My True Face

There is nothing worse than being reminded of or being aware of the wrong you have done. There's nothing worse than having to sit in that hole of regret, shame, and self-hatred. No one likes to be told they are wrong, but more than that, no one wants to admit "I am bad."

Now, I know there is a flaw here. Like we have discussed before, the philosophy of mankind is not a matter of being good nor bad. But rather we are broken. We are capable of good and bad things; yet, those good thing will always fall short of the actual definition of "good" and those bad things will always out weigh the good.

So where is the hope?

Have you recently been reminded of your flaws, your failures, your short-comings?

I certainly have.

It's like that scene in Lion King 2: Simba's Pride where Kiara says: "You will never be Mufasa!" We, not only as Christians, but as humans, desire to be great...flawless...perfect but we never will be.

I am currently reading this book called Truefaced by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol, & John Lynch. It's exactly what the title encapsulates-showing your true face. But it's also mainly about our "true face" being found in the identity God gives us through Jesus.

The thing about having a relationship with God, if you haven't discovered already, is that He flips everything upside down. What do I mean?

Matthew 10:39-Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my (Jesus) sake will find it.

Colossians 2:17-These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ.

John 14:27-Peace I (Jesus) leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Thus,

1.  We have all come to the realization that there is more to this life we currently live, but we have also discovered that "climbing the top of the success ladder" actually leads you to a deep, dark, empty pit. There then needs to be a surrender. A surrender of our expectations and our wants. It's a waving of a white flag so to speak, falling on your hands & knees everyday (sometimes every minute) crying the words "I can't do this."
2. What we really want are actual needs. And those needs are not money and fame. It is security and attention. We have all come to discover that no one (or thing) in our life will ever satisfy those needs 100% 24/7.
3.  Jesus gives you something no one (or thing) can ever take away. Not only what He gives you cover all of your needs, but His blessings are so abundant that they flow into defining our every want.

I am concluding my reading of the Gospel according to Mark and here we are again at Jesus's sacrifice. I caught myself saying either this week that "there is nothing worse than reading what Jesus did for me during a time in my life where I am so reminded of my short-comings." But the truth is, there is nothing more beautiful than reading what God did for me when I did not deserve it.

People often see me as a "goody-two-shoes." But those people are just the ones not in my inner circle. If they were, they would see a selfish, prideful, lying, sexually immoral person. I like to think that I am completely honest with people and that I don't wear a mask. But I am just like everybody else. There is nothing different about me. I am that person who in front of her friends shuns any media that incorporates sexual content, but behind closed doors reveals everything to strangers on chat websites. I am that person who is quick to correct a Christian found swearing, but here I sit in complete hate of another individual...often imagining physical abuse upon them. I am that person who encourages loving the Lord your God with all your heart, soul & mind; but I am the person who struggles with re-occuring depression & painstaking loneliness.

I have hurt so many people...even in those instances that I thought I was only hurting myself. And often times, Jesus becomes just another person in the sea of faces of disappointment. 

Romans 5:8-But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

If you're anything like me, too many times I rest on that last part and not the full sentence. I see myself as a "sinner" rather than "loved." 

In the book Truefaced, they make an emphasis on the fact that we as Believers are not "sinners saved by grace" but rather "saints who sometimes sin." 

How can this be? How can a saint sin? 

Well, it goes back to our misinterpretation of the word saint. Read Ephesians 2:1-10 

Galatians 3:26-27-So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.

I was challenged by someone to say those negative things about myself out loud and pretend I am saying it to someone I deeply love. The goal was/is to come to the realization that you are your own worse critic and that if you would never say those words to another, you shouldn't to yourself. 

This may work with some people, but not for me. 

We did this activity in church a few weeks ago where we wrote down all those negative comments we or others say about us and throw them in the trash where they were eventually burned. We then picked up a card that said our "true identities" as per written in the New Testament. This activity was nothing new to me, but still impactful none the less. 

But why is it that here I am again battling to not cut myself over the guilt I have over who I am? 

You might not cut yourself, but maybe drinking is your go to to "feel better" or "forget."

2 Corinthians 7:10-Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.

"That's why Jesus came...because of that...Don't hate yourself because you are a mess without Him. There is nothing that you can do about that. Just embrace that you have His grace, love and mercy." -my beloved friend, Brittany Jordan.

Click and listen to Jon Foreman 's "Your Love is Strong" and spend some time in your Father's presence.