Christianity Can Be Cultish Part 4

"Christianity saved me only to bury me."  

Recapping some of our previous points: 

1. Anything can be cult 

2. Cults can be identified by: 

     - teaching a type of separation from the main culture (us v. them, good v. evil, truth v. lies)

     -  instating distinctual attire & attitudes to denote membership (uniformity, rules, codes, ethics, boundaries)

     - lead by charismatic, lovable, authoritative teachers (viewed as holy or most intelligent)

      - can be on a spectrum of unhealthiness (ex: a sports team cult following v. Jim Jones)

3. Religions were cults that gained the most traction over the centuries and Evangelical Christianity today can be an example of such

4. Anyone can fall victim to a cult

5. It's all just another sales pitch (either convincing you of a problem you don't have or selling a cure all solution)

As a past Jesus Freak, I wholeheartedly and unashamedly professed that I was a sinner saved by grace alone. As a past Jesus follower, I rightfully and joyfully laid down my life daily for the Holy Spirit to do His bidding. 

Now, on the flip side. I see how Christianity-my version anyway, had built its empire upon a foundation of projection. 

The feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, and fear are common to our species. As our brains mature, trying to make sense of life through the guidance of others still figuring out, we feel this aching desire to have meaning behind everything when there isn't. There is no more meaning than the meaning our species ascribe. Charlatans manipulate this human curiosity by prescribing an antidote they themselves wouldn't always buy. You'll hear it in sermons and outreaches, see it on billboards and throughout media:

"Come to Jesus all who are sick..." 

To many times religion claims that following a person (deity) or book(s) faithfully without doubt is honorable. One of the first and hardest things I went through while deconstructing was asking myself, "What does the Word really say? What does God really say? Who is God really?" 

The problem with religion is when those unfalsifiable beliefs become your blinders to reality. Reality is repeatedly and demonstratable, providing the same answer each time for everyone. This is impossible for spirituality not because of the apologetical claim of there being a supernatural, but due to its emotionally lead demeanor. I can open my Bible read a passage and get a whole different interpretation than my "brother/sister in Christ." Why? What method ensures we're on the same page? Hermeneutics? Language studies? Cultural and historical facts? Everyone has their opinion on what the Bible says, even each one of it's authors. 

Science and sound logic, on the other hand, is the best methodology we have in this reality. What is real is what can be observed; what is yet to be understood, is just yet to be scientifically observed. We can't start with a conclusion and move backwards; we can not say, "Look at the trees & stars, for they declare a Creator! A Designer! A God!" 

This isn't to say one can't be a Christian and practice science, they're not incompatible. What it is saying, is that Christianity lies. For the cross of Christ is the cost of your daily life, sacrificing your "evil" desires for His righteousness. Beckoning you in like a siren song, the grace you believe you don't deserve comes to entrap you. You are not your own, but the Master's. You belong to God. 

The language and attitude of Evangelical Christianity display many red flags not only through their love bombing, but deepities. The emotional draws heightened with an urgent plea seems to just project the pastor's inner desire for validation, purpose, and drive. Some Bible teachers simply make blanket statements to win as much of the crowd as they can, not worrying about any shread of evidence-based practices. 

"Cast your cares onto him who cares for you." How? How has he (God) shown he's cared? By taking your punishment of sin himself upon the cross? But is that justice, releasing the guilty party & punishing yourself? 

"God's ways are higher than our ways." How? Because we can't ever understand or can't ever know? "God gives generously to all who ask,"  doesn't he? Then why let cancer continue? Is cancer in children God's or Satan's doing? Isn't everything ordained by God-the good, bad, and even the ugly? Isn't justifying someone's "ugliness" evil? Then why do we do it for Yahwey? If we take the Bible at its word, the God of O.T has a higher body count than Satan. How is this somone worthy of my respect?

Truth is, they're not. It's frankly despicable to continue to serve the God of the Bible based on the Word's clear display of extreme narcissism and need for blood. It's nothing more than another blood cult. No one, not even a God, deserves unrelenting worship.

We are finite, fragile creatures on this spinning rock for only a short while. Embrace your existence, uniqueness, and beauty. If you're having trouble seeing or practicing these, it might be time to reevaluate who you're listening to. The brain synapses are most likely not a supernatural being speaking to you, but a tumbler of your family, friends, and culture.

Be kind to yourself because you deserve it. Why? 

YOLO. That's why.

Here's a couple YouTube sources that have helped me during my deconvertion. May they be of some help to you as well, blessings. 

Holy Koolaid

Forrest Valkai

Belief It or Not

Kristi Burke

 

Christianity Can Be Cultish Part 3

 Language, Attire, & Othering

"It all goes down to language; you just have to know what to listen for."

-Cultish by Amanda Montell

Every group has a unique way of communicating. We echo each other inside a chamber. From language to symbols, art to dress we create mini versions of those we idolize. Groups provide the community, stability, and protection our species needs. Montell repeats what numerous sociologists have said before her: we are social beings; we are wired for community. 

It takes a brave and wonderous mind to step outside of their box to ask: But does this all make sense? Does it matter? What is truth?

Recently I have been listening to the call-in show The Line or The Atheist Experience on YouTube. The Theist callers remind me of myself. The show has made me more aware of how a belief system, such as Evangelical Christianity, can be illogical. 

It makes sense that humans gravitate towards groups, but the group can not be the end-all-be-all. We can not lose our self of individualism if we only have one life to live. We can deconstruct this "cultish by nature" or fear of alienation, as the author notes, by examining the language used.

"With words, we breathe reality into being."

Montell highlights three ways cults use language: 

1. omission
2. distortion
3. lies

Callers and I claimed that faith is greater or "in a different realm" than logic. However, faith defined by the Holy Bible is "confidence in what we hope for and assurance in what we do not see." (Heb.11:1). We willing accept, praise, admire, and preach blind faith. Faith is nothing more than a wish. It lacks evidence and clings to smoke. 

I was drowning in Theism and wanted everyone along with me. Here is just a small example of how our language was different: Pouring It Out Like Salt. Terms like, "in my heart," "in the Word," and "tempted" were also common. In my experience, Evangelical Christianity flips the script and is proud of it. They are proud to see the world in a "different light"-we'd even sing songs about being "in the Light" (i.e. Jesus). 

But like a lot of religions, they omit the fact that faith is not logic, distort the importance of it, and lie that it will save you from eternal punishment. 

Faith was my everything; here's another post to explain how important it is in Christianity -Faith Culture. Faith is the foundation built on the sand, not the rock.

It is because of faith that we believed that we were to be holy as God is holy. We revealed this in dress as well. The language from Purity Culture stings just as much as its practices and principles. Clothing couldn't be flashy, revealing, short, or tight. No bra straps, cleavage, upper thigh, and god, forbid any ass to show! I once came to a crux with this doctrine when my doctor told me I needed to start letting my breasts breathe due to a rash buildup. How are people with big boobs supposed to fit into this box? 

Dress is meant for you to stand out just as much as it is made to make you fit in. Depending on the sect of Christianity one is from you can find attire that is as strict as the Amish to the casual, hip youth leaders with ripped jeans. Special clothing and designs can be seen from the roots of Judaism to seasonal garbs of the Pegan holidays. In my Lutheran Church, we had to wear long white robes with tassels. In Baptist churches, I had to make sure I wore the best of the best because we were taught that's what God deserved, especially in His house. When I volunteered at churches in Kentucky, we had to wear long skirts and shirts with sleeves.

Clothing brands you. Language controls you. Faith can harm you.

After the language and clothing are in place, it becomes much easier to "other" the rest of the world. I'm clean. You're not. I'm worthy. You're not. I'm saved. You're not. We are swept away from reality into a world we're made to believe is the Truth. We exchange our questions for unjustifiable answers and our individuality for a chance at Heaven.

My Mom despised the fact that I acted like I was better than everyone else because I didn't swear, gossip, curse, or get into trouble. Classmates outside my circle saw my church for what is was-just another cult. Inside the church I thought I was "trading my sorrows, trading my shame." Instead, I was laying myself down to die. Christianity boasts about crucifying the self because the flesh is corrupt and the soul is broken, but people need to know that this is just their language and is not reality.

I was a Christian for almost thirty years. It's hard to deconstruct your identity after so long, but it is so worth it. I believe in free speech, but tact. I believe in wearing what we want to wear but with respect to the occasion. If there is anything to take away from Christianity let it be: treat others how you wanna be treated, not brainwash them into your control. 

BPD & Christianity Part 4

 Technically falling under a psychotic diagnosis (thus seen more in Bipolar or Schizophrenia Disorders), delusions and/or hallucinations can effect those suffering from or even cause Major Depression-- which can co-occur with Borderline Personality Disorder. These delusions &/or hallucinations are not common nor are they listed among the world’s most diagnosed personality disorder’s (BPD's) nine criteria. Regardless, those with BPD can at the most extremely stressful times believe/feel/hear & or see things that aren’t real. The common types of delusions are noted under Delusional Disorder. A BPD individual could experience these on a much lower end of the scale, but none the less negatively effecting all aspects of their lives. It's important to note that the depression found in BPD may have different root causes than other diagnoses due it's link to specific childhood trauma, attachment styles, and genetic factors. Delusions can involve 1) believing someone is trying to harm or betray them, 2) having an extremely inflated ego, or 3) believe they have a problem that no one can ever fix. Typically, due to a BPD’s fear of abandonment, feelings of emptiness, and not having a stable identity, the first two types of delusions seem to be more prevalent.     

(resources: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9599-delusional-disorder, https://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org/what-is-bpd/, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30169467/, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wtMUfDwrdg&t=2958s, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLh98L0WZog&t=552s, https://youtu.be/vF08wnUXCUo?si=YFQR1kBzX53dA3zR )

When I was younger, particularly when I was elementary age and lived in the furnished attic of these blue apartments, I recall a couple of times hearing my name being called by people who weren’t there. Once it was a woman, another time it was an older male. Since I never found their source, years later I chucked it up to being angels who were calling me. I used to see tall dark fuzzy black figures in my doorways as well. I had a tumultuous childhood, so I sank inward to protect myself. I remember being so afraid of the dark when I was a child that I would cover my face with the bed’s blankets even if it meant I couldn’t breathe well. I would also hold my breath so I could hear more accurately the trauma happening in the next room.

Becoming more aware of how my quiet BPD has revealed itself throughout my life has also made me conscious of how Christianity has played into my developing brain. Already by the age of nine I dissociated (showed signs of depression)...a lot. I am well aware that I can’t self-diagnose and in addition to not meeting the average age of occurrence for delusions (40+), I had 'positive delusions'--an abnormal thing due to my religious conditioning. I believed I had a loving and holy relationship with Jesus, God’s son, who died and rose again for my sins that lead to hell. Regardless of how I felt that this “gospel” brought me a “new life,” its teachings could exploite someone who already suffers from these types of Delusions: Erotomanic, Grandiose, Jealous, Persecutory, Somatic.

This belief that Satan was seeking to kill & destroy me

This belief that I was chosen by God to get my family back on track

This belief that I was called to be a missionary…to India & the USA

This belief of us vs. them, Christ-Followers vs. Heathens, “of this world, not in it”

This belief that I was actually communicating with God. I heard Him & felt Him.

These things were 100% true for me and I felt like nature confirmed it. But that was also just my context.

I understand that religion is so deeply embedded inside some of us that it feels like I’m trying to rip off our very skin. This is my personal opinion that there is no God. It is my opinion that at times this cult-like phanomenon can interact negatively on a already disruptive brain. My version of Christianity was all about intensity and feeling, urgency and contradictions. These indoctrinations from birth to adulthood perpetuated my already escapist-wired brain. My version of Christianity was like opening the door to the world of Narnia. Delusions often appear at the most stressful moments of our lives. They try to make sense of a world that doesn’t either by over or under-compensating. 

Christianity gave me a purpose and hope, along with the frightening spiritual warfare and hell stuff. For many years my religion was my safety net, my security blanket. It was all my family and friends knew. This is not saying that religion creates delusions; it makes myths into reality and convinces conformity. I hold the tension of both the good and harm it did to my BPD. 

This also isn’t saying that my delusions have ended once I became an atheist. Today I still fear being alone or walking through my place because I’m afraid of someone popping out to kill me. I freeze like a deer in headlights when I hear a creak in the night. My eyes play tricks on me and before I know it my thoughts of “someone is here” have convinced my heart to race. 

Why do I share this? I feel like the more I have come out of my religion and more into the humanitarian perspective, the more I think religion shouldn’t be forced on children. But who am I to say how to raise a child? When is it the right time to teach a young mind spiritual beliefs and why? Should we regulate religious meetings more? How do we recognize the effects of our core beliefs on our mental illnesses? I would love to hear your thoughts.

My “heaven” would be one where everyone would apply all the healthy coping mechanisms we need to raise healthy humans so that we no longer have to pay for therapy...or go to church.

 Christianity Can Be Cultish Part 1 

YOUTH GROUPS

This blog began as a way for me to share how Jesus had revolutionized my life. My very first post is my "testimony." At the age of twelve, I was invited to join a youth group by my cousin. This group offered what I was missing-adventures, concerts, support, and inclusion. I came from an unhappy home and as a child wanted to commit suicide. My youth leader and sponsors at this new church presented the Gospel in a way I hadn't heard before. The message, 'Jesus wanted a relationship with me.'

Despite other teenagers calling us a cult, my Mom becoming concerned, and stickers agreeing with the statement that "we were brainwashed" because of Romans 12:1-2, I was a proud "Jesus Freak." From junior high all the way to receiving a Master's Degree, I was sold. Because of my extreme beliefs of what it meant to be a “true Christian,” I missed out on social opportunities, became weary of science, amplified my Borderline Disorder, and became unequipped for practical living.

I’m not talking about a going to church every Sunday, doing charity work, and singing in the choir type of Christian. No, I’m talking about the ‘I’m going to leave EVERYTHING and follow Jesus’ Christian. Youth Group was the fun and energetic just for kids church. When I got invited to the one I became a member of for six years, I was drawn in by fog machines, stage lights, talented musicians, funny games, and how the leader could talk about the Bible in a relevant way. These were the years of Adventure & Duct-taped Bibles. We were “challenged” to experience life in a way we hadn’t before; we were molded into something we were never meant to be.

If we examined the Evangelical Christian Youth Group which I was a part of according to Psychology Today’s post “12 Signs That Someone May be Involved in Cult” I would answer them as such:

1. The Big Idea-Presenting Jesus in a fun, relational, much-needed thing to have. To have Him, you must surrender your life (way of doing and thinking about things) and submit to the Spirit. Why wouldn’t you want to do this for the person who loved you so much to take away the sins you committed against God, your creator?

2. Love-Bombing-Jesus doesn’t just love you, He likes you. Since we are “heirs of Christ” we share in the royal status, we are ‘princes and princesses.’ We are the ‘chosen.’ God honors those who serve Him, all things work for the good for those who love Him. The church is Christ’s bride, we are cherished above all else.

3. A New Life-2 Cor 5:17 “Behold the old has gone and the new has come! Therefore anyone who is in Christ is a new creation.” We must be reborn, baptized even. We must have the fruit of the spirit. You are a little Christ. You are “god-image bearers,” the only chance someone might see Jesus today. You are set apart, called holy, and sanctified. Live like you have been saved or else it's like you’re crucifying Jesus all over again

4. Growth- Once you’re “saved or rededicated or reborn” you don’t just poof to heaven because God has a mission for you. You must study His word, the Holy Bible, to find out the solutions to everyday problems. It is your life support, your milk. You get into a group with like-minded (and same-gendered) people to hold each other accountable to this new lifestyle. You go on retreats to strengthen your walk with Christ. You fast to better meditate on scripture.

5. Rights of Passage-If you loved Jesus and loved getting your peers to experience what you have found join the ministry team. Wow, you’re so good at that skill we needed you to fill in for, how about you become a small group leader? Wow, people look up to you, why not become a sponsor? Then if you get all your credentials from a seminary you may be as lucky as a WASPM (white-anglo saxon protestant man) to become a pastor. 

6. Isolution-Don’t go to that or this church because they teach things this and that way which is against what the Bible says here and there. You are a city on a hill, a light not easily broken, clothed in armor Satan himself can not defeat.

7. Hate-Bonding-we’re being persecuted because the Bible says the world hates us. We hate the sin, love the sinner. We will do anything to help the world see they are blinded.

8.  Traitors-Joyce Meyers is a  great author but she’s too prideful. Rob Bell is a great speaker but misinterprets the Bible. The 700 club makes Christianity look boring. America has numb Christians, most Christians don’t even read their own Bibles! Those who leave prove they were never saved to begin with.

9. Witch Hunts-Satan has disguised himself as an angel of light deceiving the world. It is us vs. them. How far will you go to prove Jesus is your all in all? Will you be the next Mother Teresa, Jim Elliot, Andy Stanley? What we invest our time into we become; who our friends are we soon mirror. Do you really want to be “left behind”?

10. Persecution Paranoia-in my youth group’s case, we were being hammered with how rumors, lies, and gossip would destroy us all. When in reality, it was to cover up a sex predator. The youth group severed over loyalty to this person. 

11. Attack-in my youth group’s case once the truth finally came out, the pastors told us not to talk about it. We questioned not only our past with these people but also what the future would mean. How could someone “so godly” do something so horrible? Were all sins truly the same? Why was this covered up for so long? What else haven’t we been told? Was everything just a ruse?   

12. Final Conflict-many left youth group and the church. Many still defended the culprit. Many just said fuck it…

But not me. I stayed in the faith for another ten years. I repeated the cycle over and over again. I was taught that our allegiance was to a God whom we could not see, not man. I was humbled because I put my youth leaders on a pedestal where they did not belong. I continued to witness three more churches with sexual misconduct, the fall of Mark Driscoll, and other “brothers & sisters” following a racist Christian president before I left. Christianity wasn’t my religion, it was my life thanks to my youth group. 

And thanks to my youth group and those following, I now grow weary and skeptical of ever joining officially labeled groups. I despise the fact that we encourage our children to go to such events if we don’t know everything that’s being taught. As an adult who’s stepped away from Christianity, I can now see how my youth group’s tactics were similar to other cults. We had our own “godly” language, clothing, attitudes, politics, and music. We can’t ignore that the evangelical movement is making children drink the…(you get the point). Too much of a good thing can be bad and in this case, it was Jesus.