Christianity Can Be Cultish Part 3

 Language, Attire, & Othering

"It all goes down to language; you just have to know what to listen for."

-Cultish by Amanda Montell

Every group has a unique way of communicating. We echo each other inside a chamber. From language to symbols, art to dress we create mini versions of those we idolize. Groups provide the community, stability, and protection our species needs. Montell repeats what numerous sociologists have said before her: we are social beings; we are wired for community. 

It takes a brave and wonderous mind to step outside of their box to ask: But does this all make sense? Does it matter? What is truth?

Recently I have been listening to the call-in show The Line or The Atheist Experience on YouTube. The Theist callers remind me of myself. The show has made me more aware of how a belief system, such as Evangelical Christianity, can be illogical. 

It makes sense that humans gravitate towards groups, but the group can not be the end-all-be-all. We can not lose our self of individualism if we only have one life to live. We can deconstruct this "cultish by nature" or fear of alienation, as the author notes, by examining the language used.

"With words, we breathe reality into being."

Montell highlights three ways cults use language: 

1. omission
2. distortion
3. lies

Callers and I claimed that faith is greater or "in a different realm" than logic. However, faith defined by the Holy Bible is "confidence in what we hope for and assurance in what we do not see." (Heb.11:1). We willing accept, praise, admire, and preach blind faith. Faith is nothing more than a wish. It lacks evidence and clings to smoke. 

I was drowning in Theism and wanted everyone along with me. Here is just a small example of how our language was different: Pouring It Out Like Salt. Terms like, "in my heart," "in the Word," and "tempted" were also common. In my experience, Evangelical Christianity flips the script and is proud of it. They are proud to see the world in a "different light"-we'd even sing songs about being "in the Light" (i.e. Jesus). 

But like a lot of religions, they omit the fact that faith is not logic, distort the importance of it, and lie that it will save you from eternal punishment. 

Faith was my everything; here's another post to explain how important it is in Christianity -Faith Culture. Faith is the foundation built on the sand, not the rock.

It is because of faith that we believed that we were to be holy as God is holy. We revealed this in dress as well. The language from Purity Culture stings just as much as its practices and principles. Clothing couldn't be flashy, revealing, short, or tight. No bra straps, cleavage, upper thigh, and god, forbid any ass to show! I once came to a crux with this doctrine when my doctor told me I needed to start letting my breasts breathe due to a rash buildup. How are people with big boobs supposed to fit into this box? 

Dress is meant for you to stand out just as much as it is made to make you fit in. Depending on the sect of Christianity one is from you can find attire that is as strict as the Amish to the casual, hip youth leaders with ripped jeans. Special clothing and designs can be seen from the roots of Judaism to seasonal garbs of the Pegan holidays. In my Lutheran Church, we had to wear long white robes with tassels. In Baptist churches, I had to make sure I wore the best of the best because we were taught that's what God deserved, especially in His house. When I volunteered at churches in Kentucky, we had to wear long skirts and shirts with sleeves.

Clothing brands you. Language controls you. Faith can harm you.

After the language and clothing are in place, it becomes much easier to "other" the rest of the world. I'm clean. You're not. I'm worthy. You're not. I'm saved. You're not. We are swept away from reality into a world we're made to believe is the Truth. We exchange our questions for unjustifiable answers and our individuality for a chance at Heaven.

My Mom despised the fact that I acted like I was better than everyone else because I didn't swear, gossip, curse, or get into trouble. Classmates outside my circle saw my church for what is was-just another cult. Inside the church I thought I was "trading my sorrows, trading my shame." Instead, I was laying myself down to die. Christianity boasts about crucifying the self because the flesh is corrupt and the soul is broken, but people need to know that this is just their language and is not reality.

I was a Christian for almost thirty years. It's hard to deconstruct your identity after so long, but it is so worth it. I believe in free speech, but tact. I believe in wearing what we want to wear but with respect to the occasion. If there is anything to take away from Christianity let it be: treat others how you wanna be treated, not brainwash them into your control. 

Petty

Has anyone ever called you petty?

Have you ever called anyone petty?

Like most people, it's easier for me to "dish it out" instead of "taking it." It's easier to point out someone else's pettiness than to look at our own. But if we're going to make the world a better place, we must always begin with as Michael Jackson once sang, "The Man in the Mirror" and not Tom Petty's "I Won't Back Down" right? But what if we are both? We might know that one person who's always complaining, but have we ever been the one who's been more "concerned with trivial things than what's important?"

I remember the first time my close friend called me petty..."It's been 84 years" since anyone's seen them now...jk jk 

Call it stubbornness or Hedonism, but I started pondering: What's wrong with being petty? Why is it even called that? What's its history? When did it start and why? 

Did you know that it means something totally different in the military? A Petty Officer in the Navy are comparable to a sergeant in the Army according to Google AI Overview.

From what I gathered from online dictionaries, it doesn't sound like a negative trait to have. Why wouldn't you want someone who cares so much about the little details when everyone else just sees the bigger picture? 

I discussed this with my friend this morning; in trying to come up with an example I had to laugh at how subjective the word even is! The same friend who had called me out for being petty over a work policy situation had taught me that words are descriptive, not prescriptive-they change because they are based on the culture and context. 

Culture and context is always key!

You see I always considered my Mom petty. She'd see that the dishes were dried with the wrong towel and thus, had to be rewashed; she'd see you got a C in P.E (from the P.E teacher being petty about the shirt you wore not being the perfect uniform) when every other class was an A. I hated these traits at the moment, but I hate (love) to say it...I thank her for some of that "pettiness" now. She knew that the wrong dish towel had germs. She knew I could do better. She knew I was smart. 

There is no doubt that I'm a spinning image of my mother regardless of how much I try to run away from it. Sometimes pettiness isn't just making a "mountain out of a mole hill;" it's paying closer attention.

I may be biased... But I think we need more petty people. 

Similar in relationships, I would say boundaries are key. Pick your battles. Examine yourself first, why is this (insert "petty" thing) such a big deal to me? What are the pros and cons to pursuing this conflict? 

Psychology courses have taught me to be less reactive to other's actions and more curious about their brain chemistry shaped by their surroundings. I think we should take this to heart before we call someone "petty." 

So...

• When was the last time you asked the person you call "petty" the reasons behind their actions?

Perhaps there needs to be dialogue instead of demonization, hmm? But where is the line drawn between being facetious and childish?

I had ripped down the "Hairnets & Gloves Are Required" paper sign from the office that faced my station. It had been an on and off again war with staff (me) and other managers (mainly just one of four kitchen managers). He was an ass in my (and others) opinion...But his enforcement had now been picked up by our department's new manager and despite not working with open food, here we were (in my opinion) wasting hairnets & gloves by having to wear them. I took out my frustration by dancing upon the now floor-bound signage only to be tormented by it again a few weeks later. But my mistake was telling my friend only my actions and not what lead up to it. Does that dismiss my actions? I don't think it was a big deal, but it depends who you ask.

My employer wanted to enforce hairnet and gloves rule regardless if we worked with open food all because we worked with vulnerable cliental. Our passive aggressiveness towards one another could have ended, I believe, if we all just sat down and talked it out. 

Before you point out the petty people, look at some of those fingers pointing back at you. Perhaps learning more about their point of view could be exactly what you needed to hear. And maybe, just maybe, you'll thank them for seeing something you hadn't! 

*image taken from Facebook repost

Christianity Can Be Cultish Part 2

"You know how much harm you have to cause to heal someone." -Forrest, The Atheist Experience 

Cults like to draw people in by appealing to their deepest desires-belonging, peace, confidence, love and so on. They offer a solution that has 'never been thought of before.' This is why no matter who you are, anyone can be fooled by a cult. A cult is defined not only by its beliefs being seperate from the current popular or large ones, but also by its isolation and new ways of thinking/living. It provides answers to our forever questions that can't be backed scientifically or logically. The purpose is to perpetuate the leader(s) ideology regardless of outside sources. 

This is in high contrast to science. Those who practice science are not the same as those who practice a religion-of which cults can sometimes fall under. Science involves multiple testing, peer review work, and is always open to criticisms and adjustments. Science is a continuation of learning, whereas, cults have a tendency to shut that down. Because of the culture cults create are so intertwined with an individual's identity it can seem like Plato's Allegory of the Cave is being performed before our very eyes. Science can alter lives for sure, both in negative (i.e bombs) and positive (i.e vaccines) ways. Science never claims to hold the meaning to life, but our knowledge in the fields of philosophy, psychology, and sociology can help us achieve a healthier future. 

Like in other tight knit groups, individuals in cults build deep bonds with the leader(s) and whom the leader(s) cherish. Emotional intimacy and in some cases, physical intimacy is established. The leader(s) is/are the  source of the group's joy and stability. The leader(s) know what say, when to say it, and how to say it (in some cases, their silence may speak for them). Followers are convinced to place boundaries against those whom they perhaps once trusted (i.e family and friends). This gives the leader(s) full access to control what their followers say, wear, and even act. The manipulation has brought the impressible brain to one of its lowest points in my opinion, and that is to forsake or be trained to hate one's individualism/humanity.

It's important to note that religions are not cults, but in extreme cases they can become one. Extremism in anything can have higher consequences than benefits. To the outside world religious fanatics are just that-extreme. But to those on the inside, it can feel like you're the only one who's found the lifeboat in this sinking ocean called life. When I was a Christian, I was taught:

1 Corinthians 1:18 (NIV)

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." 

And

Hebrew 6:4

"It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age and who have fallen away, to be brought back to repentance. To their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace." 

In addition to:

Matthew 4:7

"Jesus answered him (the devil), “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test." 

John 20:29b

"...blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

And last but not last, 

Hebrews 11:1

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." 

God-forbid (joke) someone read these verses out of context and apply them to their modern day doctrine.

Did you catch the language being used here? Do you see the conclusions that someone could draw?= Only we (the insiders) are wise/have the truth, only those who are/were truly "saved" remain faithful, and believe no matter what.

Cults teach the same thing. If you are more afraid of the consequences for asking questions and/or ever leaving your "faith," then that this a red flag. It's also a sign of an abusive relationship. 

In the extreme branch of Christianity I was in, with my own spin on the religion, and mixed with influencal people, I can now see how it taught me to stay in an unhealthy relationship. Not only are some Christian churches in the wrong for denying divorce and worse, blaming the victim and normalizing domestic violence/sexual assault situations, but their sermons, music, and studies can exhibit signs of emotionally abuse. Many Christians try but are unsuccessful in answering, "Why, if there is a god(s) does he/they allow bad things to happen." Shall we be reminded of Epicurus' quote? If the god I was taught exists, then as The Atheist Experience show likes to say, "He's an asshole." Even if somehow this "god" is stripped of their supernatural powers and still wanted to be my BFF (best friend forever), I'd be cautious. Instead the Christian god is all-powerful, all-knowing, all-present and we still have children with cancer. "But God loves you! Jesus died for you! He resurrected for you!" Is it wrong for me to ask prove it? 

Rather than just being a moral booster and mythological stories with lessons mixed with history, my (cultish) religion became my whole life. I literally went to an all girls retreat as a teenager called The Revolve Tour where we were challenged with: are our lives truly revolving around God?! Instead of honing in on math or science, which I enjoyed, I believed there was no greater job I could do than to tell others about Jesus. Jesus is the way, the truth, the life, the great Shepard, the wonderful counsel, the King of kings, the Lord of lords, my Savior, Lover, Best Friend, Husband, brother, teacher, mentor, idol... If I disobey, I recrucify him and cause the Holy Spirit to grieve. What kind of person am I to hurt the one person who did the impossible for me? This shame of wounding him that loved me so much to bear the horrors of the cross led me to self-harm, depression, and suicidal tendencies. I thought since I would never be rid of my sinful nature, it was better to just be with the Lord. Thankfully, like with Job & Jonah, I felt/believed God challenged me to stay alive. I had a mission after all! This is how we/I pleased Him-not by dying physically, but emotionally-and not just once but daily! "He must become greater and greater and I must become less and less." -John 3:30 was our goal, our mission, our identity and essentially our downfall. 

Picking up the pieces after shattering the religious identity is a process. Remember those days of old when you first embarked on the journey that led you into that cult. Your questions about the meaning of life and its value still exist; how are you going to respond to them? Remember how much time it took to be convinced that this cult was worth investing into? It's probably going to take double that amount of time to deprogram it all. Be gracious and patient with yourself. If you need help and community, here are some rad sources below:

Leaving Religion Org & Their Resources

The Atheist Experience

Some other sources based on topics mentioned: 

Handout

Anyone can be in cult

Cult psychology

History about cults

cult leader personalities

cults and religion

the book I'll be reading...

Signs of Emotional abuse

science and religion

science different from faith

example of Christian propaganda

Project Angel Fouls Part 8

I may only have a Bachelor's Degree studying non-profit management, fundraising, Philosophy, psychology, and Community Development, 

as well as, served most of my life in non-profits,

 but I still have more to learn! However, what I have witnessed at Project Angel Food has been unprofessional, unethical, and at times illegal from what I have learned. 

Here are all the examples (that I could think of) listed from bad to worse. For some, I have inserted links to brief research showing how this is a violation:

-employees not having gate/door access codes to the building upon hire forcing them to wait sometimes months 

-not enough secure lockers/space for all the employees

-HR firing an employee without informing or consulting the direct manager of that employee

-having a manager do employee reviews although they rarely interacted with those individuals throughout the year(s) 

-hiring an expensive union buster and having staff meetings where the CEO & HR said things like, "You'll lose all your benefits." "The Union only has its interest in mind." "The union fees are expensive." 

-having no parking for their 100 employees 

-having more than 100 clients per client services staff member

-having confusing food options (always changing something, supplier issues, forcing clients to take food they don't want/like, giving whole food with chopped food, giving too much sugar/salt, etc.)

-reconstructing new buildings for expansion project despite needing $8 million (and not adding a parking lot)

-moving work locations without having a clause in the handbook or offering incentives 

-for months served not fully cooked chicken that still had feathers attached

-despite the USDA defining red meat as beef and pork, the organization did not consider beef as red meat. This led to numerous clients receiving beef. When I spoke to our nutritionist, they said, 'that we've always done it this way, we only serve the cleanest cuts, and doctors don't mean zero red meat.

-a CEO forcing an employee to come to work on their day off just to move a vehicle 

-the use of personal cellphones for deliveries before receiving HIPAA training

-noting a client's gender on birthday bags 

-on the edge sexist dress code 

-having employees work outside their scope or job description for months without proper training or compensation 

-having open bar events on work premises while on the clock

-hiring a manager for a department that couldn't arrive at the start time and instead had an employee do opening duties without getting paid management pay

-HR changing shift and meal break times without properly informing everyone 

-HR failing to inform staff of a list of discounts and benefits around the city 

-HR entering their own contest that had cash prizes 

-continuing to have employed and then rehiring twice an employee who faked their COVID vaccination 

-continuing to have an employee with severe back pain and who could barely work, continue to work. Then the delay in responding to this employee faking their injuries (proof shown on camera) and continuing to allow them medical leave 

-HR telling an employee they needed them to work sooner than their surgery recovery time requested because we were short-staffed. When the employee mentioned why another employee wasn't rushed with their recovery time HR responded, "That was then, this is now." 

-HR firing an employee due to a racial joke heard from a bystander while only suspending another for a racist comment reported by the victim 

-denying Father's maternity leave when the handbook (printed 3/2013) does not specify the parent's gender/role in taking time off for newborn 

-a manager who admits coworkers are too comfortable (being unprofessional) yet has said "glad (new supervisor) is here so I don't have to put up with your shit," jokes about coworkers being ugly, jokes about starting a fight with coworkers outside, has poured a container of Cheerios on a coworker while "playing" around

-a coworker of 2 years who has repeatedly made sexual jokes (guys wearing girl underwear, guys being queer, what he's going to do with his lady), is immature (retaliates to any type of correction, makes dismissive comments, backhanded statements), and has numerous conflicts with coworkers (so much so the person moved positions) never receiving discipline or training. I personally have heard this person say to someone inquiring about the organization, "Just lie and say you're mentally ill. They'll help you." 

-a manager responding with, "Are you autistic?" when I asked if I could organize papers.

-delaying in mechanical fixes to company vehicles which has led to numerous safety violations (doors not closing properly, sensors beeping nonstop, wipers not working, blinkers not working, gas cover missing, front plates missing) and health problems (heat exhaustion due to broken AC, tendonitis do to not knowing how to close broken door properly).

-HR trying to implement a point penalty system where even if there are public transit issues, you would be punished

-HR having me fill out papers for their lawyers about my long-term disability application that I had already been having deducted from my check and not informing me that I could get declined. I was declined and not reimbursed.

-HR ignoring several attempts of me reaching out about applying my short-term disability benefits, leading me to think everything was taken care of, only to find out on the day I would have gotten a check that I had paperwork to do outside of the company to get paid. HR literally said, "I can't be expected to answer every email." and on the day I finally got the information said, "Well, I'm helping you now."

-HR telling me that since there was a glitch in the computer that allowed a third floating holiday, that I only get one this year despite this revoking the Cesar Chavez Holiday benefit. 

-HR denying to pay out or transfer the enormous acquired sick/vacation time one coworker had from our previous pay app

-HR finally rewarding me 8 hours (equivalent to one Floating Holiday) but giving me 90 days to use it

-HR telling an employee who was injured in a work accident that their doctor's note for days off included the employee's already scheduled days off (i.e the weekend)

-not having a HIPAA IT training and acknowledgment before giving employees use of company cell phones with client information

-not having locks on employee company cell phones which have access to client information 

-went thirty years without having employees sign for the release of or know that their full name, picture, and job position were posted on the company website

-a CEO residing also as the head of the Board 

-CEOs dating employees

-a CEO screaming and accusing an employee of failure, embarrassing them during a team meeting 

-a manager verbally assaulted (yelling & accusing) a staff member, using vulgar language (like fuck) and made this coworker feel too intimated to report them

-a manager who said, "Dance for me and I'll give you a dollar." Three dollars are actually still taped to a wall from when a staff member shook her breasts for that manager

-a manager giving elaborate gifts and having personal/sexual conversations with two staff members 

-delaying the termination of a manager who was having intimate relations with two staff members 

-giving severance pay to the sexual abuser when they were fired 

-not reporting the physically abusive threats and severe harassment conducted by the sexual abuser upon two staff members, only because the perpetrator was just fired

-not reporting the sexual assault of a minor

I propose an operations shutdown so PAF can focus on leadership and team restructuring. I think the building project should be put on hold until our house is in order and funds are secure. Until HR is held responsible for their actions and PAF brings justice to its workers, I'm afraid this is sayonara for me.

Project Angel Fouls Part 7

 As a student of both psychology and philosophy, I pay a lot of attention to the whys. Working at Project Angel Food, a well-known Los Angeles nonprofit, has made me realize they operate from a “the end justifies the means” point of view. You may have heard this phrase before, but what does it mean? In my Philosophy classes, I learned this is a logical fallacy (invalid, flawed, error-filled) found in political Consequentialism. Linguistically, Affirmating the Consequences assumes the ending or result of something while also ignoring interferences. In syllagim form it looks like this: if A then B, it’s B therefore A.

For example: recently PAF is having a conflict with my Cesar Chavez Holiday benefit. Our Employee committee voted to have an extra Floating Holiday (8 hrs of basically vacation) on top of our already given one for the year. Thus, every employee would have 16 Floating Holiday hours. However, despite working on the Federal Holiday (my regularly scheduled day) I was informed that I only have 8 hrs of Floating hours because last year there was a glitch that didn’t put a cap on my Floating Holidays resulting in a -8 hrs this year. Despite this being their error and the fact that on my end it shows no request for this third Floating Holiday, they replied “At least you got paid” and “Legally businesses don’t have to give you Holiday benefits.” If (A) you got paid, then (B) you got your holiday benefit. It's (B) therefore (A). 

They are ignoring the fact that the pay app constantly has errors and that a holiday benefit is yearly. This can lead to a circular argument.

If (A) you used three Floating Holidays last year and you're only allowed two a yr, then (B) you only get 8 hours this year. It’s (B) therefore (A).

Again they're ignoring Federal Holiday "rules" to pay me less.

Another example: In our last Dispatch meeting our Supervisor addressed the ever-present problem of staff conflicts. She called it pride since we weren’t working as a team and to “just help.” She said we shouldn’t ask if it’s within our parameters/scope/department/wants; “we’re here to work so work.” If (A) the staff are not getting along, then (B) it’s their primary fault. It’s (B) therefore (A).

This assumes the problem is one-sided and easy to fix.

 If (A) staff just work as a team then (B) there will be less complaints. It's (B), therefore (A)!

This assumes that if staff just do this one thing, everything will get better. As well as ignoring that our complaints aren't about team members. Work culture is created top down.

It makes sense that a business would operate in such a way that they are not to blame. It makes sense that a business would justify their ways if it meant making (or keeping) their status (money and power). However, as stated above (and in previous posts), this is a nonprofit. We are for the people, made by the people. PAF time and time again seems to battle this ethical question: who’s important- the clientele, the volunteers, or the staff? When the answer is everyone; however, if the net is weak how will it be a good support? Yes, we serve a very ill clientele. Yes, we need to stay open because hunger never ends. But this does not diminish, rather demands the rights of workers. We need to be constantly reminded of our value just as much as being reminded of our mission.

The logical argument against our flawed one is dennying the consequence: A, then B. It's not B, therefore not A (Modus Tollens) Simply put, it is a logical argument based on deduction and noting the conditionals in either one or both premises. It uses the rule of Inferences. Remember correlation does not mean causation! 

If we run this through our two examples without first filter of benefiting profit over people we would change the argument possibly like this:

1. If (A)all Federal holidays are honored by PAF, there (B) is a benefit for Caser Chavez of +8 Floating holiday hrs by PAF. If there's no (B) benefit given for Cesar Chavez; therefore, not (A).
   

I am the only I have found having this problem so far. But others has expressed lost vacation and sick hours which runs in the same system.

2. If (A) the staff are properly equipped and supported with their conflicts, there would be less meetings about not working as a team. If there's no (B) decline in meetings about working as a team; therefore, not (A).

Just telling someone to do something doesn't imply they know how to do it. Although we would want to hire healthy employees, we can't be sure of people's coping mechanisms until the moment arrives. As leaders, will we model the teamwork we expect?

I have studied Principles in Nonprofits, Multicultural Issues in Human Services, Research Methods for Human Services, History of Modern Philosophy, Community Change in Human Services, Multicultural Psychology, and Philosophy of Social Work. I know some things I fear they should have known. We all need to continue to learn and grow. I’ve learned that I can’t trust management at my job. I’ve learned that for PAF, “as long it takes” translates to “by whatever means it takes.” This might seem great, but it’s full of brokenness like the internal fallacies they’ve given sway to. So long story short, I’ve decided to go back to school in hopes of one day taking over my HR’s job…Do you think they’ll cover some of my cost? (It’s in the handbook.)

*For information on this logical fallacy here are some resources to better explain

Affirming the Consequences Video

Critical Thinker

Logical Thinking

Validity and Soundness

Project Angel Fouls Part 6

 Happy A(ngel) Fools!

As a tribute to this joke-filled day known as April Fools, I thought we could bring to light all the times Project Angel Food has brought tears to our eyes.

Let’s start with the relatively recent investigation conducted by attorney Drew L. Alexis. Mr. Alexis was hired by PAF’s Board of Directors after I wrote an email about concerns with Human Resources and the CEO. The concerns addressed but not limited to were-

• HR not assisting employees in understanding insurances/benefits

• HR implementing new policies or changes without properly informing all staff

• Using photos (for years) without people’s written consent

• Using employee’s first and last name (for years) on their website without employee knowledge

• HR delaying for half a year in giving two employees proper compensation for doing management duties i.e. Inventory, merchant purchasing, conducting discipline (one of which is still not getting paid)

• HR allowing severance pay to a fired employee who had sexual interactions with a minor volunteer-this same employee also threatened a staff member through texting which was never taken seriously (none of this was taken to the police)

• HR delaying the termination of a manager who was having inappropriate relations with two employees, verbally abused someone, and sexually harassed another by offering a dollar if they “danced for him.” 

• HR lacking the tools to de-escalate situations which lead to police being called several times to escort employees

• HR not informing department managers about the termination of their own employees

• HR showing favoritism by firing one person but suspending another for similar issues 

• A CEO who bluntly disrespects their workers 

• And a CEO who makes more financially than what is reasonable

It should come to no one’s surprise that only some of these were found to be “substantiated,” but all of “those facts did not give rise to a policy or legal violation.” I may not know all the laws, but I’m pretty sure the consent thing is a big one. Interviews were only done with some employees and of course Mr. Alexis never interviewed the two people who had physical proof of wrongdoing. It was all dubiously carried out in my opinion. The interviews were sometimes conducted while staff were under management’s eye. I had a coworker directly tell me that they were afraid of what to say since they knew their boss could hear. 

Let’s continue being humored, shall we:

• PAF continues to have errors in their computer systems causing there to be lost benefit hours and pay. Perhaps their auditor since 2017, Windes, could give them a helping hand…or even the new tech-savvy manager they hired in dispatch who seems to be adding more duties to their job description than originally stated (the other joke is that their job didn't come with a written out duty list)

• PAF continues to use vans whose doors have been so busted that sensors beep unceasingly while you drive or just fling open if you don't close them "right;" thus, causing fruit and meals to spill out.

• Our Dispatch Supervisor had assumed that all we needed was Clorox wipes for our vans, but after months of working there she finally entered a van to see the grotesque interior. She immediately hired a professional cleaning crew. 

• It was announced at our recent meeting that PAF offers tremendous discounts through a program giving us deals in electronics, movies, gyms, therapy, etc. This has been around much longer than anyone knew, but this was the first time HR was forced…I mean asked… to send us the information

• A recent coworker got into a very bad accident while on duty on a Friday and was told to come back to work from HR that following Monday. HR even argued with the employee’s doctor note that said they needed at the very least three days off. HR told the employee that those days included their weekend.

• That same coworker had major surgery last year and was relentlessly asked to work sooner than later. When the employee confronted HR about being more relaxed with a previous employee’s injury recovery time, HR stated, ‘That was then. This is now.’  

• A whole day was recently dedicated to reorganize, label, and count items in the freezer. Our Supervisor’s idea of attaching wood pegs to each cart to hold colored flags signaling FIFO (first in, first out) was immediately met with struggles that could have been avoided if better prepared. First, the peg attachment was too high for most of the staff to stick the flags in. Second, the peg holes were too small/tight for the stick flags. Third, none of this labeling system was discussed in detail with the kitchen staff leaving them very confused.

• Our driver phones that have clientele information accessible when logged into our app still do not have a lock on them despite this being a HIPAA violation and one of the cell phones already being stolen

• I had to tell this organization (that's a huge LGBTQIA supporter) that it was inconsiderate to write on birthday bags a person's gender, especially noting if the person was trans.

• It was such a big deal that PAF transitioned from using Styrofoam bins to blue insulated bags to transport meals in, but more and more drivers find it a lot more convenient to just put everything in boxes so that they don’t slide while in the van

• Numerous times I have heard coworkers know more about the operations of things than my direct managers. 

• I seem to be missing the punchline for why we’re required to wear hairnets and gloves while packing fruit when they’re already dirty from the previous people and packaging. It would make more sense if we cleaned the fruit for the client; thus, making the gloves necessary. But we don't.  

• I recently had to take two sick days, but with the amount of sick time I had it wasn’t enough to cover two full days. When I met with my manager about it, my accumulated hours were less than when I last checked. He called HR so he could understand how it was correct. HR then tried to explain all of this to me but stopped in the middle of it and said, “Ohh, wait..no, you are right. Something is off here.” After we agreed I would have both days fully covered I saw my check received only two hours for one of them. Again I reached out to HR who now undermined our last conversation and said there was a misunderstanding. Funny right? Simply hilarious that someone who lives paycheck to paycheck should only get two hours for a sick day when there was vacation time HR could have applied…

• And the best for last, even new hires are being told "There's this blog about us..."

I hope to have more gut-busting foolery as the year continues.

Until then, I'm hoping Attorney General Rob Bonta catches wind.

Share your stories today!

File a Complaint  

BPD & Christianity Part 4

 Technically falling under a psychotic diagnosis (thus seen more in Bipolar or Schizophrenia Disorders), delusions and/or hallucinations can effect those suffering from or even cause Major Depression-- which can co-occur with Borderline Personality Disorder. These delusions &/or hallucinations are not common nor are they listed among the world’s most diagnosed personality disorder’s (BPD's) nine criteria. Regardless, those with BPD can at the most extremely stressful times believe/feel/hear & or see things that aren’t real. The common types of delusions are noted under Delusional Disorder. A BPD individual could experience these on a much lower end of the scale, but none the less negatively effecting all aspects of their lives. It's important to note that the depression found in BPD may have different root causes than other diagnoses due it's link to specific childhood trauma, attachment styles, and genetic factors. Delusions can involve 1) believing someone is trying to harm or betray them, 2) having an extremely inflated ego, or 3) believe they have a problem that no one can ever fix. Typically, due to a BPD’s fear of abandonment, feelings of emptiness, and not having a stable identity, the first two types of delusions seem to be more prevalent.     

(resources: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9599-delusional-disorder, https://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org/what-is-bpd/, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30169467/, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wtMUfDwrdg&t=2958s, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLh98L0WZog&t=552s, https://youtu.be/vF08wnUXCUo?si=YFQR1kBzX53dA3zR )

When I was younger, particularly when I was elementary age and lived in the furnished attic of these blue apartments, I recall a couple of times hearing my name being called by people who weren’t there. Once it was a woman, another time it was an older male. Since I never found their source, years later I chucked it up to being angels who were calling me. I used to see tall dark fuzzy black figures in my doorways as well. I had a tumultuous childhood, so I sank inward to protect myself. I remember being so afraid of the dark when I was a child that I would cover my face with the bed’s blankets even if it meant I couldn’t breathe well. I would also hold my breath so I could hear more accurately the trauma happening in the next room.

Becoming more aware of how my quiet BPD has revealed itself throughout my life has also made me conscious of how Christianity has played into my developing brain. Already by the age of nine I dissociated (showed signs of depression)...a lot. I am well aware that I can’t self-diagnose and in addition to not meeting the average age of occurrence for delusions (40+), I had 'positive delusions'--an abnormal thing due to my religious conditioning. I believed I had a loving and holy relationship with Jesus, God’s son, who died and rose again for my sins that lead to hell. Regardless of how I felt that this “gospel” brought me a “new life,” its teachings could exploite someone who already suffers from these types of Delusions: Erotomanic, Grandiose, Jealous, Persecutory, Somatic.

This belief that Satan was seeking to kill & destroy me

This belief that I was chosen by God to get my family back on track

This belief that I was called to be a missionary…to India & the USA

This belief of us vs. them, Christ-Followers vs. Heathens, “of this world, not in it”

This belief that I was actually communicating with God. I heard Him & felt Him.

These things were 100% true for me and I felt like nature confirmed it. But that was also just my context.

I understand that religion is so deeply embedded inside some of us that it feels like I’m trying to rip off our very skin. This is my personal opinion that there is no God. It is my opinion that at times this cult-like phanomenon can interact negatively on a already disruptive brain. My version of Christianity was all about intensity and feeling, urgency and contradictions. These indoctrinations from birth to adulthood perpetuated my already escapist-wired brain. My version of Christianity was like opening the door to the world of Narnia. Delusions often appear at the most stressful moments of our lives. They try to make sense of a world that doesn’t either by over or under-compensating. 

Christianity gave me a purpose and hope, along with the frightening spiritual warfare and hell stuff. For many years my religion was my safety net, my security blanket. It was all my family and friends knew. This is not saying that religion creates delusions; it makes myths into reality and convinces conformity. I hold the tension of both the good and harm it did to my BPD. 

This also isn’t saying that my delusions have ended once I became an atheist. Today I still fear being alone or walking through my place because I’m afraid of someone popping out to kill me. I freeze like a deer in headlights when I hear a creak in the night. My eyes play tricks on me and before I know it my thoughts of “someone is here” have convinced my heart to race. 

Why do I share this? I feel like the more I have come out of my religion and more into the humanitarian perspective, the more I think religion shouldn’t be forced on children. But who am I to say how to raise a child? When is it the right time to teach a young mind spiritual beliefs and why? Should we regulate religious meetings more? How do we recognize the effects of our core beliefs on our mental illnesses? I would love to hear your thoughts.

My “heaven” would be one where everyone would apply all the healthy coping mechanisms we need to raise healthy humans so that we no longer have to pay for therapy...or go to church.

 Christianity Can Be Cultish Part 1 

YOUTH GROUPS

This blog began as a way for me to share how Jesus had revolutionized my life. My very first post is my "testimony." At the age of twelve, I was invited to join a youth group by my cousin. This group offered what I was missing-adventures, concerts, support, and inclusion. I came from an unhappy home and as a child wanted to commit suicide. My youth leader and sponsors at this new church presented the Gospel in a way I hadn't heard before. The message, 'Jesus wanted a relationship with me.'

Despite other teenagers calling us a cult, my Mom becoming concerned, and stickers agreeing with the statement that "we were brainwashed" because of Romans 12:1-2, I was a proud "Jesus Freak." From junior high all the way to receiving a Master's Degree, I was sold. Because of my extreme beliefs of what it meant to be a “true Christian,” I missed out on social opportunities, became weary of science, amplified my Borderline Disorder, and became unequipped for practical living.

I’m not talking about a going to church every Sunday, doing charity work, and singing in the choir type of Christian. No, I’m talking about the ‘I’m going to leave EVERYTHING and follow Jesus’ Christian. Youth Group was the fun and energetic just for kids church. When I got invited to the one I became a member of for six years, I was drawn in by fog machines, stage lights, talented musicians, funny games, and how the leader could talk about the Bible in a relevant way. These were the years of Adventure & Duct-taped Bibles. We were “challenged” to experience life in a way we hadn’t before; we were molded into something we were never meant to be.

If we examined the Evangelical Christian Youth Group which I was a part of according to Psychology Today’s post “12 Signs That Someone May be Involved in Cult” I would answer them as such:

1. The Big Idea-Presenting Jesus in a fun, relational, much-needed thing to have. To have Him, you must surrender your life (way of doing and thinking about things) and submit to the Spirit. Why wouldn’t you want to do this for the person who loved you so much to take away the sins you committed against God, your creator?

2. Love-Bombing-Jesus doesn’t just love you, He likes you. Since we are “heirs of Christ” we share in the royal status, we are ‘princes and princesses.’ We are the ‘chosen.’ God honors those who serve Him, all things work for the good for those who love Him. The church is Christ’s bride, we are cherished above all else.

3. A New Life-2 Cor 5:17 “Behold the old has gone and the new has come! Therefore anyone who is in Christ is a new creation.” We must be reborn, baptized even. We must have the fruit of the spirit. You are a little Christ. You are “god-image bearers,” the only chance someone might see Jesus today. You are set apart, called holy, and sanctified. Live like you have been saved or else it's like you’re crucifying Jesus all over again

4. Growth- Once you’re “saved or rededicated or reborn” you don’t just poof to heaven because God has a mission for you. You must study His word, the Holy Bible, to find out the solutions to everyday problems. It is your life support, your milk. You get into a group with like-minded (and same-gendered) people to hold each other accountable to this new lifestyle. You go on retreats to strengthen your walk with Christ. You fast to better meditate on scripture.

5. Rights of Passage-If you loved Jesus and loved getting your peers to experience what you have found join the ministry team. Wow, you’re so good at that skill we needed you to fill in for, how about you become a small group leader? Wow, people look up to you, why not become a sponsor? Then if you get all your credentials from a seminary you may be as lucky as a WASPM (white-anglo saxon protestant man) to become a pastor. 

6. Isolution-Don’t go to that or this church because they teach things this and that way which is against what the Bible says here and there. You are a city on a hill, a light not easily broken, clothed in armor Satan himself can not defeat.

7. Hate-Bonding-we’re being persecuted because the Bible says the world hates us. We hate the sin, love the sinner. We will do anything to help the world see they are blinded.

8.  Traitors-Joyce Meyers is a  great author but she’s too prideful. Rob Bell is a great speaker but misinterprets the Bible. The 700 club makes Christianity look boring. America has numb Christians, most Christians don’t even read their own Bibles! Those who leave prove they were never saved to begin with.

9. Witch Hunts-Satan has disguised himself as an angel of light deceiving the world. It is us vs. them. How far will you go to prove Jesus is your all in all? Will you be the next Mother Teresa, Jim Elliot, Andy Stanley? What we invest our time into we become; who our friends are we soon mirror. Do you really want to be “left behind”?

10. Persecution Paranoia-in my youth group’s case, we were being hammered with how rumors, lies, and gossip would destroy us all. When in reality, it was to cover up a sex predator. The youth group severed over loyalty to this person. 

11. Attack-in my youth group’s case once the truth finally came out, the pastors told us not to talk about it. We questioned not only our past with these people but also what the future would mean. How could someone “so godly” do something so horrible? Were all sins truly the same? Why was this covered up for so long? What else haven’t we been told? Was everything just a ruse?   

12. Final Conflict-many left youth group and the church. Many still defended the culprit. Many just said fuck it…

But not me. I stayed in the faith for another ten years. I repeated the cycle over and over again. I was taught that our allegiance was to a God whom we could not see, not man. I was humbled because I put my youth leaders on a pedestal where they did not belong. I continued to witness three more churches with sexual misconduct, the fall of Mark Driscoll, and other “brothers & sisters” following a racist Christian president before I left. Christianity wasn’t my religion, it was my life thanks to my youth group. 

And thanks to my youth group and those following, I now grow weary and skeptical of ever joining officially labeled groups. I despise the fact that we encourage our children to go to such events if we don’t know everything that’s being taught. As an adult who’s stepped away from Christianity, I can now see how my youth group’s tactics were similar to other cults. We had our own “godly” language, clothing, attitudes, politics, and music. We can’t ignore that the evangelical movement is making children drink the…(you get the point). Too much of a good thing can be bad and in this case, it was Jesus.