Love

Black & White

Who Am I?

Do you ever evaluate what you need versus what you want? I don't know why, but I have been on this kick in my self-evaluation times consistently wrestling with this concept...

need

want

Maybe this came about from the fact that as American's we get more than what we need all the time and then, the consequence becomes that we start to believe that some of our wants are actual needs.

What do I mean? Well, just take a look around your room. What do you see? I see my orange tabby cat snuggled up in my Star Wars fleece blanket on top of my 1000 count yellow bed sheets. I see a variety of hair products on top of my 60's furnished dresser that has been poorly painted with glossy black paint-the poor paint job was done from me of course.

So what in those brief descriptions are/were wants? How about needs?

We rationalize and soon my answers become: well, my cat is a need because I need someone to keep me company (and listen to me talk to myself), my Star Wars blanket is a need because it keeps me warm in this freezing basement, my numerous hair products are needs because I have coarse, thick, dry hair...and so on.

How do any of these things relate to love? Well, I love those things. However, our terminology for love is so black and white, when indeed it comes in many colors. The Greeks in fact had six definitions for love:

Yet, this isn't typically listed in our needs list. Those needs instead just being "food, safety, and shelter."

Did you know that this is just an abbreviation of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs?  

 

And did you know this psychology was developed (I should say stolen) from the Native American Culture?

If "food, safety, and shelter" is an abbreviation of our needs-how far off we have become!

Makes you ponder what else are we "abbreviating" and thus, missing some key points doesn't it?

Let's check out some scripture: Ecc. 3

Staying on the topic of love, how many of you think there is a right or wrong time for "love"? Or right and wrong thing to love? Why or why not?

How does one know that "right time"? Their time? Does it come about with a specific age, after a special event, when you say you are ready, when certain stars align, when your internal clock says so? When? Why? Who? and How?

I don't know about you, but it seems like the collective thought is that after you graduate college and between the time you make that big career move, you are suppose to settle down...find that perfect person...that soul mate...and settle down. Then, only then have you reached the pinnacle of this life.

However did you take time to really read Ecclesiastes 3? Or did you shorten it like we typically do and just say: "oh that's the 'time for everything' chapter?"

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."-verse 11

Sometimes I think, "God, it's either now or never!" And God reminds me of

"...With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day..."-2 Peter 3: 8b

Then other times I think, "God, I know this is the one!" And God reminds me of

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps."-Proverbs 16: 9

And if I do not think those thoughts, then I most certainly think, "God, you don't know what you are doing." And once again, God reminds me of

“Who is this that obscures my plans

   with words without knowledge?"-Job 38

So we demolish the physiological  rung by this simple faith:

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding."-Proverbs 9:10

And the safety rung by this fact:

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."-Psalm 46:1

Do you really think you are managing this "love" thing all by yourself?

Perhaps, it is not circumstances and situations that stand in your way...but rather yourself.

I would challenge you to read my "I'm always thinking about who I'll get married to." Post

Maybe "the stars are aligned"", the timing is absolutely perfect, and God has miraculously placed in your lap the man/woman of your dreams...but you...you can't....

You can't for several reasons, but we both know that the root of that "can't" stems from a past of broken or tainted love. You didn't feel like you belonged then...and you don't feel like you belong now.

Growing up I was always afraid of my crushes...I hated for them to know how I felt...and a part of me still does. Why? Where did this originate?

...The fear of being known. The fear of being vulnerable. The fear of rejection...

It could very much have stemmed from my broken home-life.

But another thought occupies me as well and that thought being: I am not good enough.

I think about the individuals I have been attracted to either physically, emotionally, or spiritually and I think: they would look better with so and so...they need so and so...they don't want me.

My justification ironically all lie in external factors: my body isn't thin, my hair isn't straight, & my skin isn't white.

Why would they ever take notice in me? Why would they ever want to be with me? Why would they ever want to know me?

Well, you know if I have used scripture for the first two "needs" I am going to use it again. Although, I know that just quoting something doesn't change anything; rather it is you who have the power to allow it do its work.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."-1 John 4

The verses preceding this one tells us exactly what is love...and when it came/comes.

Did you catch it?

So instead of saying what I am not, I need to start saying what I am (referring to my last blog post).

There is nothing more beautiful to me than reading the words in Song of Solomon when the expression given to one another is "my brother...my sister." Their love went deeper than just a physical touch. It was something spiritual. Dwelling in who God is, trusting what the Holy Spirit is doing, and resting in who Jesus says you are is what we all need. That person you "want" then will essentially be a reflection of that "need." But please, please do not post about having that perfect person that will complete you for eternity, because (I'm sorry, not sorry to say) that person will never come.

It all begins with taking care of yourself.