A Letter to All Those Who Have

Dear Those Who Have,

Greetings from close or far away; from another who has and does.

Growing up in church or in a strict Christian home, you were told not to have sex until you were married. You've been told all these things about sex, maybe things like "sex is bad."
I am sorry.
You've been lied to and deceived.
In the efforts in trying to protect you, someone has just made you more fearful...or in the opposite case, more rebellious.
If you're like me or like the rest of humankind, you want to do what you were told not to do. It's in our nature.
What is also in our nature is to be physically intimate with someone-to have sex.
This is how you were made! This is how your parents were made!
There is nothing about sex that is bad.
In fact, everything God creates and gives is good. And we can not talk about sexuality without talking about spirituality. I recommend reading the book Sex God by Rob Bell.
But, that is not the jest of this letter.
The jest of this letter comes from the look of one teenage girl's face as an adult explains to her what premarital sex does.
I see my heart reflected on her face...in her eyes...
I know that without words, she is saying, "But I have already had sex."
I just sat there watching and listening to this conversation.
The typical imagery I was given in my youth group days is brought up-
"It's like if you glued too pieces of paper together...and then, tried separating them after that bond...you will take all those experiences with you into marriage and it will be all this extra baggage for you to carry."
I saw the young girl's eyes start to faintly swell.

With every bad news there needs to be a good news.
And honey, how I wanted to gently grasp your young face, look you in those deep big  blue eyes and say these words:

"But know this, my love! You are not alone! You are not "used goods"! You are not damaged or outcasted! Your feelings and emotions are not wrong; you are experiencing what everyone else does. You crave and want what we all want! Do not be afraid; do not be ashamed! God does not punish you! He loves you sooooooooo sooooo very much! He only asks that you wait until marriage because He knows what sex is really about, what it really does. You see, sex isn't just a physically thing. It's wrapped up in emotions and something spiritual we simply can not fully explain. He doesn't want you to hurt or to feel the pain that comes with not being with the person He created you to actually be "one" with. Your body is a temple; a treasure to be cherished and honored! You are worth more than gold! Don't let anyone take that away from you! But know we, I, have been there. That even when you do have sex before "love has so desired", know that God loves you the same as He did yesterday! We ask that you be wise, use protection...For sexual immorality is not a sin against God but against your very body instead. This means that STDS are possible and very prevalent. We, those who love you, don't want you to experience such things. We don't want to see you suffer. Sex was created to bring happiness, not sorrow. Sex is meant to be the accumulation of the love already begotten, not the definition or foundation of love itself. God is love, know this and foremost. He knows your wants and needs. Trust in His promises-that He has a great future for you. And my love, even in those moments when you let go of those Truths, know they never let go of you! Physical virginity may have been taken, but with God your mind can be renewed. If you want to surrender this and allow God to do something greater with it other than just a one night stand, know it will be counter-cultural and hard. But again, know you are not alone! Together we can and will do this. Because it's not that sex isn't a want, it's because our want to follow what God has said (about us & sex) is greater."

I'm so glad that the lady who spoke to this young girl in reality was honest and said that she had not waited until marriage. We need more honest "church people."

So lift up your chin all those who have been there and done that. There are no judgements. There is no shame. Together we gather our broken hearts and wounded spirits.

The ground at the foot of the cross is level always and forever.

Sincerely,
One Who Has