"My Child, Jealousy Has To Leave."-God

The other day as I spoke to a friend on the phone, I felt my eyes start to well-up and all of a sudden my throat couldn't make out the words. 

"I've been struggling with jealousy," I confessed to her. "I have met this new person and...well...we have a lot in common...I just feel like she is who I could have been."

Who I could have been.

Who I should be.

What I was not.

I had to wipe the tears off my face.

I hadn't realized how big of a thing this was until I finally confessed it.

You see I have recently met this beautiful, young, talented woman who is doing what I would love to be doing. Not only that, but she's humble, gentle, fun, and passionate. As much as I "saw myself in her" (with the similarities being in our stories and charisma) I saw much of her that I was not. 

"If only I hadn't done this or that..." statements began to creep into my mind and heart like venom. "If only...if only...if only..."

I started regretting where I had been, 
                                              the things I have done, 
                                                                        the things I have seen and said.

As time makes my body older and weaker, I am sure I will have more moments like these to face. How joyous! 

The question of, "How many of you have ever felt this way?" doesn't even need to be asked.

Jealousy. Envy. Self-Piety. Regret. We're all familiar with them.

Their voices are powerful. Making you stop dead in your tracks. Making you question your worth. Making you bound to lies instead of the truths...

The truth.

So what was the Truth in my case? 

Here is the gem: God had never left me nor forsaken me (Hebrews 13:5, Deut. 31: 8)

But, how does this help me at this particular moment? 

It reminds me of God's providence which says all things are from Him, nothing has escaped His attention, and how He works all things for His glory. His allowing certain things to happen was not for the outcome of evil nor does He ever take pleasure in harm. He is a good God and in Him is no darkness. He is love and desires all to come to repentance. (Psalm 107, Romans 8: 28, Ezekiel 18:32, 1 John 1:5, 1 John 4: 7-10)  

My whole life has been in God's care whether I have always acknowledged that or not (Colossians 1:16-17). Where I have been, He was there. Where I go, He'll be there.No thought, word, or deed that I have done surprised Him. All of the days of my life He had already written (Psalm 139).

I must come to see who God is before I can see clearly who I am.

God is not a liar, He makes no mistakes. 

When He created the world and everything in it He declared it "good." (Genesis)

Now there is no mistaking that my and other's sin have screwed up everything. (reference: Genesis and life). 

But I can with these truths now look at my new beautiful, young friend and say to myself:

"Samantha, your life has been and is just as important as hers. Your story and journey was not a mistake, although short-comings have been made. The good, bad, and ugly have made you who you are but you are still God's handiwork (Ephesians 2:10). Your life is beautiful and you are right where you are meant to be-that is with an open posture to the God who loves you. Move forward not to imitate another human, but to conform to the image of Christ Jesus, God's son (Romans 8:29)."

Jealousy says, "I wish I had her life."
The Holy Spirit tells me, "Your life is in Christ (Colossians 3:3), Yahweh has perfecting timing for all things (Ecclesiastes 3), and directs your steps (Proverbs 16)."

Envy says, "I want her characteristics."
The Holy Spirit tells me, "Glorify Yahweh for the good you see is from Him and for Him. Yield to me and you too will see the fruit." (Matthew 5:14-16, John 15, Galatians 5: 22-26)

Self-Piety says, "Woe is me for I am not successful."
The Holy Spirit tells me, "Please Yahweh not man (Ephesians 5:8-10). This is success: to be found rich in Christ (2 Corinthians 8:9). In me, you can do and be these things (2 Peter 1:3)."

Regret says, "I feel terrible for the things I have done."
The Holy Spirit tells me, "Yahweh's grace is sufficient for you (2 Corinthians 12:9). If you confess, He is faithful to forgive and cleanse you (1 John 1:9). Worldly sorrow leads to death, but Godly sorrow leads to life (2 Corinthians 7:10)."  

So there is a lot of self-talk, a lot of listening to the right voices, and a lot of reading to meditate on.

If you are stuck on comparing yourself to others today, I encourage you to hear the voice of Love instead. 

God is love and with His love, you can properly love yourself. For in this love there is no condemnation, but there is a reality check. In this love, there is no fear but rather hope. In this love, there is no envy for you will have a cup that runneth over of peace and joy. (Psalm 23)