Not for me but for Your glory (part 1)

1/29/12

"Dear Father, {long pause due to being distracted}
You {even longer pause because I am at a loss for words, followed by putting on some worship songs}...I..{streaming tears}...You are soo good to me. And I haven't really been living like my life depends on you. My quality time with you has been shot. Father, I am struggling. I want to remember want has happened to me in my past, I want to remember to hurt and loss. I want know what it was that lead me to this path of destruction, what was it that got my thoughts soo perverted. Will you please help me to remember and help me diligently find help to overcome. Help me forgive, help me to love. I know you are my Father, my dad....but I want to know my real one soo bad. I know you are love...but I want someone to hold as well. Forgive me if my motives are for people to see, for in a way I guess they are. But you can also use this desire in me to help others see we are in the same boat and that we can help each other overcome the crashing waters. Teach me, engulf me, resonate with in me Lord. And be with those who may read this, that they too may experience your overwhelming thundering grace. In Jesus's beautiful name, Amen."

[For those reading this for a devotion, I am mostly going back and forth with Ephesians and Colosians so it would prolly be best the check those two books out in their full capacity and not just the tid bits I give.]
 
Eph. 2:5 (TNIV)-thoughts: "He MADE US ALIVE"...'made' 'created' at conception we came alive, but we were born into death due to sin. But now, now with His breath in my lungs I am alive. (And today I am trying to remember what it was like to be dead.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6MAkLJ79LE

It's like God is the surgeon and I am the assistant, helping to dissect what was me.

The other day I was reading Col. 3:3-
thoughts: "hidden in Christ" what does that mean?
Eph. 5:9-to fully see what we are doing during this dissection we are going to need the LIGHT. This is no ordinary light. With this Light we are now going about this with "goodness, righteousness, and truth." This is majorly important! You can't begin to take an inventory of your self or understand your self with-out the help of Christ. The Light here is the Holy Spirit. It is Him who leads our hands as we make our 'incisions' and 'dig deep'.
*side note:it is important to not get soo caught up in you struggles and pain that you forget that you are not the only one going through it. Col. 4:18b [I mark "a for the beginning part of the verse and "b" for the second.]

1. Get to the Core>>(I know nothing about surgery or anatomy, so bare with me here) in my case as we made our cuts, went through the layers of flesh and surface level guts we notice that the closer to the bottom we get the blacker the substance we find. It is linking everything together in a twisted gooey web. Pretty soon we are no longer using our hands but having to use all different sorts of tools just to get this tar-like substance out of the way. Finally, after toil and sweat it is out. We get back to scope the scene and find out where the ooze was leaking from. The Surgeon has been waiting for this and is ready to dive in with full throttle, but suddenly turns to me and asks: "Are you ready for this?"

• So what's at your core that is eating you alive? And are you ready to take it out? What is the junk that you are hiding it behind to prevent the healing? Is it "too much pain", fear, shock, or unwillingness? Maybe like me it's a sin that has tripped you up for years but now you finally want to understand why.