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Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Worry, Anxiety, and Fear

"...But when she opened that door, she did not see what she expected to see. For this is kind of hard to put into focus for you, the reader. For what used to be her narrow hallway leading to the other rooms of the apartment, was what seemed to be a dark, dark cave. It smelled of rank and torches were lite on the sides in the exact places where the doors used to be standing. Maria, to help contain herself, laughed a sarcastic laugh-"Oh! Might as well play along!" Maria claimed to be still in a daze, not letting the possibility that this could be reality sink in. Of course, she had opened her eyes and everything she could feel, see, and hear was clear. She proceeded to walk through what seemed like dogs drool that went to the top of her ankles, luckily she was wearing sweatpants. She drudged her way to the kitchen.
   Scanning the vast of her new surroundings, what used to be the kitchen was now  just a brittle wooden table with a stone chair. The table held a medium sized rusted pot with an eating utensil placed inside it. Mud now replaced the once tiled floor and gray stone now covered where the ceiling fan once dangled. "My brain is pretty creative to come up with this perception of my ordinary life." the almost adult whispered to herself. Continuing to play along, she proceeded to act like James Bond and took her time sneaking upon the voices she had just started to hear resonating from the living room. 
   "Whawt'ca T'ink'n" growled a dirty, slurred voice.
   "U'll o-ld haaaag uuu." responded another equally as rough and rustic voice.
   "SHUTTTTUP! ARRRRLLLL YA!" continued a third.
  Maria continued to listen to the three voices; all worse in understanding and piercing to the bones.
   "Wazzz I not or wazzz I not, thur wen r Leader triumphed ovz the one thyz cal king?! May r Ledaer ee rriegn on hi; hiz triumph or heee."
   "aRHHHH!"
   "Don't mention that onnnnne, Ssenneknurd!"
   "I ee wasn't. Holds e'z tong whilez u'z hav onnnne. I'z mack'n a pointtt. I'z aaa have a plan."
   Their voices were full of secrecy, lure and brought chills. She imagined the most ugliest of creatures, like those things you see in a horror film. "Oh how fun!" She thought and ran with excitement into their presence. Her first mistake."
             -Penetrated (taken from chapter one)

 Have you ever experienced fear-filled moments? Has anything ever shook you to the core, made your heart fall into your stomach, or made you cringe? Perhaps, it was the new hit thriller that made you crawl into a tiny ball as the murder crept upon an unsuspecting victim. Or maybe it was when your teacher was passing back your finals and this grade could make you or brake you. Was it a time you had to confront a problem with a loved one, or hear that that loved one "just wasn't going to last the night." Did your eyes burn, your body ach? Was it due to anticipation and anxiety as you waited for someone to find you while playing hide-and-go-seek; or was it during the nights you prayed someone to rescue from the hell that waited outside your bedroom door? What ever that moment was (or moments), we can know we have ALL had some experience of worry, anxiety, and fear.

I Know I have certainly had a hand full of them. Fear is certainly something we will all have, all want to get rid off, and all must confront. It's not fun and obviously not enjoyable! And strangely, fear has levels doesn't it?! There's a level for a fear a spiders up to the fear to crashing in an airplane. The fear of dying or the fear of not finding a prom date. Psychology then not only teaches the levels, but then states they can be classified into rational and irrational fears. A rational fear would be something that can actually happen to you-like losing your car keys. An irrational fear is something that of which you have proposed in your head but can not/does not actually pertain to you-like the fear of snakes when you have never even seen a snake.
  • What are some of your fears?
  • What level would you place them at if 1 being no fear and 10 being outrageously afraid of?
  • Are each of those fears rational? What about irrational?
Have you ever seen the movie the Prince of Egypt? It is an animated movie from the 90's that tells about the story of Moses. Check out this trailer:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWs81poMgiM
There is this fantastic scene where Aaron (Moses's brother) is just ramming on the people and Moses. Just calling out the blatantly obvious fact that they are slaves, are worthless, and are under a scrupulous ruler who controls their freedom. Moses takes this into consideration, he knows their pain. As he scans the crowd of dirty, worn-out, fearful faces he is reminded of one Truth however:
 
Aaron: But, Moses, didn't you see what happened? The priests did the same thing. Pharaoh still has the power over our lives.
 
Moses: Yes, Aaron, it's true. Pharaoh has the power. He can take away your food, your home, your freedom. He can take away your sons and daughters. With one word, Pharaoh can take away your very lives. But there is one thing he cannot take away from you: Your faith. Believe, for we will see God's wonders.
I love that right there. Sadly, though this quote is not present in the Bible, that is why I encourage you to read the book of Exodus. Note the fears from all the sides, see if they were rational or not.

"One caught a glimpse of her.
   "OH MY! ARGHHHH! GRA!!" Scrambled one to his feet-or as Maria would describe, flew up.
She wasn't surprised by his reaction, but was more taken back by his appearance.
  "I say inn onez nema, wo iz uu?!"
This breathtaking, extravagant creature spoke. They were not ugly as she would have guessed-not even a smidge of terror dressed them! Instead they were clothed in what appeared as marvelous, dazzling white robes. Huge and magnificent they were. But fear provoking they were not. 
  "SPEAK! ORZ YAH NOT BEEE SPARED!" said another.
Drawing swords and shinning armor, they all three rose in splendor. It penetrated her mind and in a split second she shivered from the glory.
  "Okay. Okay. We can stop with this act, this is my dream and I'm the boss..Let's see...do a change with the whole barf look and put some roses over there.." Marie started pointing to direct scenery in what she believed to be fake.
  "KA! Roses!"
  "Thez onne iz nott of here" Whispered one Maria assumed was Ssenneknurd.
He was somehow the boss of the other two she gathered by the way he orchestrated their display. All that could be seen underneath their sparkling and lavishly white robe's hood was a pitiful, dark mouth. Round, rotten, and black.
  "Are we nnot a beautiful zight fourrr uz?" Said the one on the left.
  "Whatz ar uz anywayz?" Said the one the right.
  "SPEAK." Commanded Ssenneknurd.
  "Arez uz a demon?"
  "No, shez nott, Etah." Answered Ssenneknurd.
  "Demon! Why no I am not a tormenting, defying demon! Wow, this is one abnormal dream...must of bumped my head somewhere..." Maria consciously rubbed her head.
  "DREAM!?" Hysterically questioned the one on the left.
  "SHH, SEIL!" Scowled Etah.
  Ssenneknurd ascended a lil closer, "Dream? Aww....no wez feast onnnz dreams."
She could have sworn she say a glimpse of a human face under his robe, but it was only faintly. 
  "Yeees, I'llz putz ur prec-ious mind aaahts ease."
  As they continued closer, a chilling feeling crawled upon Maria's heart and for some odd reason the thoughts of last night's suicidal thoughts swept back into her memory. But she was still in bed, wasn't she?
  "Strange onnne, youz do nott dream this hour. Annnd yet, uz nottt truly awake-ened."
  "Nevvver thee les, iz nott our job to giva either!" Spit Seil.
After each stroke of their words, it did seem very much to Maria's comprehension that the ground became a little more slimier and the stench a little more fouler. 
  "I don't understand. None of this can be true! You're flying for heaven's sake!"
 "Ahhhz Mak er stop! Mak er stop!" Covered Etah's ears.
 "Shee wantz the Truth." Smirked the middle.
The others immediately started bickering on how this was a bad idea and why, but Ssenneknurd simply held out his hand up and silenced them. His long rob must have covered his hand because Maria only say a wisp.
  "Nottt all whoz haz eyes can cee, not all who has earz can hear."..."

Recently, my coworker presented me with a verse that I would like to share with you over these topics. I encourage you to read the whole chapter.

Psalm 56:4

New International Version (NIV)
    In God, whose word I praise—
in God I trust and am not afraid.
    What can mere mortals do to me?
 
 
  • What does that mean/look like to you?
It was encouraging to me to remember this Truth. What can mere mortals do to me? No one can do what God can do. Remember that. People can do some pretty horrific things, and situations can produce outrageous amounts of anxiety, but no one compares to God. Man can destroy body, claims the Word. But only God can destroy the soul. Why do you treble so? Why do you worry? If you are a child of the Creator (which you are), you have NOTHING TO FEAR.
 
Really.
Nothing.
Ever.
Really. 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Thursday, June 27, 2013

The Burning Christian

What to do when the church has lied, abandoned, or mistreated you?
How to confront your brother or sister in Christ who is living in sin?
How to move on from sexual abuse from ministry leaders?
Where to decipher where the Truth begins and the lies end from the pulpit?
How to respectively not talk ill-y of leaders and pastors who have done wrong, but yet hold them respectively responsible?
How to tell a community not to go to a specific church?
How to properly heal from being letdown, even years after the incident or incidents have happened?
How to have faith in God who's followers are despicable?
What to say to your offenders when they greet you like nothing has ever happened?

The list could go one. It is not like I have complete answers to them either.
I hear it everywhere I go. From my family, friends, strangers, and in my head.
And how could you possibly have an answer?
The same could be said for a thousand other things as well, where's the answer?
Rape, murder, abuse, slavery.
Are these crimes worse when committed by a said to be "holy" person?
Why?
Because we have established in our heads that this person is set apart based on what they have said or done?
Oh no, that is not it?
Oh because this person has "an anointing from "god" and a lot of people follow them"?
My pain does not go away no matter who you are.

So what gets me through? What is to get us through?
Too many times have I listened to these anguishes from loved ones & this soul within: "just give up."
And I have watched many give up, give up on churches, give up on pastors and spiritual leaders, and doctrines.
Surprisingly however, not one of those people who have given up on the established church have given up on Jesus.
Who or what is this Jesus?

"I know there is something out there, there has to be." "He has always been there for me." "God is god who outlasts them all" I hear and sing. How's come?

I am not going to post any scripture, I am not going to tell you what to believe or who to believe. I think you already know the truth and you have the choice to seek answers or not.
I think the most harmful thing a person can do who has seen such devastation is just sit there.

Have you seen the movie Bruce Almighty? It is a 3.0 on my 5 point movie scale. But it has some intriguing quotes that I would like to share and leave for you to contemplate. These are from "God" in response to Bruce's final remarks after giving up everything:
"That's your problem, Bruce. That's everybody's problem. You keep looking up."

What if the answers are right in front of you or in you?

Now, some Christians might be mad that I wrote that and honestly, it is slightly against what I believe. But I encountered some pretty low moments for several weeks a month or so ago and the thing that pulled me through was a reminder of something I had, something in me. As a Christian, that is God's Holy Spirit. I had completely forgotten-how silly of me!
That Spirit is something much stronger than my strength, much more powerful than my might, much more wiser than my knowledge.
As a Christ-follower I believe God's Spirit is all around, always working, always speaking to believers and non.

You don't need to go to church to learn that, just a mirror.


 





Friday, June 21, 2013

Your Heart on my Lips

vrs 1
I will dance
I will sing
to my Heavenly King

to the One who reigns
and rescues me-
out of everything

chorus
You are my King
You stand through Eternity
Lifted up & lifted high
how I'll love you
with my life

vrs 2
We are One
& You are True
no more skies that are just blue

You are mine
& I am Yours
now that the veil is torn apart
come speak to me
& resurrect the Light of Truth

refrain

bridge
Love, Love, Love
came down & opened my eyes
Peace on earth & in my life
Love, Love, Love
break the status quo-
You are the Only one-
the Only One I must know