهد"

fading, that is what my heart is doing/or is it just my strength?/isn't strength that keeps the blood pumping?keeping my legs in motion?/LET ME LOSE!/UNTIE YOUR ARMS FROM AROUND ME!/and wrap yards of rope around my fraying body/this is what I wanted after all, wasn't it?/YOU SAID YOU'D ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME!/ALWAYS SAID THAT I WAS YOUR NUMBER ONE!/or did I confuse that for the words of "son"?/ I am lost, Father/ I am in a daze and I plan to never return/BUT OH....HOW DOES YOUR SPIRIT INFURIATE ME/CONTROLLING THESE LUSTS AND PASSIONS WITH A FIRE OF ITS OWN ACCORD/I KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE!/I KNOW YOU'VE SEEN ME DROWN ONCE BEFORE/or was that a thousand times before, I've lost count/I am ready to break/spill upon the floor, but only behind those locked doors/Is that enough?/you call these properly positioned gifts our worst nightmares when opened before their time/you call this sin even though i have never acted/....but making steps to get there/I want what they have, Lover/I LONG FOR THOSE DEEP IN-STALLED WATERS TO COME BURSTING FORTH/COME, COME MY FALLEN/LET US DRINK OF THE SEA OF THE FORGOTTEN/but the forgiven?/the words written in ink upon my blood stained hands/its never washed out/nor was it in your plans/I know it's really your way or the highway/and my way is not in between it all/no, not choosing is a choice/To where will I fall?/When will I begin?/DEATH HAS A STING!/DEATH HAS ITS REVENGE/IT WILL CONSUME US ALL!/.....hmmm, but glorious to know you took the stake for me/for me/for me

"GO AWAY FROM ME, LORD; I AM A SINFUL MAN!"

My friend once told me ages ago that after premiering The Passion of the Christ that as they left the theater she came across a woman with a spiked bracelet pointed inwards. Proceeding to ask this woman why she wore this, I guess my friend had never seen one (not sure on all of the details), the woman said that she couldn't bare the fact that Jesus had to go through all He did for her and felt that she still deserved to be punished. Thus, every time she sinned she would turn the bracelet inside out so the spikes would penetrate her skin. No lie!
But what would make this woman go to such an extreme? Have you ever been sooo distraught with the weight of your sin that you feel the overwhelming rush to do something about it? Ever get done with doing something and feel like you are just the epitome of scum? Well, I know I do. And I also know that I may not be a fully trained psychologist but would put into the question the parenting and type of church the person attended at the heightened years of mental foundations were formed. Why is it that after I have done something I knew I exactly shouldn't, I feel soooo utterly sick to my stomach, feel the need to go into the ultimate extremes of submission and beat myself into a transformation that is utterly unhealthy? Why is it that we as Christians, knowing and loving the one true God who paid it all, want to some how accommodate the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ?
>>As IF you're puny efforts of slavering over trying to do good and say all the right things would get you the forgiveness your original efforts diminished.

So go ahead, go memorize your whole Bible that is the special edition of both Hebrew/Greek, even speak in tongues while your at it. Go live on the streets, giving up the numerous blessings God has so richly provided you with to use to bless others. Go wear your special church garments and chat your sacred prayers, flaying your body on the ground. Stand on the corners and preach about the salvation you say is found in surrender, then go home and behind locked doors forget all about it. Because let me tell you something-nothing, absolutely nothing will make you right with your God. Because your missing everything He has so willing gave up for.

Romans, John 1:1-18,19:30, Hebrews 10, 1 John 1:7-10, 4:18

{Got your attention now, didn't I? Well, as ludicrous as it is for me to post this picture, it is even more when we do not come to repentance. True repentance, not that pishposh crap.}

Devotions: Luke 10: 38-42

These are my devotions from 10/10/12. The thoughts I present here are based off of my previous knowledge on matters, but it does not make them automatically correct. Like I would encourage anyone diving into God's Word is to gather empirical knowledge; as well as, superlative wisdom in which only comes through the guidance of the Holy Spirit. With that said, through my desire to share what I have learned, that someone gains something. Rather that be encouragement or the need for further explanation, let it be.

Thus, let us dive into Luke 10:38-42. Now, why did I choose this scripture? Hmm, simple answer: I have been studying Luke one bit at a time and this was just what came next. Here is another one of those stories I bet those who have gone to church here and there have heard of.

• So who are our main characters here? Do we know anything else about them? (here is an excellent opportunity to use that handy Bible dictionary)
• What is your immediate response after just reading it? What pre-conclusions have already been set up against this text/ what has someone "preached" to you about it?
• Do you believe more can be examined regarding these women and this brief encounter with Jesus?

Well, with upon answering that last piece this is what I came up with: Me being the visual person I drew a picture of what I thought the women could possibly look like (I honestly have no idea and encourage someone to enlighten me). Next, I drew arrows extending out from them with my random thoughts. Like based on what I know about little children, I played with the idea of perhaps Mary was much younger than Martha (the scripture does not say). I also noted next to Martha what other features she could possibly posses based on this account, but then again that can be a dangerous road to toil on. Which brings us to dismounting the answer to question two. I believe too many times Martha gets a BAD rap for being too preoccupied with all the preparations that are needing to be done. That is the key to the piece we are missing! There was obviously things that were needing to be done. She had a guest in her home for crying out loud (now I sound like my grandma). Funny though, wouldn't have one had all the cooking and cleaning done before they opened their doors to a guest? By the way the scripture is worded, I don't quite think they were expecting Jesus and his disciples to be staying over.

• When is the last time Jesus has surprised you and came into your home?your heart?
• Were you/are you willing to open the doors for Christ and let him entertain you instead of vis versa?

*GOD DOESN'T NEED ANYTHING FROM YOU, HE JUST WANTS YOU...AS YOU, AND ONLY YOU ARE!
I was remembering when I was younger and had my friends come over. For some reason I would make them sit on the bed and wait till I cleaned up everything in my room for it to be more presentable or 'friendlier' to them. Man, what time I wasted! How foolish of me to set aside my friend's presence while they were in my home! Something I want you to really grab a hold of here is Jesus's response to Martha's flip-out

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed-or indeed
only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and that will not be taken away form her."-vrs. 41-42 tniv

I found it intriguing that Jesus didn't curs Martha out for not spending time with Him (hahah like He would have anyway), nor did he say "Martha, what you're doing is stupid and meaningless." No, rather I have concluded that Jesus loves us so soo sooo very much that He still lets us continue in those temporary and meaningless items. Martha asks in what I can only imagine a frantic and quivering voice, "Lord, don't you care..."
Now, I want you to continue reading because I believe there is a reason why scripture was organized the way it has been (that is a whole other story that I would love to chat about sometime). Read Luke 11: 1-13. Now I know there is more to be said about this next section, but just for right now let us concentrate on a conclusion from our study.

• Do you think God cares about the temporary things?
• Do you believe He still provides for you although what you ask is selfish?
• How would you're character act if you were present in these situations?

I will leave you now with this.......YOU ARE ALREADY IN THOSE SAME SITUATIONS. :)

I don't understand Jesus, but I sure do love Him.

 

                 As I read through one of the Gospels, Luke, I am amazed on how much it shocks me! Have you ever been shocked by the Word of God before? (Maybe that's the lightening bolt from heaven everyone jokes around about.) I have been reading, studying and frankly confused over this book for the past few months. IT IS UTTERLY AMAZING! And it makes me question just how much I really know my Savior. I mean if you have never checked this stuff out, I recommend it. No, I HIGHLY recommend it! I mean from Jesus loving on sinners, to calling out the stuck-up church people, to parables that talk about the destruction of the those who are unfaithful....the list can go on forever Baby. (sorry, tiss the season for Home Alone quotes.) But, the one thing I desire to write about today is something I believe most people have struggled with, what most fellow classmates of mine have faced and what my family/friends have certainly battled with. And, that my friends is the church. It is not that the church is irrelevant or that the church is too strict, rather I have seen and experienced the fall of it. Now, it is important to note here what I exactly mean when I say: the church. The Church is the body and believers of Jesus Christ. In Him and through the adoption He offers, we are united by this bond of grace; we are now brothers and sisters, we are family. I have written about the church in other notes here on facebook and advise for you to check them out. This time is not straying too far from the last time I wrote about, but I am still sure it is something that will shock some. What I desire to write about comes from Luke 22, especially verses24-38. Regardless, I would recommend reading the whole chapter (you should know by now that that is given).
So, what's going one here? What sticks out to you? For me there were a few things:

1. vs 31 reassured me on how Satan must ask permission from God to do anything to his people. Recall Job 1-2.
2. the reflecting back to when Jesus sent out the Disciples to heal and preach to the lost people of Israel, Luke 9:1-9, Matthew 10.
3. the request for a sword

That last one struck me the most. For we read in the Gospels that Jesus did not come to bring peace, but a sword. However, His sword was figurative not literal. We read in Revelation that when the Son of Man appeared His tongue was like and sharper than a double-edged sword. Jesus had came and fulfilled EVERY LITTLE AND SPECIFIC prophecy, but He DID NOT come to fulfill the people's expectancies. Did you get that? They had expected a military hero. They got a rebellious, lover of sinners, humble person instead. So why now the need for swords? Was He thinking, "I am going to give the people what they want-fighting and show them how unbeneficial it is." Or maybe He wanted the 12 to prepare and defend themselves for the change that was going to come after He was crucified. I thought, what if He asked for swords because he wanted to heal the temple guard? Do you know or remember what happened when Jesus was arrested? The disciples tried defending their leader with their swords, attacked the guard,  and cut off his ear. Hmmm....crazy huh? And interesting, very interesting.

Follow me here: what if, this is a big IF, Jesus wanted or wants the church to have dissension? In my last note concerning my devotion, I had shared how the church has too many times taken upon themselves the definition and duties of a family as the world does and not as God does. But knowing God, I know He knew the church was going to be the biggest whore of all (Hosea). Certainly He does not love this, but He does not stop it. Just like He lets us humans in general give in and pervert nature (Romans 1), He has allowed the "mighty to fall". "But whoa to whom it may come through!"-Luke 17:1-3. Maybe, this was another way He desired for those looking on the outside in to 'come in'. Note Jesus healed the guard. Note Jesus said "enough!".

   My friends, sometimes church fails us. They hurt us and leave us with limbs cut off....I know, I live with the after effects. The ones I trusted and admired used their worldly desires and tools instead of their King of Kings. Too many have I seen their "righteousness" as a blade instead of just simply a broken body covered in grace and mercy. I can not express my apologies enough. But let me say this one thing:

 JESUS CAME AND DIED FOR YOU. HE CAME TO HEAL AND RESTORE YOU, EVEN IF YOU HATE HIM. GO AHEAD DESPISE THE CHURCH, BUT DO NOT FORGET WHOM HAS CALLED THEM. GOD WILL DEAL WITH THEM IF THEY HAVE HURT YOU, BUT FOR NOW TUNE IN TO WHAT HE HAS TO SAY TO YOU. HOW HE LOVES YOU.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCunuL58odQ

 

they say God's name is the only one to sing about/I wish to say more

sometimes she over stays her welcome/sometimes she's forgotten what she owes/the homeless was given shelter/cloths, shoes, food, and.../she stepped on your shoes/passed you by, listening to what she'd always heard/ "You are home. You are family"/ but she is not/how to express the fairy tale that came true?/how to express that the one she hurt is the one she admires above all?/they are all smiles/but payment of gratitude is due them/past due/does money satisfy years of already comfort?/do words of encouragement and portraits of exaltation make everything right?/"The past is the past" you say..../but how can the past be pushed to the side if under the carpet it has laid?/honesty cuts deep like the wound it keeps/truth is swallowed but rather wants to be purged/the speechless needs words and jubilee/in a dispute both are right/you were right/in the night she'd rather tare the air from her lungs/she loves you more than the roof over her head/she is older now and "been given so much...for free"/inside she is a kid/a goat trailing this mountain from the dark valley below/years of free lunches/free cloths/free school/free love/I never hated it more since/tell her more how you'd do things differently/tell her more how she stole the time away from what was yours/...what you deserved.../I've hurt many before/I am a slacker/ I am a cheater/ I am fatherless/I am motherless/I am shame/ I am jealousy/ My name is clean in His hands/I call you brother, you call me friend/ I whisper lover, you shout the end

Harmony ,that is what I long for, that is what we need. You are so special to me and I could never bear to leave. You are so near to me, but never as close I would like you to be. Oh my dear how could I say it without you just hearing? I love you so. I 've loved you from the start. You mock me and you laugh in my face. I am nothing worth obtaining to you, nothing of worth in your heart-but you are forever number one on mine. I admire you from a far. You are so sweet but also oh so destructive. I know your not perfect, I know you were once hurt and broken. I know I don't look like the others that you are so eager to fall in love with. But you are so beautiful, so handsome to me. You take my breathe away, almost stealing it. And I am willing to turn away, I am willing to put a distance between you and I. Whatever it takes, even time and sacrifice. You are the goal I wish I could achieve, the treasure I wish to hold, the warmth I want to forever know. Maybe in a different circumstance, maybe in a different light you'll see-you're everything I am not, but everything I long to be.

The words I couldn't tell you, but God can
The words I couldn't tell you, but God can
The words I couldn't tell you, but God can
The words I couldn't tell you, but God can

it's best at dawn/forever will never be the same

it's best when the dawn shines through the red/when i run my fingers through your hair like I've always dreamt/when you've realized somethings there/your going to give in/and get fat/to open the lid and sniff/memory isn't left to chance/this is intimate, don't tell me it's not/just cause you read it upon the broken screen/in a crowd I feel utterly alone/who's shoes am I in?/because they don't fit/my brother can't even speak my name without surprising this brittle frame/am i awake? no longer can I tell what's real/when my dreams are so vivid/they take me under/i push, pull, and drag/this capsule that I am in is shaking at its core/do you believe a greater force than you can heal what's been broken so many times before?/i must do what I'm told, right?/I must pass with flying colors, right?/BUT THIS ISN'T WHO I AM!/THIS ISN'T WHAT I WAS MADE FOR!/to where to where is the Son of Bethlehem/I HOPE YOU SEE THROUGH THIS FACADE!/I HOPE YOU SEE THE DIRTY ROTTEN ME!/the truth is I've wanted to run away/follow the train tracks/my lungs are awake with anxiety/ oh but my soul is hiding/is it selfishness to tell them I'm not alright?/I'm not okay?/seeing dark figures come upon and call my name/God hasn't shut me out yet/He hasn't shut me down and left me for dead/....although I deserve every bit of it/TO BE BEATEN AND STRIPPED/TO BE SPAT UPON AND WRECKED/...but thing is I am already a wreck/so You took my place instead/ha it's funny how you hold me like a lover/and I still call out for another/time and time again/there is a theme here/from the beginning of time to the end of times/WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!/but a whole lot sooner than when we shut our eyes/In one second He could wipe it away/in one moment You could make it all change

*side note: all poems/songs I write have a sound like La Dispute or MGMT in my head

Not for me but for Your glory (part 2)

2/07/12

"Dear Father,
I have not been as obedient as you would like. I have deliberately gone against you and other wise man's words. Father, forgive me. Forgive me for misusing the gifts you have given me, including my body, and harming potential relationships in the future. Forgive me that even as I gave advice, I myself was sinning. You are the greatest dad in the world and too many times I go against you and break that connection. Restore in me the joy of your salvation...."

2. Identify-read Matthew 8:28-29
Let us dive into this a tad>>[if you are wanting some brief history and a geographical look at Gerasenes I advice checking it out on Bible Dictionary]

• Do you find it odd that there are two men demon-possessed and not just one like we receive in a later text of the Bible?/Do you think there is anything to that? (reminded me of Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, saying doesn't have to be towards those who are righteous remember!)
• How do you think these men got this way?Was it something they did to have these demons or did the demons just take over?/How could have things gotten soo bad? (this is also a good start, if you haven't already, taking a good look at what Scripture says on these topics)
• What are your thoughts on how the demons responded? Is it strange or challenging?
• {here's a toughy} Who was more corrupt: the two demon-possessed men or the town's people who were more concerned over their pigs? (lil fact: to Jews, pigs are the most unclean animal)

So our next step in healing is not only seeing what the core of our issue/sin/pain is but owning up to it. "Yup, that's me! I did it!" What's the 'name' of your guilt? And where are you going to let reside? In you, so it can finish destroying what is left or into the lives of those who had nothing to do with it? OR will you let the Master take it into His hands?

check out Matt. 11:25-30/ I was studying this last week and just let it resonate in me till I saw some new pieces in it that I hadn't before. For example: that silly song "He's got the whole world in His hands" came to my head ( go ahead sing it a bit or look it up:) ) and I thought to myself-how absurd is it to think that we would depreciate God in a way to say He has to hold something in His hands for it to be secure. Now, I know that is not the aim of the song, but still. Isaiah and Revolution speaks of a God "sitting" on His throne and the N. T [New Testament] also says how the world is actually His footstool! hahaha....But anyways, back to the point, I looked up the word "easy" in Greek used in this passage and found that it translates to "useful/good". Curious thought, is what you are carrying useful? Is it good?

Ponder on with some of these last words: Song by Matthew West "History" : " so what's your story, about His glory? You better find your place in the history of grace!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOdfx4DpQWg

Not for me but for Your glory (part 1)

1/29/12

"Dear Father, {long pause due to being distracted}
You {even longer pause because I am at a loss for words, followed by putting on some worship songs}...I..{streaming tears}...You are soo good to me. And I haven't really been living like my life depends on you. My quality time with you has been shot. Father, I am struggling. I want to remember want has happened to me in my past, I want to remember to hurt and loss. I want know what it was that lead me to this path of destruction, what was it that got my thoughts soo perverted. Will you please help me to remember and help me diligently find help to overcome. Help me forgive, help me to love. I know you are my Father, my dad....but I want to know my real one soo bad. I know you are love...but I want someone to hold as well. Forgive me if my motives are for people to see, for in a way I guess they are. But you can also use this desire in me to help others see we are in the same boat and that we can help each other overcome the crashing waters. Teach me, engulf me, resonate with in me Lord. And be with those who may read this, that they too may experience your overwhelming thundering grace. In Jesus's beautiful name, Amen."

[For those reading this for a devotion, I am mostly going back and forth with Ephesians and Colosians so it would prolly be best the check those two books out in their full capacity and not just the tid bits I give.]
 
Eph. 2:5 (TNIV)-thoughts: "He MADE US ALIVE"...'made' 'created' at conception we came alive, but we were born into death due to sin. But now, now with His breath in my lungs I am alive. (And today I am trying to remember what it was like to be dead.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6MAkLJ79LE

It's like God is the surgeon and I am the assistant, helping to dissect what was me.

The other day I was reading Col. 3:3-
thoughts: "hidden in Christ" what does that mean?
Eph. 5:9-to fully see what we are doing during this dissection we are going to need the LIGHT. This is no ordinary light. With this Light we are now going about this with "goodness, righteousness, and truth." This is majorly important! You can't begin to take an inventory of your self or understand your self with-out the help of Christ. The Light here is the Holy Spirit. It is Him who leads our hands as we make our 'incisions' and 'dig deep'.
*side note:it is important to not get soo caught up in you struggles and pain that you forget that you are not the only one going through it. Col. 4:18b [I mark "a for the beginning part of the verse and "b" for the second.]

1. Get to the Core>>(I know nothing about surgery or anatomy, so bare with me here) in my case as we made our cuts, went through the layers of flesh and surface level guts we notice that the closer to the bottom we get the blacker the substance we find. It is linking everything together in a twisted gooey web. Pretty soon we are no longer using our hands but having to use all different sorts of tools just to get this tar-like substance out of the way. Finally, after toil and sweat it is out. We get back to scope the scene and find out where the ooze was leaking from. The Surgeon has been waiting for this and is ready to dive in with full throttle, but suddenly turns to me and asks: "Are you ready for this?"

• So what's at your core that is eating you alive? And are you ready to take it out? What is the junk that you are hiding it behind to prevent the healing? Is it "too much pain", fear, shock, or unwillingness? Maybe like me it's a sin that has tripped you up for years but now you finally want to understand why.

another song: ORANGE THUMB

It's one of those nights. I'm tiered and alone. And yes I meant that. Stuck up in a room staring at the screen that won't type its self. The door lies wide open. No one who walks by speaks. The energy has been drained from every pulsating pore in my body. The songs are catchy...and hmm...so is that other person who isn't me. There are two types of women out there I desire to be and will come to forget. My clothes don't match, my hair doesn't lay straight and he doesn't make me free, they don't make me free-I'm never free. Give me a glance. I have forgotten about it, forgotten it as much as I was suppose to forgive Monday. Eyes are heavy. You sigh another time. Times passing like always, like always you're wishing you could make it fly and freeze. Speak to me, please. Without a touch is neglect. Too much touch is abuse. No words I am lost. Too much words, I am confused. Where does the road bend, curve and go upside down? This is a pitstop right? Hows come I smell no fuel? Maybe I'll guzzle some water. Maybe I'll go out and buy some pants. Will they sparkle as much as theirs? Enough make-up will do it right? Enough. Enough. Enough. Enough. Say goodbye to the Bonnie's and Becky's, say hello to...where ever it is I'm going. I wish you would whisper to me your secrets. O GOD I'M A MESS! School isn't worth it, my job can't pay it. Am I drowning? Everything is going blurry. Till that day, that moment in time when everything will be more than fine. When I will no longer be defined by relationships and status and that annoying word called "kind". We will laugh and we will cry, cry from the joy it is to finally be together again. I am not lost, this track is not too badly cut. My heart burst forward with song and more righteous blood will project the vision I want to inquire. Take me with you and ask me to stay...till the end of days. Is anyone listening? Does everyone read the words so blatantly said? IT'S TIME TO GROW UP KID! Time to pick up your gun....and wait, that's not how the fairy tale ends. Some nights, but more like days, feel like a dream. Those seams of time stitch up a torn fabricated heart.

FaNtAsy

The Lord of the Rings Adventure through Middle earth with The One Ring of power not knowing what the next bend will bring. The Star Wars Saga flying through the galaxies at light speed to just barely escape the grip of Darth Vader. Or going through the secret passages of Hogwarts to enter the Shrieking Shack to discover that your best friend's leg has been mangled by your godfather who can transform into a dog. So we've all seen these classics. And secretly, deep deep down or maybe not as deep, we have all wanted what they have. Yes, we have all either wanted to be one of the extras standing in the background watching as Aslan rises from the dead after his brutal death. Or maybe, you were even one of the brave ones and wanted to be the main star that more than willingly gives up their natural life for the life of a Avatar to live and protect Pandora. Too many times have I wished these things. Too many times have I wished the whole concept on Blue's Clues of jumping into pictures/frames were true and I could be on a journey of a life time. Thing is, we think this life is and will never compare to such wonders we see on the tv screen and next thing we know we have people dressing up like these characters actually believing they are them! But here's the startling factor here people-WE ARE ALREADY LIVING IT. And if I could be as bold to say that our version, our reality, is an even bigger blockbuster than all of these combined. Soo, how is this possible?How is this even slightly true? Well, the story line kinda runs like this:

In the beginning there was a marvelous, glorious and incomparable King and his most beloved child. For this child the King ( that could not ever be descibed with mere words and had absolute everything and yet was not defined by them) chose to give the ultimate freedom. This freedom could not have broken His heart more, but His love for His child was stronger than His pain. He gave His most beloved child the freedom to choice Him or deny Him. Creating a world of their own, He took the first step in breaking the beautiful bond that they once had. This child, He well knew, would become more astounded with the works of His hands than the hands that created them. But still, He (full love) let the child go. The child loved what they saw and soon began to believe that they deserved more and more. Before another day had past they had done the very thing that tipped that scale forever. They disobeyed. Now, this disobedience was utterly new. Before their freedom there was absolutely no comprehension of disobeying their Father. The last cord that held them together, their inheritance and entitlement, was stripped from their very hearts. So as their punishment, what they deserved for their prideful and corrupted hearts was punishable to death. No longer were they immortal, no longer did they have unblemished bodies, no longer did they know the capacity of the love, joy, and peace that came with their Creator. Their days were spent in toil. Their hands worked with dust and their minds became deluded. However, not once did the King forget His love to them and provided numerous ways for His child to come totally clean before Him. But despite the offers, the child did not cry out with everything they had and so the ages past. Thousands of years went by, the child now well gone and past on the inheritance of this sin gave birth to nations. Those nations did exactly what their fore-fathers had, toiled and toiled day after day. The King still never forgetting the love He shared with them knew what needed to be done. And so at the right time, He chose to be like His child. Some of the decedents knew of this, but others did not or at least chose to not. Together at last, yet still a chasm apart. He did what every man did. He walked like every man walked and He drank what every man drank. In all of His greatness, in all of His humility He took the punishment every man should. His children, the one's deserving death beat their last hope, spat on their last chance and crucified their fantasy. So He took the blame. He took the fall and He most certainly took it for them all. But this was not the end, you see. No, He knew that taking their blame was not enough. Because regardless if the crowds admitted it, there was shame as well that was eating them from the inside out. From the grave He rose again. And from that grave He broke the bondage and opened the gates. The choice was still theirs of course, but you see now....now they had absolutely no excuse to deny the fact of returning home. Home, yes. For their home was with their King, their God, their Christ: Jesus. -The Holy Bible

• So where does that leave you?
• Do you not know that Jesus is the reality but the greatest "fantasy" you could ever live?
• Are you living with past guilt and regrets? Why not give it a chance and surrender them to the one who knows all about them?
• Still too hard-headed to see where you belong?Or are you stuck on the fact that I even used the word "belong"?Why or why not?
• What is there to lose, really? You think you'll be tied down by all these laws ad regulations?Is this an aspect a church or certain "Christians" have put in your head?
• Have you ever looked at the Bible for more than just words?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcziMI0tol4

Story: Tell Me About Honor

And there I sit. In a circle of the Great Counsel. There are twelve chairs, separated evenly around the left and the right of me. Twelve men with their tattered, fish smelling, dirt filled robes. Some are older than the rest and others a tad skinnier. I see Peter, he is the only one dead on focused as if he was going to be responsible for the rest. He is near the front of the circle, particularly to the left front. He sits right next to the Son. Oh yes, the Holy Trinity sits there as well. It is not a tense-filled atmosphere. There is chitter-chatter, some coughing and some waiting. The Great I AM sits directly in front of me, His majesty too grand to evoke. But still we sit. Well, at least I sit. I am at least the only normal one. Jesus is talking it up with some and some are pondering his words, the rest laughing with their deep chests. They are frail men too, we are one in this company. I am more dead on focused on the Spirit, however. I glance up at him only for a smidge till my eyes dart back down. He knows what I've done, hears my inward thoughts-my belligerent ways. Father, He is the head of it all. He is holding what appears to be a chart in His hands, reading intently or at least I think He is. The atmosphere has chilled and the time has come to begin. Jesus smiles at me and my heart is reminded of what it has done to him. I remember why I'm here. It's not a time to sit and watch, it's not a learning seminar. No, this is my judgement. I am confident I can't leave, although my brain is tracking why not? Everyone turns ever so passionately to those three leading chairs. But I don't. I don't move at all, don't know if I'm even breathing anymore. They begin and the most beautiful words are spoken, the ever more my heart is broken. I don't look up, but instead stair at my brothers' feet. They're dirty, blood-stained and blistered. Except one. His feet are polished as if just soaked in oil. He sits right next to me. In fact, he is looking at mine as well. What does he see? And then it strikes me, we are quite similar. These so called great men of victor, courage and faith. But here I and this other sit without a scratch. I had gathered from the earlier conversations that his name is Judas. Judas. "Samantha." I look up. All eyes are on me now and I realize the contentedness for finding another like me was only an illusion due from me profusely sweating. My heart melts and my body aches. What will they say about these accusations made against me? Obviously, they are true. My guts are poured out on the table for all to see. Yes, there they should point out where it is I went wrong. But they don't. They don't say what I think. Instead, I hear one called James pipe up, "I've done that." Then a another called Mark say, "yes, most certainly. I have done that." Again and again I hear them admitting what they have done. As if no matter what differences were given on the outside, our guts were made the same. Our shame. Our guilt. We were more alike than I could ever imagine. The only one that didn't speak was Judas, but rather he sat there with eyes wide open and pale faced. And Jesus now leaning over his chair with his enclosed hands resting on his knees smiled upon me. As if saying, "Look. Look, you are not alone." And the Spirit seemed to fill me with warmth. " But...but I knew what was right and...I purposely went against it..." I pathetically mumble in their humbling presence's . "I've done that" said Thomas. "Oh yes, me too." said Bartholomew. I looked again at the one they loved, His eyes locked oh soo comfortably upon mine saying "Look my daughter. Look, how much you are loved."

"The end doesn't justify the means."/ Luke 12: 49-53

What I am wanting to share today is something that can be confusing-not as confusing as "the sound of one hand clapping" as some Buddhist colonies would say, but baffling in the sense that it is not something usually heard. If you haven't already, please dive into Luke 12:49-53.

• What are your immediate response? Are you shocked, why or why not?

I know as I read this again I was thinking, "Wow, Jesus. You're totally not the Jesus I thought you were!." And I love that! So as I read this, my attention was pulled towards one verse, verse 51

"Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division."

• Did you think Jesus came to bring peace on earth? Our Christmas songs say He does....
• What do you think about when He says "peace" here?Or how do you define peace?

Well, I went to take a look at what my Greek translated bible had to say here (f.y.i: the New Testament was originally written in Greek). The word used for peace looks like such: ειρήνη. The definition for this word means= opposite of strife, peace of mind, reconciliation with God, corresponding to Old Testament's Hebrew word meaning a perfect well-being. So didn't Jesus do all that? My answer is yes....and no. You see, YES, Jesus gives us peace of mind [John 14:27] and YES, Jesus came to bring us back to God [2 Cor.5:18-19]. But Jesus DID NOT take us away from strife, in fact He says we will get more of it [Matt. 10:22]!! Thus, my thought process was, why? Why do we get more strife than what we had before? And ha, why would we be turned on to investing into Christ if this is to come? I believe the answer lies in what the rest of the definition of peace stands for here.

Next, I took another look at what Jesus was talking about with the fire stuff:

"I have come to bring fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled!"

Is He talking about the end of the world? Let's keep reading:

"But I have a baptism to undergo, and what constraint I am under until it is completed!"

It doesn't look like He is talking about the "end of the world" at all; rather, He is talking about the baptism of the Holy Spirit.{note here I say baptism of the Holy Spirit not water.} We can draw this conclusion from what other scripture says: Matthew 3: 11, Joel 2: 28-29*, Acts 2, & 2 Timothy 1:6. In these regards,  it is important to know about the Holy Spirit and what it does for the body of believers (if you're interested in further discussion concerning this, please comment below or just dive into your Bible...I'll probably just tell you to do that anyways). For one, it helps us get a little bit of a grasp of what then Jesus could be talking about in verses 52-53. Do you remember just a few chapters back what Jesus said regarding His family?

"Now Jesus's mother and brother came to see him, but they were not able to get near him because of the crowd. Someone told him, "Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to see you." He replied, "My mother and brother are those who hear God's word and put it into practice" -Luke 8: 19-21

Could it be safe to say then that Jesus is talking about our families? Our blood-related family? Because our "family" in Him is suppose to be united right? (I know sometimes or maybe more times than not, the church is not united, I will address this issue shortly) That is is goal right? To have the whole world "on fire for Him"? Is it clicking yet? WE WILL HAVE STRIFE IN OUR HOMES BECAUSE OF JESUS. What is strife? Strife is= lack of agreement or harmony, bitter conflict, heated often violent dissension. Curious huh? But, not really. Let me ask you this tough question

• If Jesus knew He was going to bring strife in our homes, why should we try to fix them?

I will leave you to answer that on your own. Now, I have seen a lot of strife these days. And it mainly focuses on when a child has come to know Jesus personally and their parents or even grandparents have not. This strife can be seen in many ways. Perhaps, you're the wife who's just discovered who Jesus is to you and suffer with why you husband's not striving along. Or maybe you're the granddaughter of someone who has become sooo wrapped up in church they have lost the meaning of it all. Either way, Jesus well knew there was going to be strife!

I concluded my study with another couple of tough questions that I do hope to unravel.

1. Why would Jesus want or have lives be divided?
2. How does Jesus deal with what He gets in regards to ourselves and Him?

Obviously, we all want things to be well within our families and we would do anything for that to happen (or at least some of us would). But what I feel Jesus is saying here is this: "You think you have family division now, just wait it will get worse." or "You want to be united and stick with your family names, legacies and traditions, but I've come to break all that!" (A side not here: if you haven't studied anything about the Greeks/Romans I will let you on a little secret-they were HUGE on this last name/legacy stuff! But idk, if Jesus was really addressing the Romans here.) 

So, what a dilemma we now have. Shoot, this shouldn't be anything new! Jesus said, "Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves a son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."-Matt. 10:37. (Now, He is not saying to hate them but more like get your priorities right. Neither should you get the conclusion that Jesus hates peace.) Family is where you're core is based from, they are the people you share everything with, the ones who truly know you and understand you. But now, here comes Jesus and He's going to rock your world! Why? Because something us families are good at is protecting each other...even if that means going against what is right. With Jesus flame in your heart, He calls you to stop that nonsense. He calls you to be a speaker of Truth. This is not exactly what the world's family wants. Sure, they might persuade you to be one, but when push comes to shove they'd rather want you to have their backs than anything else! This is where some churches have messed up and BIG TIME! Sometimes it is THE CHURCH who has traded in the truth for "protection". Why? Because they have started living by the world's definition of "family"=protect at all cost. What did Jesus do? He saved at all cost. The church in many cases has become corrupt and bent on selfish gain. For anyone who has experienced this, I am truly truly sorry.

But now, you have a choice. The choice of following Jesus or not, the greatest choice you will ever make (that and who you will marry lol). Note the costs. And note the benefits. However, one choice you do not have is whether or not to be a speaker of Truth in Christ. You're obligated to. Even in your families you must speak up for Jesus.

Thus, "the end does not justify the means" because if comfort is all you care about you are missing the point. Life is about WHO YOU ARE and what you do about it, peace or not.

P.H. and my life {song}

There is a break in the bridges/and when you go to turn the corner, you better pick up your britches/because what I've seen I will tell/ and what I've seen is close to hell/ but never too far gone for a whimper/ you're never too far gone from the shelter/ I was walking on a road that seemed to be of its own accord/ a journey into an abyss I guess I had always known/ She said "do what I say and not what I do"/ but that bitter end had always been a part of you/ She snuffed it out till the root went dry/ I just sat there and watched the herald go by/We were brought in by blood/ but now we must be bought out/ I heard about what you said/ the body on the open floor/ he spat out his life and his eyes went back behind his head/ I knew no better, so I did what I knew best/ I covered the body and I went on my merry way/ I got in that car that day, only to realize the trust I buried in you was the backstabbing crock/wearing those clothes never saved us/your shiny white robes never contained us/I was left for dead by you/and now, now I'm the dead man/spew all your prophetic lies to me one last time/I gaze my eyes back into yours as you ask "is God treating you alright?"/I sat on the steps/peaked through the door/ I saw what you heard/he overpowered her/and she was left weeping with a can in her hands/the police at the door/then the dead man whispered in my head, "wasn't I a good man before?"

God always says you matter. How do you respond?

>>This weekend I got to go to a service at Heartland [which is the church I attend], and they shared about the parable (a story told by Jesus with a heavenly meaning/the older male usually represents God) of the hidden treasure. If you don't know it, check it out sometime-Matthew 13:44-46.It is basically a story of love. And if you are anything like me right now, I was skeptical. Questions flooding my mind of: Why was this man in this field?It doesn't even belong to him!What if the treasure was someone else's?And what was he going to do with the treasure after he found it again?Does he buy bigger and better stuff?Or is he like Golum from Lord of the Rings, just sitting there petting it all day?I was really tormented.But as a very wise man told me, it is not about the details here but the fact.

read Matthew 25:14-30

The part I really want to focus on is this man with the one talent (your version might say "bags"), he seems to be my favorite. Why? Other than totally relating to this guy, I feel like a lot of people I know are the same. So what was this guy's deal: verses 24-25.

• do you ever feel like God is a "hard man" (hard in Greek here means harsh or stern)?
• do you think God is meddling in things that he shouldn't or are not his? (I find it ironic that the word "master" in Greek is "Lord")

read Matthew 10:31

>>Now I am not quite sure why Jesus compares us to sparrows (trust me I tried looking!), but it is again just one of those things you just take. Like 99% of things Christ says he uses what was familiar to the audience. All we know is that sparrows are small, sometimes annoying, cute sounding birds...but point is who you are and who you are in Christ is more important than anything else in Creation!/I want you to do something now, this is really cool-look up the music video Hurricane by Samestate and make sure to get one with the lyrics.

• Does it matter if you get or understand what God is up to?
• Have you lost your identity because you are too preoccupied with the past or tomorrow and not today?
• How do you get to the point of embracing what Jesus has done for you and wanting to give Him your best in return?

the finishing touches, read Matthew 7:24-29

• And lastly, could not having an active and daily love relationship with Christ causing your "house" to be on unstable land?

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."-1 John 4:18

pearl of a swine (Ephesians 2/Psalm 8/MAtthew 7:6/Proverbs 26:11/Romans 5)

look look at the mess I've made/can't you smell the stench/can't you see the mud smeared upon my skin/can you feel my burden?/my sickness?/my madness?/i don't want you to see me like this/it's the never ending cycle/I'll never change/I'll stab you in the heart again/don't get to close/the waste is rising
my arms are stretched out towards you/I'm ankle deep/the mud is rising/i know/come near to me/draw near to me/i am the escape
you don't understand/how can once was clean desire dirt?/are you willing to fight for me?/are you willing to take it all?/i look away/because you can not understand/i am alone in this/i am alone
my face is buried/all i see is you/you can not hide from me/I've always wanted you/here here in my arms/they will set you free/believe in the freedom/not the fall/I'll take it all/i want it all/the foul can not stop me
i waddle a little closer now/but my legs are broken/my arms are crushed/I've swallowed my own vomit/i can not breath/no breath fills my lungs/and all i see is utter darkness
wake up my darling/rise from the grave/this is not your life anymore/this is not your name anymore/I'll wash you clean/and forever clean you will be
a glimmer of light/a brilliant light/cascading closer/i don't want to be like this anymore/save me!/save me!/my mouth drips of poison
note this/come close/my still soft whisper/my love/my swine/you have never left the palace/your seat is right here next to mine/your robes are of brilliant white/and it will always be/because of me/because of me/i love you/so stop pretending like you don't see/my son bled for you/and now your clean/you are my child/my child/MY CHILD!/you are free

The Story of My Life, As They Say It

"Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!O what a foretaste of glory divine! Heir of salvation, purchase of God,born of his Spirit, washed in his blood.
This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long; this is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long. Perfect submission, perfect delight, visions of rapture now burst on my sight; angels descending bring from above echoes of mercy, whispers of love. Perfect submission, all is at rest; I in my Savior am happy and blest, watching and waiting, looking above, filled with his goodness, lost in his love."

She was Meant To Live for so much more. Growing up in unstable home, she was alone. Never knowing her father (which was heart-aching), a mother who struggled with alcoholism, and moving constantly, she knew no better. Her grandmother, as well as her grandmother's mother-whom she called granny, attended church every Sunday. Yippy, you sat down for an hour, listened to this weird guy speak as the crowd (mostly older people) fall asleep. At the most perhaps, she scooted to edge of her seat to catch those words that were so delicately spoken or if not had a pencil at work for those 'confirmation papers' (it was a Lutheran Church, so you had "homework"). She learned at a young age that her purpose was to make others happy...even at the expense of her own. So the whole God thing was down, or at least the "being good" part was. She got her good grades, became 'teacher's pet' (unless she stole their suckers), and had a grand imagination. Well, she had to have!-With a mother continually working to make ends meet or if not buying marijuana. It was very chaotic at times and eventually lead to coming to the conclusion that life really wasn't worth it. Secretly, she contemplated about running away (or perhaps being rescued from prince charming) and/or dying.

 But the summer of 2005 rolled around and her older cousin invited her to this trip to Noah's Ark Water park in WI.(If you've never been there, go). The trip only lasted for a day, but it was here that she was introduced to this youth ministries group. It was a blast! Apparently, this group meet every Thursday. That following week she and her friends went; looking at this group with awe and wonder, she was learning more about this Jesus thing than ever before...and well, she really enjoyed the cute guys:) A month flies by and an invitation to attend this festival called Creation in PA. is brought up. A week of non-stop bands, speakers, camping, and a trip to the world's fastest/biggest roller coasters at Cedar Point-what else could a girl want? Thin on money, a deal was made with her Gramgram that if she helped her in gardening before that time she would receive half the money to pay for it. Yah, money! So she worked and worked and worked...as well as prayed prolly for the first legit time in her life. Asking God that if He provided the rest of mula, she swore she would change her life around! Little did she know that she was asking for soooo much more! By a miracle she was able to go! On the first day of the festivities a speaker asked for anyone who wanted to give their life to Christ to stand up-she was right up there! This God that she thought she knew, spoke and said "I am your Father and I have never left you nor forsaken you." WOWSERS. Hold up, wait a minute! The God of all of creation, who knew her inmost being, knew her pain, saw and felt her sins-LOVED HER. Wow. 

The week ended with her in tears of leaving this newly found sanctuary from the obscure fighting at home; however, comforted by these words: "Therefore anyone who is in Christ is a new creation. Behold, see the old is gone and the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17. Months pass by and she was growing like a weed in her new found relationship & not religion with the her new Lover, Friend, and King. Things started to change, some with her solely giving her life up in gratitude-but also things she couldn't change. For ex) her mother losing her job to a fire and 2) losing a close friendship of 6 years. But she kept worshiping, learning, praying, and discovering this Love Letter called the Bible. She even became an active leader at this new church (this quiet girl was coming out of her comfort zone!). Standing up on stage for praise team, giving challenges, leading Bible studies-which she learned she loved to teach and being part of weekly outreach/inreach focused meetings; she was soaking this in as if nothing else mattered! Yet, something else did matter. Inside she held a dirty secret that only a couple of people knew. It ate her up inside like a cancer, and it didn't fit with this Christian life. The sin that entangled her so was a sexual sin, and nothing seemed to slow it down. With being introduced to sex at a young age and access to pornographic material, it grew and grew. How sickening this was to her, that it made her disgusted with herself. So the solution, a very dumb and perverted solution...the one she had coached her friend's not to do...was cut. Her reasoning: she couldn't bare the fact that her Savior had to not only die for her sins, but had to go through a broken heart to win her over. With counsel from professionals, friends and Christ she continues to work on these struggles. If only the original sin could go away so easily! She was/is encouraged and challenged by the words of: Philippians 4:8, Ephesians 5:3, 1 Corinthians 6: 12-20, Romans 12 :1-2, as well as many others. Now, she is still walking that "straight and narrow" and trusting "the Way, the Truth and the Life." Still working through these things knowing that she does it all with Jesus by her side. All in all she has seen and experienced God in some of the most incredible ways and she wouldn't have things any other way! The cool thing is, her story and many others like it are "The Lord's"...Isaiah 44:5