This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long; this is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long. Perfect submission, perfect delight, visions of rapture now burst on my sight; angels descending bring from above echoes of mercy, whispers of love. Perfect submission, all is at rest; I in my Savior am happy and blest, watching and waiting, looking above, filled with his goodness, lost in his love."
She was Meant To Live for so much more. Growing up in unstable home, she was alone. Never knowing her father (which was heart-aching), a mother who struggled with alcoholism, and moving constantly, she knew no better. Her grandmother, as well as her grandmother's mother-whom she called granny, attended church every Sunday. Yippy, you sat down for an hour, listened to this weird guy speak as the crowd (mostly older people) fall asleep. At the most perhaps, she scooted to edge of her seat to catch those words that were so delicately spoken or if not had a pencil at work for those 'confirmation papers' (it was a Lutheran Church, so you had "homework"). She learned at a young age that her purpose was to make others happy...even at the expense of her own. So the whole God thing was down, or at least the "being good" part was. She got her good grades, became 'teacher's pet' (unless she stole their suckers), and had a grand imagination. Well, she had to have!-With a mother continually working to make ends meet or if not buying marijuana. It was very chaotic at times and eventually lead to coming to the conclusion that life really wasn't worth it. Secretly, she contemplated about running away (or perhaps being rescued from prince charming) and/or dying.
But the summer of 2005 rolled around and her older cousin invited her to this trip to Noah's Ark Water park in WI.(If you've never been there, go). The trip only lasted for a day, but it was here that she was introduced to this youth ministries group. It was a blast! Apparently, this group meet every Thursday. That following week she and her friends went; looking at this group with awe and wonder, she was learning more about this Jesus thing than ever before...and well, she really enjoyed the cute guys:) A month flies by and an invitation to attend this festival called Creation in PA. is brought up. A week of non-stop bands, speakers, camping, and a trip to the world's fastest/biggest roller coasters at Cedar Point-what else could a girl want? Thin on money, a deal was made with her Gramgram that if she helped her in gardening before that time she would receive half the money to pay for it. Yah, money! So she worked and worked and worked...as well as prayed prolly for the first legit time in her life. Asking God that if He provided the rest of mula, she swore she would change her life around! Little did she know that she was asking for soooo much more! By a miracle she was able to go! On the first day of the festivities a speaker asked for anyone who wanted to give their life to Christ to stand up-she was right up there! This God that she thought she knew, spoke and said "I am your Father and I have never left you nor forsaken you." WOWSERS. Hold up, wait a minute! The God of all of creation, who knew her inmost being, knew her pain, saw and felt her sins-LOVED HER. Wow.
The week ended with her in tears of leaving this newly found sanctuary from the obscure fighting at home; however, comforted by these words: "Therefore anyone who is in Christ is a new creation. Behold, see the old is gone and the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17. Months pass by and she was growing like a weed in her new found relationship & not religion with the her new Lover, Friend, and King. Things started to change, some with her solely giving her life up in gratitude-but also things she couldn't change. For ex) her mother losing her job to a fire and 2) losing a close friendship of 6 years. But she kept worshiping, learning, praying, and discovering this Love Letter called the Bible. She even became an active leader at this new church (this quiet girl was coming out of her comfort zone!). Standing up on stage for praise team, giving challenges, leading Bible studies-which she learned she loved to teach and being part of weekly outreach/inreach focused meetings; she was soaking this in as if nothing else mattered! Yet, something else did matter. Inside she held a dirty secret that only a couple of people knew. It ate her up inside like a cancer, and it didn't fit with this Christian life. The sin that entangled her so was a sexual sin, and nothing seemed to slow it down. With being introduced to sex at a young age and access to pornographic material, it grew and grew. How sickening this was to her, that it made her disgusted with herself. So the solution, a very dumb and perverted solution...the one she had coached her friend's not to do...was cut. Her reasoning: she couldn't bare the fact that her Savior had to not only die for her sins, but had to go through a broken heart to win her over. With counsel from professionals, friends and Christ she continues to work on these struggles. If only the original sin could go away so easily! She was/is encouraged and challenged by the words of: Philippians 4:8, Ephesians 5:3, 1 Corinthians 6: 12-20, Romans 12 :1-2, as well as many others. Now, she is still walking that "straight and narrow" and trusting "the Way, the Truth and the Life." Still working through these things knowing that she does it all with Jesus by her side. All in all she has seen and experienced God in some of the most incredible ways and she wouldn't have things any other way! The cool thing is, her story and many others like it are "The Lord's"...Isaiah 44:5
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